Regarding the struggle of whether to tell or not to tell, I can only say it should be left to the close family members of each individual to decide when.
We didn`t tell my husband when he was first diagnosed. Then as his condition deteriorated, I could see how frightened he was, and decided to tell him. It wasn`t the shock I`d expected it to be. It was a label he could apply to his fear.
Now, whenever he has a really bad time, and may be totally unreasonable, when the situation eases, he is contrite. Then I say `It`s not your fault, it`s the Alzheimers`. Although it doesn`t make him feel better, he is absolved from the responsibility for his behaviour and it somehow takes the pressure off him.
We can only do our best. No-one trains us or prepares us for this. It really is trial and error. Sharing experiences doesn`t solve the problem but it certainly helps.
Sylvia