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Help dont know what to do


New member
Sep 14, 2021
My mum is in a care home and been diagnosed with late onset my brother has put her in a home she hates it there and wants to move to one near me..I live 80 odd miles away so cannot get to see her often. I have lpa on her property and finance and also on health & wellbeing as also my brother. My brother has access to all documentation and will not let me have any access to any not even her bank account. I want to move her but my brother is dead against it and will not allow it..I'm in the process of getting access to her account as per her wishes..she is self funding do not know my or her rights on leaving the home she is at now I am in contact with her solicitor as I do not trust my brother with her account as he will not give me any info on it..also her house is being sold and the funds will be going into said account....feeling so frustrated as she can not bear being there and he doesn't understand leaving her where she is will make her worse

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello @Bay4536 Welcome to the forum.

If you have contact with your mother`s solicitor I`m sure you will be getting the best advice even though some solicitors may move too slowly for you.

You could also contact the Helpline Dementia Connect.



Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
Does the power of attorney set out any rules about which attorney should manage her affairs? ( E.g. that one acts if the other cannot). Are you joint attorneys or joint and several attorneys?


Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
West Hertfordshire
As joint attorney you have every right to access bank account etc. Have you contacted the bank? Do you have a copy of the POA paperork that names you?

A move is not always the best thing for a person with dementia- very few want to be where they are.
Not sure that laving her where she is will ''Make her worse'' - I strongly urge you to very carefully consider where she is now- will you be able to manage everything- including her not wanting to be where you put her- in an unusual envronment?


Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
Hi @Bay4536 , I think you have two separate problems. Your brother not letting you have access to your mum's accounts and your mother wanting to move near you.
First of all your brother, can you have a non-confrontational meeting with him about your concerns? My brother and I have joint LPA for my mother but I do all the work, partly because my brother has been very ill, but also because he trusts me to manage things for her. He does have access to her accounts if he wants to see what is happening, and I run things past him before doing them. As for the house sale. We sold mum's house using LPA when my brother was at his worst. The solicitor wanted him to write a letter confirming he was happy for me to do all the work regarding the move even though we hold the LPA jointly and severely. Brother was too ill to do that, but she did accept a brief email from him saying he was happy with the sale. I'm sure the solicitor managing the sale of your mum's place would want to know you are happy for your brother to be acting on your mum's behalf. If you really think your brother is not acting in your mother's best interests you can contact the Office of the Public Guardian, but that is a bit of a nuclear option and may damage your relationship with your brother irreparably.
Secondly your mother and her care home. I know it's tricky to visit often when you live so far away, but have you been to see the home and is there anything about it you think makes it an unsuitable place for your mother? I'm afraid people with dementia often want to be elsewhere, and your mother may well say she wants to be near your brother or back at her childhood home if you do move her. I'd think long and hard about moving her even if you can. Something else to try and discuss with your brother.