help i've upset the home

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
0
70
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Sue,

Sounds like the Care Manager is into a bit of avoidance here. How very frustrating for you..... I do hope you can get some satisfaction with higher authorities before the week ends.

Jude
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Dear All

Isn't all of this just so absolutely the pits? The only honest admission from anybody in the homes mentioned, has been Frazer's Dad's nursing home: this is a business. Well, so it is and as such thrives on the success of its provision of service - a double-edged sword! The most valuable form of advertising is of the word-of-mouth variety and as such looks like they are on to a loser. Would anybody deal with a business in the caring sector which blatantly demonstrates such lack of compassion! Don't answer that, it's rhetorical! Did anybody read in the newspaper last week of the couple presented with a bill for 2 weeks nursing home fees because they hadn't given notice of the parent's death!!

When I asked could Mum be admitted to any nursing home of our choice, we were told yes providing they accepted our local authority's rates (any excess being topped up by her income or ours, whatever). She didn't have to go where the social worker recommended, who was very helpful in all of this on our behalf. We still seem to have got it wrong in some respects but I wonder am I trying to find the perfect solution in a very imperfect system - EMI nursing homes are so far very thin on the ground because of the specialist nature of the care!

I have had occasions to complain. Yes! I have: I know you won't believe it, but I have!! But in doing so and to cover the eventuality of hostility I have always made the point to the duty staff that I think it is appalling that they should have to operate in such a system and appreciate their support for settling Mum, etc. blah di blah. And have asked in my letters to the Matron how we can ALL best work together to resolve the issues. Two can play at Cynical Manipulation (my new board game on sale just in time for Xmas) I always handed the head honcho in mum's 'house' a copy of the letter so that they understand the problem and that I am not slating them, personally. Have had some positive results, have to say. But, there again, this is a BUPA home and as such a huge organisation with a reputation to keep.

What Susan, and Frazer, are dealing with sound the most scary of scenario. Would it be more acceptable to have loved ones in a home further afield, and therefore better cared for whereby we can have some peace of mind when we leave them, or keep them closer in the hope that things will improve? Unfortunately, time is at a premium here so how do you make such a decision? Think I'd go for peace of mind - mine, Dad's but not at the expense of Mum's care needs - which in both these cases seem a little thin on the ground.

I hate to hear of carers suffering unnecessarily in addition to what they are going through every day on the emotional rollercoaster that is caring for our AD sufferers. That's not business, that's a blatant exercise in cynical opportunism and cruelty and as such deserves to be exposed to whomsoever will, or has to be made to, listen.

Thinking of you (and a lot of bloody good that is, I know)
Chesca
 
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Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
But actually it IS a lot of good Chesca, because you talk real sense.

In particular I absolutely totally comprehensively irrefutably [shall I go on?] agree with your third paragraph. For this to work we have to assume certain things:
  • a home manager who wants to do their best for the residents
  • a home manager who can speak and understand the nuances of the English language
  • a home manager who welcomes a partnership
  • a home where it is possible to improve things [ie they have sufficient staff, etc]
Given these, it can work. Even without all of them, it can work, it just takes more effort.

Make a working relationship with the manager, if possible. Make a separate working relationship with the staff. Show you appreciate the problems, but make it known what you believe is both achievable and necessary in terms of a care regime.

When they make a change that is good, give them some positive strokes. Make them feel good to have done it, don't just think they should have been doing it anyway in the first place.
 

susan

Registered User
Aug 18, 2003
125
0
east sussex
Thank you all for your replies - had a bad day - sister spoke to CC today and it seems the only way forward is to expose ourselves to the home - Bruce - we have endlessly praised and thanked the home for what they do for Dad and when i had windfall - not huge £150 i donated it to the home. When dad had his fall we asked for details but agreed it was one of those things!
When CC arrived at home apparently she had to deal with a more urgent issue that arose - this we do not know what about except it did not involve Dad. When asked about why Dad was on just a mattress - the staff said it was a request of the relatives - they did not tell CC that it was because the pressure mattress was not working properly.
CC has received another anon complaint and is going out Thurs to investigate. The manager that has gone for the week did not tell CC she would not be there and had pre arranged to meet her this week!
All in all i'm worried and will go to see Dad tomorrow.
Thanks for all your support, it is much appreciated love Sue
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
0
West Sussex
Dear Susan, sounds as if the CC is now well aware of the situation at this home and is keeping a close eye. They do have quite a bit of clout so don't feel too intimidated, you are obviously not alone. The staff can see this by the fact that your father is not the cause of every complaint CC has now received. Hopefully the CC will be able to get some results for all the residents before too long. Chesca, you are so right, been there, got the T shirt, pretty worn now though!! Love She. XX
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
Hi Susan

