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Help needed urgently


New member
Aug 5, 2020
Hi All, I have posted once on here before, this is a new post. Things have moved on with my parents, my father clearly has dementia, but refuses to go to the Memory Clinic, says they are all against him, and refuses to engage. He has gone downhill during lockdown, very forgetful, argumentative, confused. My mother has become his carer, but things have been going rapidly downhill. For the last 2 weeks she has been very ill and not able to get out of bed in the mornings due to pain all over her body. The GP is involved and trying to get her back to some form of health. She is on her knees, when she cannot get out of bed nothing happens in the house, he cannot cook or do anything at all. Today she had a really bad turn, instead of calling 111/999, he called her friend who lives a few miles away, she rushed round to the house and called an ambulance, but the time the ambulance got there, she had improved a bit, and refused to go to hospital as she said she couldn't leave my father alone overnight. She didn't tell the paramedics about this , only told me afterwards.

She has told the GP all about the problems with him (memory, verbal aggression, refusal to do anything, unreasonable, telling her she is making stuff up), last week and has been added to the MDT caseload. She is a fall risk and Adult Social Care will be doing a OT assessment for her as soon as someone is available, she's at the top of the priority list. He is not due to be assessed for anything because he doesn't want to be assessed as he refuses to acknowledge that there is anything wrong.

Tonight she was crying on the phone again, saying she cannot cope any longer, that soon she may well walk out but she has nowhere to go etc. She had covid 19 in recent months, and has severe osteoporosis. My father doesn't acknowledge that there are any problems and doesn't understand her situation. I have contacted Social Care 3 times last week, and emailed /spoke to the GP about my mother, I cannot specifically raise concerns about my father as he will go absolutely mad if he finds out.

What are our options for getting assistance to cope with his behaviour without any cooperation from his side? My concern is that if she is not able to keep looking after him, he will not be able to function. At the moment it feels like it is just a matter of time before some kind of disaster falls on them but without his cooperation, it seems like no-one can do anything to improve things before this happens.

I would be grateful for any advice, I am finding this very difficult.


Registered User
Nov 8, 2020
Hi I am by no means an expert. My mum is due at memory clinic on 7th Dec. I have decided if she refuses to go or does not cooperate I am going to wait until the next time she is completely irrational and call 999.

I have had to leave my family and move in with my parents. My dad has advanced Parkinsons and is a complete sweetie my mum has dementia of some description and has turned into a complete bitch she is a danger to herself and others. I moved in because my dad became ill and mum did nothing if I had not turned up I believe she would have let him die.

so one way or another she is going to get help sorry to all those who disagree with my decision..

I wish you all the best my dad even with complex needs is a complete joy. My mum can’t help her actions or so I am told has complex needs and is a complete nightmare.


Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
Try and speak to Admiral Nurses. They have been really helpful to me in the past. You could also contact your local memory clinic and find out what they would advise in this situation with your Dad. It sounds very difficult and stressful. I hope you get him sorted. Take care