Help, my Mum doesn't want to see me.

[izzie]

My Mum lives with my step dad and since March and his retirement he has stopped access to her.

Having involved all the Social Services, the Police and now an IMCA, she continues to tell them she doesn't want to see or ring me.

I'm empty, lost, grieving. I don't understand why, but because that's her wishes, (even tho with every bone in my body I know she is under his negative influence,) what can I do? I have to listen to her wishes and respect them.

I am however, in such a state, is there anyone out there who has or is experiencing the same kind of rejection.

It's so cruel, my Mum would never exclude me her daughterm never. But it's what she is saying now.

How do I come to terms with it.

Ive offerened my services as a volunteer to the Alzhiemers sociaty, but haven't heard anything yer. I dont think they will take me on cos of the family rejection/conflict, Im struggling to go on. I miss her so much.

Sorry x

 

[imac.girll1]

Izzie, I havent been in this situation, but just wanted to say that i am thinking of you and know that others on here will be able to help and give better info/advice/own experiences to help soothe the way.

x

 

[izzie]

Thank you.

Just to see your name followed by daughter and carer hurts me so much. Right up until March of this year I shared the care of my Mum with my step dad. While he was out at work all day I was there for her. Good times an bad, for the past 35 years.

How can he do this and get away with it?

Thank you for caring. Look after your Mum, knowing that it's such an swful disease.... but you are doing a great job! And you are together.

Take care and thanks again. x

 

[Michele]

Oh Izzie,

I am so sorry of your situation. I am afraid I can't help on this.

I just wanted to send you loads and loads of (((((((hugs))))).

Love
Michele
xxxx

 

[elaine n]

Oh Izzy how awful for you. I'm not in your position either but let's hope in time your SF and then your mum will have a change of heart-how cruel of him to do this to you both.

sending love elainexxxxxx

 

[ella24]

Hi Izzie

I do so feel for you. I know you have tried so many places, but one places that may offer some additional support is elder abuse www.elderabuse.org.uk - they have a telephone helpine too.

take care

e

 

[izzie]

Thank you Ella,
I have tried elder abuse. I have done everything anyone has suggested. Everything!

But it's about what Mum says now! Even tho she has significant dementure. Even though it might be unwise. It's her wishes!!!!

I am deasted. In desperate need to talk to someone who has been in similar situation. I cant seem to find anyone!

Thanks for caring everyone. Keep making a difference to your loved one. xxx

 

[Nanak]

Hi Izzie
I am not quite in your predicament but it could come at any time. We have probs with our SF too and its only because we refuse to argue with him (which he keeps trying to start arguments) that we haven't been told to stay away.
We all have a feeling it is coming though.
It is hard knowing your Mum would never in normal circumstances exclude you but I know how my Mum is influenced by my SF.
I do feel so much for you.
Sending ((((hugs))))
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is coming

 

[Izzy]

Hi Izzie from another Izzy. Just saying 'thinking of you' and I hope your situation can be resovled somehow. Izzy x

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

Hello Izzie,
Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your dear mother.

I wish you peace and strength to get through this difficult time ahead.
x

 

[larivy]

just sending my love larivy

 

[Jancis]

Dear Izzie,
I know exactly how you feel. My situation isn't as bad as yours but I share the same terrible and bitter hurt and shame of being "rejected" by my uncle whom I have always loved. Apparently he has never particularly liked me and doesn't trust me. He has told his IMCA that he doesn't want me involved with his affairs and as a result of this I was unable to become his deputy. He has been heavily influenced by another person who has abused his vulnerability. Social Services are only interested in what my uncle tells them through his IMCA and even if they believe what I am telling them they are unable to do anything about it because of the Mental Capacity Act 2005.

I cannot come to terms with my situation. But I am not denied access to my uncle - I think I would do something irresponsible if I were. Surely it is your human right to see your mum? Has she been diagnosed as lacking mental capacity? You are the first person I have found who has been affected by the MCA. Do send me a pm if you would like to talk on a more personal level.

Love Jancis x

 

[ToniT]

Hi izzie - it's ToniT

I have posted a reply to you on my thread 'Fighting with family and Social Services'.

Do keep in touch - we need as many understanding friends as possible. It's a pity we are too far apart for companionship but nevertheless I'm sending a big (((((((hug)))))))

Possibly one day there will be a review of the way that the various authorities treat carers, especially in Dementia cases, but unfortunately this might be too late for you and I and others like us.
Love ToniT