Dear All
Isn't all of this just so absolutely the pits? The only honest admission from anybody in the homes mentioned, has been Frazer's Dad's nursing home: this is a business. Well, so it is and as such thrives on the success of its provision of service - a double-edged sword! The most valuable form of advertising is of the word-of-mouth variety and as such looks like they are on to a loser. Would anybody deal with a business in the caring sector which blatantly demonstrates such lack of compassion! Don't answer that, it's rhetorical! Did anybody read in the newspaper last week of the couple presented with a bill for 2 weeks nursing home fees because they hadn't given notice of the parent's death!!
When I asked could Mum be admitted to any nursing home of our choice, we were told yes providing they accepted our local authority's rates (any excess being topped up by her income or ours, whatever). She didn't have to go where the social worker recommended, who was very helpful in all of this on our behalf. We still seem to have got it wrong in some respects but I wonder am I trying to find the perfect solution in a very imperfect system - EMI nursing homes are so far very thin on the ground because of the specialist nature of the care!
I have had occasions to complain. Yes! I have: I know you won't believe it, but I have!! But in doing so and to cover the eventuality of hostility I have always made the point to the duty staff that I think it is appalling that they should have to operate in such a system and appreciate their support for settling Mum, etc. blah di blah. And have asked in my letters to the Matron how we can ALL best work together to resolve the issues. Two can play at Cynical Manipulation (my new board game on sale just in time for Xmas) I always handed the head honcho in mum's 'house' a copy of the letter so that they understand the problem and that I am not slating them, personally. Have had some positive results, have to say. But, there again, this is a BUPA home and as such a huge organisation with a reputation to keep.
What Susan, and Frazer, are dealing with sound the most scary of scenario. Would it be more acceptable to have loved ones in a home further afield, and therefore better cared for whereby we can have some peace of mind when we leave them, or keep them closer in the hope that things will improve? Unfortunately, time is at a premium here so how do you make such a decision? Think I'd go for peace of mind - mine, Dad's but not at the expense of Mum's care needs - which in both these cases seem a little thin on the ground.
I hate to hear of carers suffering unnecessarily in addition to what they are going through every day on the emotional rollercoaster that is caring for our AD sufferers. That's not business, that's a blatant exercise in cynical opportunism and cruelty and as such deserves to be exposed to whomsoever will, or has to be made to, listen.
Thinking of you (and a lot of bloody good that is, I know)
Chesca