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HELP I'm crashing again

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear 2Jays,

Wonderful news:) It is my personal belief that if one is able to properly care for oneself that is a great gift to others who love and care for us;) Letting others have control of some things can be a way of taking proper care of ourselves.

I hope today has some very special moments in it for you.

Love
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
Sorry 2jays
Only just seen your post and apologise for not supporting you sooner. Barb and I are having our own crash at the moment and we are so far behind with everything.

Polly and Barb
xx

Polly and barb - what a team :)

Reading the above, that you are having your own crash at the moment - please don't hurt yourselves like I have.

No apologies needed. Thank you for your contact.

I am now, when I see a cry for help, if I can't find the words, but want to show support, I put "thinking of you"

The people who have looked at my post, but not posted, thank you for looking, I am supported and comforted by you too.

The people who are posting on my post - thank you isn't enough - but thank you will have to do :)

Thinking of you all xx
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
Glad to see you emerging from the fog of life! Well done for getting so much sorted in a short time. Brilliant.

x

Thank you
Sorted only in my mind.... just need to do it - need to let go, allow myself to do what I know is the right thing to do - its just so difficult to change, what is abnormal thinking, has become normal.

Abnormal not sure that's the right word but sorry can't find the correct term. Apologies if any one offended by my use of the word
 

creativesarah

Registered User
Apr 22, 2010
9,635
0
East Hunsbury Northamptonshire
Glad you are on the up!:):):)
I couldnt bear to think of you going under

Sometimes I find, the harder i get hit, the lower I go but the coming up again is so much more precious

Glad OH is so supportive

let me know when you feel up to a visit I'm there for you

Luv and stuff

Sarah
 

jan.s

Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
7,353
0
70
Thank you
Sorted only in my mind.... just need to do it - need to let go, allow myself to do what I know is the right thing to do - its just so difficult to change, what is abnormal thinking, has become normal.

Abnormal not sure that's the right word but sorry can't find the correct term. Apologies if any one offended by my use of the word

Sorted in your mind is a good start. Small decisions, tiny steps and you'll get there.

Hugs, Jan x
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,927
0
Good morning 2jays,

This sounds like you are really having important personal insights:
Hi all
Thank you. Yes I am getting better. I know it's going to take time to feel totally myself again.

I still get moments of utter dispair, but thankfully I don't have to worry so much about mum. She is happy and settled in her care home. I think the fact she is, allowed me to crash, if that makes sense.

I am avoiding some decisions I have to make for myself, I am being selfish, at last some say until I have a clearer head. It works for me, to have a target ie I will deal with this, that, the other, next week, or when ever I have decided.

I am on a target day today, but I feel its ok to reschedule what I need to do, as I don't won't to do it today. I am learning that some things don't have to be done immediately - I have time. I am allowing me have have me time and not feel selfish for doing so.

Anything that needs to be done, but I don't want to do, my OH does for me. I am now finding it easier not to have to be in control all the time.

Keeping everything under control - that's what my life became. So much so, it almost felt like I had to sort everything out for everybody, felt everything was my responsibility. I couldn't hear a discussion about something, with out the feeling that they expected me to deal with it, when all they were doing was discussing something.

I took responsibility for everyone's happiness, except mine.

Anyone reading this, who is feeling overwhelmed, please I beg you, put yourself first and get some help. Having to arrange this extra help, I know so well, is another pressure for you, but once it's in place, do your utmost to start to let go.

In my opinion
Not letting go, not allowing others to help, feeling I was the only one who could do what needed doing, and crashing, That was being selfish, because were it not for mum being safe and reasonably content in her care home, she would be suffering now too

It means the crash wasn't in vain. I know they say we have to hit bottom in order to really face some issues - I just wish it didn't have to feel so bad.

Taking time for you is such a gift. When hubby was in Ireland for 10 days which turned into 6 weeks due to his work load, I did a personal retreat. Lots of time asking questions of myself - and having such quiet meant I could 'LISTEN' to the answers that came from within. A precious connectedness, and out of that grew my 'happiness from within'.

Well done. Also that your Mum is doing fine, giving you the space to plot new charts and explore new territory. Glad you have supportive OH.

Looking good. Now I am going to take a feather from your cap, and chart my own inner journey. xxxx BE
 

NeverGiveUp

Registered User
May 17, 2011
1,034
0
Glad things seem brighter. I have been worried by it all.

Could I ask everyone's opinion? There are things that are very familiar in what has been going on, does anyone else feel that this crash that many experience is rather like suffering from shock? Medical professionals seem to put it down to reactive depression, I feel it is more like shock after a serious accident. Similar but not the same.

