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Help - getting socially isolated

Kazzy2016

Registered User
Mar 5, 2017
42
East Anglia
Hi

Anyone got any advice please?

As a parents FT carer over the last year any social life I did have is now non-existent. I have siblings with active life's who do not see how lonely things can be.

I can cope with the caring, the conversations that repeat so many times. But not talking to anyone else is getting difficult.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
I think this is something most primary Carers struggle with. Almost imperceptibly, your life is taken over. It is a real struggle, but for the sake of your own health and sanity you need to try and arrange some time for yourself. Whether that's by arranging Carers or sitters coming in or a Day Centre, or siblings taking a turn, but you will get burned out if you don't get some time to yourself.
 

CarerForMum

Registered User
May 5, 2017
37
Hi

Anyone got any advice please?

As a parents FT carer over the last year any social life I did have is now non-existent. I have siblings with active life's who do not see how lonely things can be.

I can cope with the caring, the conversations that repeat so many times. But not talking to anyone else is getting difficult.
Where I am there are groups for carers, also with or without mum I attend various events. Have you looked at Support near you? The link is: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20011/find_support_near_you#!/search The only social life I have is these events.
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,628
Hampshire
Kazzy, it's hard, but it's best to try to do some 'normal' stuff for yourself as well as the caring. If I didn't have my little 'distractions' then I think I would have gone mad!

I've been caring for mum at home for just over a year and a half now. Mum's onset was quite sudden, probably following a stroke which I didn't witness, so I went from having a near 100% perfectly well mother (89 at the time) to someone with pretty severe cognitive impairment within about 3 days (now 91 and physically still going strong!). Fortunately, during mum's last hospitalisation, the staff insisted she could not return home without a care package, so we started off with carers straight away. My job had to go as it wasn't possible for me to go out to work. I literally could not leave the house as could not take mum anywhere due to her condition at the time, so could not do anything at all. One and a half years on, mum still will not 'settle' with the carer (same one we've had since the start!), but there's no option for there being no carer visits as I would not be able to leave the house again (no family or close friends close by).

Fortunately, mum has settled a bit in that I can at least take her food shopping with me. The carer covers any appointments I need to go to, or the odd lunch with a friend or a full day out walking with a local group (God, how I miss my walking!). I was lucky in that my replacement at work didn't work out, so the boss offered me my old job back, albeit on much reduced hours. Sometimes I think that job is the key thing that has helped keep me sane - I was ecstatic when I got that call!

Sorry, that was all about me, but I was just trying to show how I've managed to make the best of what for me was a horrendous change in my life (and mum's of course, though she is blessedly unaware). You must have breaks, go to a carer support group to let off steam and share experiences with others, meet someone for a coffee or lunch, or just go out for a walk or a look around the shops. I felt I had to preserve my sanity in some way, and so I cling on to these breaks for me, they are my lifeline to keeping myself well.

Also, just recently, I've started seeing a counsellor. I've only seen her twice so far, but it's yet another 'lifeline' for me - just knowing that I have one more person to go and talk/offload to helps me tremendously.
 

Trisha4

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
2,440
Yorkshire
I agree with you Kazzy and the other comments. Is it possible to have a little respite at a time you can go along to something you enjoy. I have a carer for my husband for a couple of hours on a Friday afternoon so I can go to keep fit. We also have a sitting service provided by our council. I am entitled to a sit a fortnight for up to 6 hours. It is important that we keep functioning to be able to keep caring.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
Hello, I want to emphasise something, please please try to arrange some time away from home doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with caring and Dementia. Hairdresser, massage, swim...... something, anything!

Carer's meetings are important but they give you no break from the world of caring and this is vital.

Take it from one who, having been through it and stopped caring for Mum over two years ago.....I have zero social life that does not involve my family. I gave it all up and can never get it back.:(
 

Dave66

Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
78
Hi Kazzy2016

Have you had a Carers Assessment?

My Dad had one and now he get's 2 morning's per week when he can have a few hours every day to himself, not much, but better than nothing, and there are additional hours/days if he wants to take them.

Do you have an Admiral Nurse in your area? These are excellent at offering support, advice and pointing you in the right direction.

Have you had a meeting with someone from Occupational Therapy?
The lady that came to assess Mam for a few domestic adaptations, also offered various courses/sessions that Mam could go to, which meant Dad got a few hours "Off" per week while Mam attended these.

Do you have an Alzheimer's Cafe in your area?
I'm sure if you do some research you will find there are numerous clubs/organisations in your area for Carer's and their loved one.

Good luck.
 

Ludlow

Registered User
Jul 20, 2016
108
SE England
Not exactly a social life, but I just wanted to put in a word for Singing for the Brain/Mind/whatever you have in your area.

You wouldn't believe how therapeutic it is (not just for mum, but for me!) singing and banging a tambourine :) Highlight of my week!
 

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