I wasn't addressing the comments in my reply to Chesca to you!

Clearly there is a problem at the home you are unfortunately involved with, and I guess we know where the problem lies! If there is a dud manager, how can we expect anything to go right as they set the tone for the place, and also have all the power.

When I reply to postings I always try to generalise things as we have many different members who browse these pages. It took me a while, after Jan first went into her home, to formulate a way of coping with the situation while ensuring as good care as possible for her. All I'm doing is telling what works for me. When someone else echoes one's own experiences then that can help others.

When you try repeatedly and it doesn't work, then that's when the other parties need to put on their groin armour. But as you know, and it is a big but, the safety and care of your Dad comes first. It's a bummer when you can't just do what you would really like to do.
 

susan

Registered User
Aug 18, 2003
125
0
east sussex
Dear Bruce
Sorry things are a bit fraught and i took it a bit personally - and i hadn't mentioned that we had a good relationship with the staff until recently bar the odd blip which were dealt with quickly.
Thank you for your contribution and you have made some very valid comments that we all need to take on board.
We are really pleased with his chair - looks really comfy in it.
love Sue
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
Hi Susan

We're all sensitive about this whole thing and I guess that's why we are the ones doing what we are doing. The ones who do not feel vulnerable and sensitive to hurt tend to be the ones who turn away from their 'loved ones' and leave it to us - or who don't do the things they are supposed to be there for, if they are in the professional 'caring' business.

I have a way with words that has haunted me all my life! From time to time I seem to have a capacity to write things that seem absolutely clear to me, but that cause others major misunderstandings. By the time I gasp my last breath, I hope to have mastered it!

I'm so pleased that the chair works for you all.
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Dear Susan

Be kind to yourself. No beating over your own head allowed. We all have those fraught times bestowed on us - just when we think we've got it cracked along comes another shellshock to remind us we can not always be in charge.

Chesca (PhD: Foot in Mouth)
 

City Claire

Registered User
Nov 1, 2004
36
0
Oxford
Dear Susan

I just wanted to add my voice to the support. I'm relatively new to most of this as my Dad has only just gone into hosp as a temporary measure before a 'home', and you seem to have been doing an amazing, untiring job of 'battling' to ensure your Dad has the best care. He is lucky to have you there for him.

Good luck, you deserve it!

Claire xxx
 

susan

Registered User
Aug 18, 2003
125
0
east sussex
Dear all
this seems like an on going saga, but thanks again for your on going support.
Today CC phoned my sister and apparently the owner wants to meet us - a step forward?!
When i phoned to arrange a meeting this evening the owner was unavailable! (even though we were told to phone before 5.00pm)
I was told to phone tomorrow.

The biggest plus of the day - we found Dad on a full size mattress and a pressure mattress working properly - he was out for the count and looked so relaxed - no scratching, wriggling or tearing the bed to pieces - does this say something, but it was so nice to see.
CC were there today again dealing with yet another issue.
Our main concern now is to rebuild our relationship with the owner as the manager has gone walkabouts!!
Thanks once again love Sue
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Dear Susan

It is a saga, an ongoing saga. Trial and error ...........and whatever the cliche of the day. The worst part of it is that no two people are the same so we can only share a little of our own experiences in the hope that some little of that may be a coping mechanism for another. It has the potential for an enormous library of newspeak!