I do wonder if it is something that should be looked at by someone with professional knowledge. I feel that being around dementia gives a mind set like no other. I think we are all heroes.
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
does anyone else feel that this crash that many experience is rather like suffering from shock?

Personally I feel that it will be different things for different people. This is where a proper evaluation of a person would be of great importance. We all come from different histories; we all have different coping mechanisms; some crash, some don't; some from shock, others from other causes.

I do think that carers whether to people with dementia or not, often run at full capacity and this is bound to take its toll. It can be that when one is no longer required to run at full capacity there is space to 'collapse'. Some collapse whilst under the strain of full capacity. I do feel that carers vitally need more assistance rather than the less that is being offered because of cutbacks:eek:

Love
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
Glad things seem brighter. I have been worried by it all.

Could I ask everyone's opinion? There are things that are very familiar in what has been going on, does anyone else feel that this crash that many experience is rather like suffering from shock? Medical professionals seem to put it down to reactive depression, I feel it is more like shock after a serious accident. Similar but not the same.

I do wonder if it is something that should be looked at by someone with professional knowledge. I feel that being around dementia gives a mind set like no other. I think we are all heroes.

Shock. Interesting.
I really wish I had the words to continue this discussion, but I don't at the mo.
It's a thought to be considered.

I just feel my brain switched off. It couldn't take any more. It crashed to give me time to get it right - as I certainly wasn't getting it right before - wasn't getting the balance right I mean.
I guess it's like being in an accident. The shock you go into afterwards. But something is telling me it had similarities but no, definately no, it's not the same. Maybe it's a good way to give a voice to the feelings but, no, I think not.

I don't have the words - ended up Rambling sorry.

Sparked an interest in me tho
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
SNAP 2Jays, we posted at exactly the same time. You know what they say about like minds:D
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
SNAP 2Jays, we posted at exactly the same time. You know what they say about like minds:D

Fools seldom differ ;)

Had a think.... Yes I do feel as if I'm in a shock .... Shocked at myself, the situation - I'm in shock. I think.
But at the time, and still do, it's a really odd feeling. Concious of my brain not working properly.

Feel Out of control. Don't know for sure what is the correct thing to say, do, anything.
Thinking head has it worked out..... Doing head is still in conflict. Emotional head..... No idea. Can't work out what it's doing.


Compartmentalising. Putting everything into their correct boxes. Still doing it.... Still trying to keep everything under control - cant let things just wander into the wrong box... Can't let go... Got to get it right!

Little steps, one by one. - easy typed, hard to do
 

LadyKim

Registered User
Oct 22, 2012
5
0
Croydon
Hi

I'm here to and if it helps I am also in the wrong most of time :)

Big HUGS to you and take care of yourself.

Kim
XXXXX
Im so lonely. Everythig I am saying I am saying wrong. But i know im not. I am jyst saying how i feel but they say i have no right to say the things im saying now i am outside in the cold and freezing. My "suuportive" family are inside the house. I can't do this anymore. Help me. I need support. I canT see cos I'm crying so much. My only friends who understand who I am, are virtual. I need my friends. Virtual friends. I need you
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,927
0
Shock?

Very interesting ideas here.
I think it is important for us all to go within at times like this, so we actually 'listen' and 'hear' what our bodies, minds and spirits are telling us it feels like.

A couple of days ago I read an amazing book about people on a retreat..... they spent time there discussing the difference between depression (as in medical depression so we get anti-depressants) and dispair.

The concept of DISPAIR caught my attention. I know it is just a word, and don't want to mince words...... however, I am not depressed, neither was I when prescribed anti-depressants (which helped totally). However, then, as now, the real emotion is not depression, and dispair (facing a towering cliff, the precipice is always there, looming, dread, shock....) is more appropriate.

I am now very focused on my yoga nidra. I call it Honest Practice. It feels good and healing. xxx Great day to all
 

NeverGiveUp

Registered User
May 17, 2011
1,034
0
I think you are on the right track BE, we live in a world where everything has to be compartmentalised, a tick box society. If the box with the right answer isn't there, it can't get ticked. That is why too many people are labelled as having depression. Dispair is a word that I would use in the context of how I feel when things get really bad. Helpless and powerless are two other words I would use in the description of dementia, both carer and sufferer.

I worry a great deal about the depression label, it has the wrong conotations in respect of dementia in particular. What 2jays described had an edgey familiar feel to it, not the subject but the form of words. This wasn't what I would call depression, it was dispair.

