Help my nan has Alzheimer's

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by emma24, Sep 11, 2006.

  1. emma24

    emma24 Registered User

    Sep 10, 2006
    5
    Telford, Shropshire
    :confused: Plese help i am desperatly after some advice. My nan has Alzheimer's and my grandad is her carer but he is strgguling to cope everytime i speak to him he is getting more stressed and i am concerned he is going to become ill from caring for her.

    My grandad is about to turn 79 and my nan has just turned 78 and they live together in their own home. Our family is small and there is very little help from us my uncle has his own business to run his wife has her own job, his two youngest have just gone to uni & his eldest lives in London, although i only live 20 miles away i do not drive so getting to see my grandparents is awkward.

    I know i'm going on but my point is that my grandad is doing all the work and how do you tell him thart he can't carry on like this that he needs to get help or maybe the time has come for my nan to go into a nursing home before he comes ill. I know he wants to look after my nan for as long as possible.

    He has been told that financially he can get no more help than what he is getting as my nan does not need 24hr care so what help is out there that doesn't cost a foutune to help give him a break? Sorry it goes on!
     
  2. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    #2 May, Sep 11, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2006
    Hi Emma24

    Sorry to hear about your Gran and Grandad, they are the same age as my parents (my Mum has dementia and Dad is her carer).
    I know this one! There's absolutely nothing you can do except get as much help for him as possible, because if he says he is going to care for Gran, he will, until he admits to himself that he can't do it any longer.

    As to what help you can get, does Gran get Attendance allowance? If she needs help or care for even part of the day, she should be able to apply for the lower rate. Web addy below, look under carers, also on there is information about pension credits, they may be entitled to a 'pension top up', even if they don't get money it is worth applying to see if they are entitled to 'underlying benefits entitlement', it may help them get other benefits. Council tax rebate through the local council, if Gran has a 'formal' diagnosis of demetia Grandad can get a rebate as though he is a single person (25% with my local council), don't let the wording on the form frighten you as it is classified as 'mental incapacity. Best suggestion ring the Alzheimers help line, they will try and answer any questions you have, there are also lots of factsheets on the website which are informative reading.

    http://www.dwp.gov.uk/


    Hope things go OK for you, do post whenever you need support or info.

    Forgot , sitting services if Gran can't be left on her own, try Crossroads,

    http://www.crossroads.org.uk/

    do they have a CPN and social worker, that could be access to the help they need.
     
  3. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Emma

    May is right - your grandad is determined to carry the burden himself and if he is like me nothing will deter him except..... that is , like me, he will hit the buffers and then he will accept all the help available. What can you do? be there and when the inevitable happens understand that we all think we are invincable. My family waited years for me to crack and when I did they rushed to my aid, bless them.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  4. emma24

    emma24 Registered User

    Sep 10, 2006
    5
    Telford, Shropshire
    Thank you for your replies. I have finally had a chance to speak to my Grandad and pass on the advice given he has had looked into some of this already and is unable to get much help financially due to savings he and my nan have.

    As to getting help to give him a break he can not get this until my nan has a social worker he has been told this will take a minnimum of five weeks but knowing social services in our area it will probably take much longer. I just hope he doesn't become ill in the mean time.

    He has decided that he cannot look into alternative care i.e nursing homes yet as she is still aware of things going on around her even though she doesn't really understand it anymore.

    Thank you again Emma
     
  5. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Emma

    I am sorry it takes so long for the social workers in your area to get their act together, I am so lucky that my experience of SWs is so positive.

    Your grandads decision is understandable although I feel it is misplaced. There is more than one form of alternative care, what about a day centre? has he thought about the ocasional respite break. I can guess what your nan's reaction will be to these suggestions but if your grandad explains his position carefully to her she may understand and at the end of the day he will need to be resolute.

    Mary needs continual reassurance that I will come back to her and that the arrangement is only temporary, the nature of the care is immaterial her only concern is that at the end if it I will be there.

    Hugs

    Dick
     
  6. emma24

    emma24 Registered User

    Sep 10, 2006
    5
    Telford, Shropshire
    I wish

    Hi Dick,

    My grandad is trying to looking into getting help with finding an alternative like a day centre & will hopefully will hopefully be contacting his local Alzheimer's society centre soon to get some advice on what is availabe in his local area. (he cant use a computer)

    My nan goes for coffee with her friends in town every Tuesday but they keep changing the location making it more and more awkward for my grandad to take her and none of her friends who she has known for years are willing to help meet him outside the cafe and esscort my nan in.

    I will certainally suggest the day centre option again and see what he says.

    Thank you for your reply Emma
     
  7. **AgNeS**

    **AgNeS** Registered User

    Sep 15, 2006
    1
    London
    too much to say in one thread!!

    Hi Emma,

    my gran was diagosed with alzheimer's around 2001. At first my gramp because he is very stubborn tried to cope alone and wouldnt let anyone help him, gradually my gran got worse and started wandering from the house so my auntie (who is a god send) found the local day centre.....she refused to go at first as she was picked up by bus...my auntie and grandpa went with her a couple of times then gradually she started waiting for the bus herself and dashing out without them..my gran loved it!! she has always been very active and when at the centre she could get up, sing and dance...they made bonnets at easter it sounds quite childish but it really stimulated her and more importantly it made her smile.
    The day centre is great my gran is too far advanced for that now but it was worth it.
    My grandpa was very slow at letting things happen for my gran as i guess he didnt want to admit this is what was happening. i have to admit even i thought she would snap out of it one day. its hard for him to hear the words slow down because thats his wife he is the provider he's scared that if he stops so will my gran. let him do what he can whilst gently nudging him in the right direction. with regards to financial info i managed to get my grandparents some help even though they were i a similar position.....if you still need some info just let me no.

    jen xxx

    p.s we take one day at a time with my gran as long as she is smiling and her world is happy then we have done our job.
     
  8. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    Make sure your Grandad looks into Attendance Allowance for your Gran.

    Attendance Allowance is not means tested, and you can qualify for it no matter what your other income or savings may be.

    Also, your Grandad could register as Carer. He can't get Carer Allowance if he is getting State Pension, but he would get Carer Premium which basically means you can have £25/week higher "income" and still qualify for Pension Credit.

    Also, if you Gran gets Attendance Allowance, it may help her qualify for other things like the Council Tax rebate and other things (not all need be payments).

    It is usually worth applying even if you believe you have "too much money" to qualify.

    Atendance Allowance is £40/week, roughly, for the lower rate, and as I say your income and savings should not disqualify you from it.

    Incidentally, if your Grandad does apply for AA on your Gran's behalf (I am assuming she is unable to do this for herself), do make sure he gets "professional" help to fill in the form. Most Citzens Advice,Help the Aged etc have people who are experts at filling in that sort of thing and it will greatly increase the chance of success.
     

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