Hi everyone,
You may know from previous posts that I have lived with and cared for my Dad for the past 4.5 years (as well as holding down a full time job) and things have been incredibly tough as Dad's Alzheimers has progressed. I have really struggled as my family ostricised me (as I wouldnt give up my job to care for Dad full time) and my Fiance left me as he couldnt handle the pressure of living with Dad, or, more to to the point the effect/stress it was having on me. I am currently seeing 2 x counsellors to help me cope.
Anyway, I went on a much needed holiday a couple of weeks back and we, as a family, decided to put Dad into a care home for respite (as none of my incredibly critical family would help look after Dad). Well, I have good and bad news... the good news is that Dad loves the home!!!! he has settled in fantastically well and befriended a few of the men and they laugh and joke together, which is brilliant (all I want is for Dad to be happy). But the bad news is that I went to visit Dad as soon as I got back from holiday and Dad didnt recognise me... I've lived with Dad for 39 years and cared for him for 4.5 years and he didnt know me... to say I am heartbroken is an understatement. I know its part of the illness, but my goodness, it really really hurts. I sat with Dad, choked, holding back tears (I truly wanted to sob) but the only thing that kept me going was how settled/happy he was!!
My family want to transfer Dad to a home closer to where we all live as the home he's in now is a 45 min drive, each way, for all of us. I'm not happy as Dad is settled so I'd like him to stay where he is, but, the reality is that after 1.5 weeks Dad still dosent know where his own bedroom is, so I'm praying he will be OK after a few days in the new home and adjust. Its a tough call, but worst comes ot the worst I will just take him back to his current home.
I confess that Dad's illness drove me to the point where I craved my own space and freedom and now I have it I feel lost.... It really dosent help that its Dad's house I live in and its feels empty without him pottering around... but the truth is he is happier/safer in a home as he has someone to talk to 24/7 whereas he had a period of about 2-3hrs alone from when my uncle left (he did the day shift) to when I got home from work and dad would always be in a foul mood when i got home as he hates being alone... he truly is thriving in the care home and hasnt mentioned home... which is hard, but I have to focus on the fact he is settled/happy.
I’m not coping with the fact Dad doesn’t know me, I want to see him, of course I do, but I keep fighting back tears when I’m with him and I’m finding it very hard to get my head around. To be fair, Dad is very happy in his own world and its all of us that feel terribly guilty, when in fact, he really is settled… he was trying to get rid of me on Friday night, towards the end of the night, and that really really hurt. I’d rather see Dad with someone and not on my own… its horrid situation to be in… It’s a double edged sword cos if I don’t see him more than once a week it will give him even more cause not to remember me, but I’m finding it heart-breaking to see him… not good! I need to toughen up and quick!!!!!!
Can anyone else relate to how I feel and how did you cope? I'm crumbling inside whilst trying to put on a brave face...
Social will be calling me about transferring homes and what will happen to Dads home, I presume they cant make me homeless (especialy as I pay bills, council tax and always have done). I'm taking one step at a time... but my head is spinning with it all.
I REALLY need a hug... could really do with a boyfriend right now, but hey, I need to solider on right??!
Jo xx
You may know from previous posts that I have lived with and cared for my Dad for the past 4.5 years (as well as holding down a full time job) and things have been incredibly tough as Dad's Alzheimers has progressed. I have really struggled as my family ostricised me (as I wouldnt give up my job to care for Dad full time) and my Fiance left me as he couldnt handle the pressure of living with Dad, or, more to to the point the effect/stress it was having on me. I am currently seeing 2 x counsellors to help me cope.
Anyway, I went on a much needed holiday a couple of weeks back and we, as a family, decided to put Dad into a care home for respite (as none of my incredibly critical family would help look after Dad). Well, I have good and bad news... the good news is that Dad loves the home!!!! he has settled in fantastically well and befriended a few of the men and they laugh and joke together, which is brilliant (all I want is for Dad to be happy). But the bad news is that I went to visit Dad as soon as I got back from holiday and Dad didnt recognise me... I've lived with Dad for 39 years and cared for him for 4.5 years and he didnt know me... to say I am heartbroken is an understatement. I know its part of the illness, but my goodness, it really really hurts. I sat with Dad, choked, holding back tears (I truly wanted to sob) but the only thing that kept me going was how settled/happy he was!!
My family want to transfer Dad to a home closer to where we all live as the home he's in now is a 45 min drive, each way, for all of us. I'm not happy as Dad is settled so I'd like him to stay where he is, but, the reality is that after 1.5 weeks Dad still dosent know where his own bedroom is, so I'm praying he will be OK after a few days in the new home and adjust. Its a tough call, but worst comes ot the worst I will just take him back to his current home.
I confess that Dad's illness drove me to the point where I craved my own space and freedom and now I have it I feel lost.... It really dosent help that its Dad's house I live in and its feels empty without him pottering around... but the truth is he is happier/safer in a home as he has someone to talk to 24/7 whereas he had a period of about 2-3hrs alone from when my uncle left (he did the day shift) to when I got home from work and dad would always be in a foul mood when i got home as he hates being alone... he truly is thriving in the care home and hasnt mentioned home... which is hard, but I have to focus on the fact he is settled/happy.
I’m not coping with the fact Dad doesn’t know me, I want to see him, of course I do, but I keep fighting back tears when I’m with him and I’m finding it very hard to get my head around. To be fair, Dad is very happy in his own world and its all of us that feel terribly guilty, when in fact, he really is settled… he was trying to get rid of me on Friday night, towards the end of the night, and that really really hurt. I’d rather see Dad with someone and not on my own… its horrid situation to be in… It’s a double edged sword cos if I don’t see him more than once a week it will give him even more cause not to remember me, but I’m finding it heart-breaking to see him… not good! I need to toughen up and quick!!!!!!
Can anyone else relate to how I feel and how did you cope? I'm crumbling inside whilst trying to put on a brave face...
Social will be calling me about transferring homes and what will happen to Dads home, I presume they cant make me homeless (especialy as I pay bills, council tax and always have done). I'm taking one step at a time... but my head is spinning with it all.
I REALLY need a hug... could really do with a boyfriend right now, but hey, I need to solider on right??!
Jo xx