I think that shock set in after that, it is the body's defence mechanism. My feelings are that the dispair/shock feelings which happen over and over again are what causes illness in the carer. To my knowledge this isn't being addressed, the tick box says depression - an easy label to give when a transfer of guilt is used - that transfer of guilt can be the family, those around or the authoities.

I don't think many people who are around those with dementia suffer from depression, I don't know how a depressive would cope with the continual slog we face. I do, however, think that tough people can be worn down by it and suffer dispair/shock.

Opinions?
 

SisterAct

Registered User
Jul 5, 2011
2,255
0
69
Liverpool, Merseyside
Polly and barb - what a team :)

Reading the above, that you are having your own crash at the moment - please don't hurt yourselves like I have.

No apologies needed. Thank you for your contact.

I am now, when I see a cry for help, if I can't find the words, but want to show support, I put "thinking of you"

The people who have looked at my post, but not posted, thank you for looking, I am supported and comforted by you too.

The people who are posting on my post - thank you isn't enough - but thank you will have to do :)

Thinking of you all xx

Thank YOU 2Jays. You will probaly never know how many people you have helped by posting and I'm glad you are in a better place. X


Glad things seem brighter. I have been worried by it all.

Could I ask everyone's opinion? There are things that are very familiar in what has been going on, does anyone else feel that this crash that many experience is rather like suffering from shock? Medical professionals seem to put it down to reactive depression, I feel it is more like shock after a serious accident. Similar but not the same.

I do wonder if it is something that should be looked at by someone with professional knowledge. I feel that being around dementia gives a mind set like no other. I think we are all heroes.

Hi Nevergiveup
Personally I think my shock will come at a later stage at this moment in time we call it Carer Dementia!
You can't think what do do as nothing you try seems to work.
Upset seeing your loved one struggle with this horrible illness and ill treating you (Not intentionally)
All your avenues seem to be blocked (probably because you can't think straight)
All your avenues seem to be blocked by ' The Authorities'
Poor appetite (Continuous coughing up of phlegm by Dad doesn't help)
Lack of sleep, support, exercise and 'normal' conversation.
Juggling all those other balls of life at the same time. At some time or other you do drop one because we are only human......what do we feel ?
Depressed......no TIRED and FRUSTRATED

We all have a big melting pot of issues which when mixed together will affect us all in different ways. This post does highlight that. Barb and I have crashed but we are survivors and will dust ourselves down and start again by working out something to give us more rest.

Well done 2Jays and everyone on here, you are all Angels in disguise. Now get those wings out and have some flying time of your own :).
Luv
Polly x
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,599
0
West Midlands
Carer dementia - familiar - very familiar.
Dispair/shock - yes utter shocking dispair

Dispair day today - visited mum yesterday - - I put the "armour" back on so I could visit her - a good day - but it wasn't really - what does a good day mean?

A good day because she one minute is very happy where she is, the next planning to move back into her own home and we discussing the possibility (special sense language) me knowing, but not telling her that mum moving back home would never be possible ever again - But still keeping mum positive frame of mind.

saw something done by a carer to another resident, couldn't work out in my mind, and should I say something - if it was appropriate or inappropriate. I didn't think appropriate, but keep wonder if I over reacted in my mind..... I don't know any more.... I don't know what's normal.

The carer, I think, ignored a residents calling out, resident got more distressed, I felt carer should have responded in some way, even just to acknowledge the person, didn't expect carer to stop what they were doing, just acknowledge the person but they didn't. Will this carer ignore mum when she isn't as good at communicating as she is now? Is my mum going to end up being ignored?

I can't think straight. It feels it has just taken just one day to start the crash again - switching off again - target stuff for today.... Can't think about it. I feel so useless. Do I have a cup of tea now? I don't know. Almost feels like - do I deserve a cup of tea - ridiculous Absolutely ridiculous. Going to get my cup of tea whether I deserve it or not.
Will save the guilt trip about the tea for later, haven't got the energy for guilt at the moment.
 

Margaret79

Registered User
May 11, 2010
2,077
0
Wisbech, Cambridgeshire
Oh 2jays I feel your despair. I think that you should be looking after yourself at the moment. That's not to say others aren't important just that you need your energy for yourself right now. You give so much to others, now it's your turn.

If a friend was in your situation how would you treat them? Treat yourself this way too. You are very special, the world needs it's 2jays so here I am to remind to to look after yourself, be kind to yourself and give yourself a break.

Am sending you truck loads of hugs

Margaret xxx
 

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