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Help guilt ridden!

Rashley

Registered User
Dec 21, 2014
20
Devon
My husband is very loving but his VD is getting worse as he has had a lot of epilatic fits and has been hospitalised. He doesn't always realise I am his wife but nows I am looking after him and clings to me. Sometimes I feel stifled although he goes to day care once a week. I have just booked a weeks respite and don't know how I will leave him there in the CH. He hasn't, settled in day care because he is away from me, how am I going to manage?
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Hello Rashley and welcome to TP :)

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time, it is awful to feel so stifled. I am glad you have booked respite.....and you will manage, because you must. You sound at the end of your tether, and you need a break. If you don't look after yourself, you will burn out and then you will be no use to your husband or yourself!!

So....yes, it's hard. Lots of people on here will be able to understand how you feel. But take that break, and come back refreshed :)

Sending you very best wishes

Lindy xx
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
Hiya Rashley. I'm very familiar with epilepsy as I've seen people who have it, and knew a couple of folk very well. It's terrifying to see it for the first time.

Wishing you strength, and hope the respite will help you both.
 

disi

Registered User
Aug 4, 2014
5,722
Ex pat living in Sweden
My husband is very loving but his VD is getting worse as he has had a lot of epilatic fits and has been hospitalised. He doesn't always realise I am his wife but nows I am looking after him and clings to me. Sometimes I feel stifled although he goes to day care once a week. I have just booked a weeks respite and don't know how I will leave him there in the CH. He hasn't, settled in day care because he is away from me, how am I going to manage?
Hi Rashley, My husband has VD and has got a lot worse over the last 3 months. He does go to a day centre 5 times a week. But to begin with he wasn't happy and said he wouldn't go. Now he really likes it but is always very pleased to come home knowing I am here. Over the last few weeks he hasn't been sleeping very much at night and is constantly coming into me and waking me up. Of course he thinks he sleeps well as he short term memory is extremely poor. I have booked him into respite tomorrow for 2 nights and was dreading telling him as this is the first time. But slowly he seemed to understand it was me he was doing it for as I am so exhausted. I know he will miss me and probably not understand why I am not there.

It is so hard for us carers to see our loved ones with this dreadful illness, but you must have the break to keep your strength up. There are many people on TP who have or are going through what we are. So my very best wishes and hugs to you and your husband. disi x
 

Rashley

Registered User
Dec 21, 2014
20
Devon
Help guilt ridden

Thank you for your kind words it is hell going through VD stages with our loved ones. Very difficult as he has short term memory and his language is gradually fading therefore difficult to communicate why I need him to go in to respite. X
 

Maymab

Registered User
Oct 8, 2013
214
Staffs
I would have a word with someone at the care home so that they can be aware of your situation and will help settle him in. It would be best not to tell him about the respite until the day as he may worry about it. You never know, he might be quite happy there especially if he feels looked after by the staff.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
 

thebes

Registered User
Feb 10, 2014
163
London
So glad to see these posts as I too am struggling with anxiety and guilt over my need for respite. I already have support both from day care twice a week, and a carer 7 hours a week arranged to suit me. Also my lovely step daughter is coming to stay for a weekendand I will get a 48 hr break soon. And I really appreciate all that as I know many TPers don't get that level of help.
But it is not enough to keep me going when I am having bad nights. I feel a bit down as I have tried hard to solve the practical problems that were making nights so bad, and things had improved... but this last fortnight it feels are if things are changing for the worse again, his whole sleep pattern has altered. He is sleeping much less at night and is up every hour or so, he has also stopped resting very much during the day. We are seeing his GP next week after a blood test result comes back so I can check physical causes with her.
I don't know whether it is better to book him in somewhere for a short stay as an introduction or to go for a week straight off? And whether I should visit while he is there, or tell him I will be away. What have others found has worked best for them?
 

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