Well.
Firstly, how are you defining a carer..or are we to self classify? I ask this as there are so many fine people on TP who are carers in the sense I could never be in that they care for the sufferer more or less 24/7..whether this person is a partner, parent or other.
I myself am not a carer in this sense as my mother resides in a NH..but yes, I care ABOUT her rather than necessarily FOR her.
Do I suffer?
The main thing I suffer..mainly because she DOESNT live with me is endless guilt..she is desperatly unhappy where she is and desperatly wants me to find an alternative..ideally living with me!
Then I feel a second load of guilt because I give so little in compared to others..and although there are many good practical reasons why she cant live with me..there is also the inescapable knowledge I actually dont WANT this awkward and unpleasant old person whose smells horrid and has nasty habits disrupting my life..and then I feel guilt that I have this view of her..after all , all she actually did was get old!!
I feel guilty when I dont visit and nasty and mean when I do because I cant wait to get away..because she is abusing and berating me.
I feel inadequate as im not strong enough to push her wheelchair. I feel hopeless that I cant find somewhere better and safer for her where she will be happy. I worry all the time about the very slight possibility that one day one of her wild stories about being punched by the home staff or being sexually harrassed by staff she has decided are lesbians might actually be true.
I have nightmares often about her situation until I now prefer never to sleep .
I worry contantly whats going to happen when her money runs out, the last cheque is written and she has to move to somewhere else maybe share a room or worse.
I cry at the way her life is reduced to one room and her main pleasure is being mean to me and /or stuffing hadfuls of dolly mixtures.
I want to hug her frail body and try to wring a bit of love out of it and I also want to wring her neck and bring the nightmare to an end.
Thats my personal hell...God only knows what others suffer