Im sort of writing this on behalf of my mum, she has had a brain haemorrhage and finds it hard to summarise (as well as many other things) so I will try to put the situation now for you all and hopefully you can help me, mum, my gran and all our supporting (and not so!) loved ones. Tell us: Where do we go from here? My gran has vascular dementia, she is usually orientated to place and person although days get the better of her, in hospital after being admitted for general frailty she became disorientated stating she would not pay for her room etc, Im sure you can imagine. She is now home with carers visiting at key times. Problem is she wont accept help, her insight is so poor she sees no reason to let people help her. You can explain to her that she got home with the package of care after nearly ending up sectioned and in a nursing home and then she can see the need for help but then the loop starts again. People are interfering right left and centre and she dosent remember why. I have seen this many times and know its get worse before it gets better. Trying to re orientate people with mid to late dementia is like bailing water out of a boat full of holes. Mum has become her main carer dealing with drs, carers, SW, memory clinic, depressed and manipulative family members and my gran herself for years now. Mum spends so much time on the phone, she lives in Perthshire with her partner and my gran lives on the Wirral alone, I live in Glasgow and have finals for uni coming up, my uncle is only an hour from my gran but is only intermittently helpful and often makes things worse. If mum backs off and lets my gran send the carers away without doing anything she will forget her meds, eat less and less and really hardly wash, sleep in the chair, just go round in circles in a sorry state. I know mum cant maintain the level of stress and anguish. Would having my gran move in with mum make it better? Im not sure, she just follows mum around like a ghost, it would be terrible. I dont see her going for living with me, mum is the key to all this. How do we ensure my gran has some quality of life and take some pressure off us? She would FREAK OUT if we put her in a home, ok we would not need to deal with the ever more bizarre behaviour or the day to day dealings that grow arms and legs but the old lady we love would be furious and broken hearted. Help!