thinking of you, viking
Chesca
 

susan

Registered User
Aug 18, 2003
125
0
east sussex
Dear all
Met with the owner of the home to night - he started out with 'you have got a problem?'
Don't get me wrong he was very pleasant, but the manager that has gone off for a week has said we are always complaining - this is the first thing that we have seriously raised with the home - the other things have been minor and dealt with quickly eg special creams and scalp treatments - dad can not have every day soap used on him because of his psoriasis and socks going missing.
Well he disclosed we were the end of a line of complaints 8 in all this year and the CC are very aggressive with them. He is in the process of selling the home and the new owner fingers crossed is already an owner of 4 other homes in the south east - his wife is a doctor - he also said he was granted planning for another 42 rooms in a field out the back - hoping interested parties will also buy this!! This means that the home will be in addition to the 88 residents already!
i have requested a meeting with the manager and the owner on her return as i feel that we need to clear the air after her rather aggressive phone call.
All i can say is that dad now has what we wanted a comfy bed and a pressure mattress and if need be - hopefully not - if the need arises i will do it again.
We did point out that the communication in the home is poor and that is what caused the problem - he has now said that we are to ask for him if need be.
Feeling happier, but a little drained
Thanks for all your support suex
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Dear Susan

Some good news, however little. I don't know how you stayed in the same room after him saying you seemed to 'have a problem' but more power to your wossname. How do these people manage to translate our deep seated fears and depth of love for our families into 'complaining'? Are we to assume they were indeed quarried not born - senza Mama? The question that always stops 'em in their tracks is 'would you find this acceptable for your own mother?' Rock and a hard place - they only have to draw breath to damn themselves. Psoriasis is such a grim affliction requiring a lot of skin care and to not have the voice to call for that care is an awful dismal state of affairs, I can't begin to imagine. It makes me so very very sad for your Dad and you.

I once watched a daytime programme about care homes - don't for one minute believe this is a habit, god forbid - but a telling statement from one of the 'officially official' speakers was that the trouble with nursing home staff is that the premier requirement is a liking for the elderly, the vulnerable - quel surprise! And given the low rates of pay, the little job satisfaction, only the truly vocational will do the job. And, it has to be said there are quite a few of those at Mum's nursing home, thanks be.

However, it therefore follows that if you cannot speak the language, need a job - any job that justifies your visa and at the lowest rates of pay - there is one hell of a market out there for unqualified agency staff, cheap labour and unscrupulous private nursing home owners. And before anybody gets on my case, this has been my experience - few, if any, agency staff brought into Mum's home can string two words of English together, regardless of their race, colour or creed. This is when I am at my most nervous regarding her care.

So, you have won a battle, hopefully, but not yet the war. Be wary of the new owners - sound like property developers to me, doctors or not; that qualification does not exempt them from the greed that has resulted from the need for nursing placements and the money that can be available provided you are prepared to short cut your staffing needs.

Chesca
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
0
70
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Sue,

It is fervently to be hoped that the new owners come into the business with a total awareness of the complaints and investigations under review. I do wish you well in this and please keep us informed of every development.

Jude
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
0
Birmingham Hades
Sue
you will probably never see the new owners.
By the numbers mentioned it will most likely be a large company and what you would meet would be managers.
My experience of the big companies has been favourable,the have have all the systems in place,including line management and complaints procedures.
Could be a big improvement Sue
Norman
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
I echo what Norman says. Jan's home is part of a sizeable group run by a company nationally and they are spot on. During one of the arguments between the home and the funding bodies, they brought their MD down to argue Jan's case - and won.

Residents get very good levels of care.

They also have training plans for the staff and appraisals and everything is run professionally.
 

susan

Registered User
Aug 18, 2003
125
0
east sussex
Dear all
currently i am a little more confident about things at my dad's home - he seems less agitated and certainly looks more comfortable.
We can only wait and see on the issue about the new owners - i'm leaning towards the positive - the extension to the home which is situated in the countryside is on the land that belongs to the current owner. One of the reasons we choose this one was because it was in the countryside and as dad had spent his life working the land it seemed the ideal place and hopefully after this hiccup! will remain so.
Thank you all for your on going support - hopefully the care issue will not rear it's ugly head again - but i'm not holding my breath.
Love sue
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
0
70
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear Sue,

I really hope for a great resolution to this problem. Keep positive and thinking about all those lovely green fields. I am praying that it works out perfectly for you all.

Jude