Help. Desperate and in despair and I do not know what to do

Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
0
West London
I can't go into private renting...that will mean moving every year or so and never settling. I'm broken as it is and homelessness is yet another problem to face, I don't think I can


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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
0
near Folkestone
I can't go into private renting...that will mean moving every year or so and never settling. I'm broken as it is and homelessness is yet another problem to face, I don't think I can


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Just sit tight and plz plz don't let them scare you! They Will have to accommodate. Just concentrate on mum for now and when you have time go to CAB they are good and will help you xxxxxx


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Sad Misty

Registered User
Jun 8, 2015
31
0
If there is one thing i ´ve learnt in my previous life its giving up in any way shape or form is not going to be the right way Kazza dear . il admit that things at the moment seams problematic and that you probably feel you cant do this anymore. however al i have to do is say despite al the poor ods im still here today (still struggling ) so you cant just give up dear
 
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Solitaire

Registered User
Apr 29, 2014
8
0
Hi Kazza,
I hope things are looking a bit better for you today.

Although you will feel unable to think straight at the moment don't give up and don't feel bad about asking for as much help as you can get, to see you through the next period.
Before you think of leaving the property please check out with CAB or Age UK what your options are. Depending on whether the house is owned by your mother or rented is the first thing and how long you have lived there is relevant too.

It's a horrible time but things do get better when you don't take on all of the responsibility yourself. Please ask for and accept ANY help offered.
I wish you luck.
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Dear Kazza

If there's one benefit to the awful experiences you've had over the last days and weeks, it's that your mum is now in hospital. Now is your chance to tell it like it is, insist she is reassessed, make it quite clear you can't go on as you were. It is social services and the hospital's job to ensure a safe discharge....and it seems to me that discharging your mum without making major changes ( to medication or to care plan) would not be safe.

Re the tenancy of the flat, I'm sorry if I've missed something, but if this is still not resolved, now is your chance to say that it must be.

Please, please speak to a social worker at the hospital, and if you don't feel that is helpful, contact your MP. Sometimes it takes an MP to bang heads together to make the system work!

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best :)

Lindy xx
 
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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
0
West London
Mums home is a council property, I need to be added to tenancy but as mum has no capacity I need to get court of protection to let me be deputy


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Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Mums home is a council property, I need to be added to tenancy but as mum has no capacity I need to get court of protection to let me be deputy


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Thanks for that, Kazza :) I knew I'd missed something!

The principle remains the same, though. It is in no-one's interest for you to lose your home. The council can be more proactive if it wants to be. And you need and deserve some time off, at the very least.

I hope you have a good MP - a lot of them are trying to make a good impression at the moment, just after the election. In any case, they are there to look after their constituents :)

Please take care of yourself as well as your mum.

((((Hugs))))

Lindy xx
 

Grannie G

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Apr 3, 2006
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Kent

Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
0
West London
Hospital trying to send mum home saying she's fine. I want them to keep her one more night. They claim it's not a water infection, when I rang at 730 this morning they hadn't done a urine sample or test. I need to have a sleep. I'm irrational at the mo. If they send her home now how can I leave her alone at any given time? It wouldn't be safe. They claim she's talking relative sense now, I don't buy it.


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LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
Kazza-you can't carry on the way you have been; please, please phone the Hospital back and insist that a care plan is set up before your Mum leaves, To be quite honest from reading this thread, and your other posts, I thought your Mum had been admitted to a Mental Health Assessment Hospital-which would be much more help to her-and you.

I know that you are tired of fighting but please remember that no one has to be a carer-especially when no help is forthcoming. Tell the Hospital that you will not be responsible for your Mum's safety until you get some help-and you will hold them responsible if she comes to any harm. So difficult to do I know

Take care

Lyn T XX
 

Sad Misty

Registered User
Jun 8, 2015
31
0
I second that statement
Kazza-you can't carry on the way you have been; please, please phone the Hospital back and insist that a care plan is set up before your Mum leaves, To be quite honest from reading this thread, and your other posts, I thought your Mum had been admitted to a Mental Health Assessment Hospital-which would be much more help to her-and you.

You have to to stand up fore rights and not accept anything less then she is as soon as possible admitted to a Mental care etc.... home Kazza

I know that you are tired of fighting but please remember that no one has to be a carer-especially when no help is forthcoming. Tell the Hospital that you will not be responsible for your Mum's safety until you get some help-and you will hold them responsible if she comes to any harm. So difficult to do I know

Again couldn't have sed it better my self you have to try to stand up against them (as i do currently as well actually ) and make it clear you cant continue any more ,as long as you continue to let them of course they will try to step over you this things cost money if you're legally ( ,like over here ) entitled the help demand to get it Kazza this will not go well at al i fear :(
 
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Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
Kazza, I know you are exhausted but I agree with Lyn. Neither you nor your mum would be safe if she is discharged with no proper assessment or treatment.

I really think you need to put your foot down. It's not a question of you refusing to look after your mum, it's a case of keeping her (and you) safe. I suggest you tell the hospital that you feel she needs a specialist mental health / dementia assessment. She is ill and she needs treatment. And you cannot go on as you have been....

We are here at your elbow, willing you on, offering you virtual hugs and supportive cups of coffee / chocolate / bowl of pasta / whatever would help. Try to be clear with the hospital, then try to get some rest.

Take care :)

Lindy xx
 

Lisethepiece

Registered User
May 3, 2015
23
0
Kazza, I know you are exhausted but I agree with Lyn. Neither you nor your mum would be safe if she is discharged with no proper assessment or treatment.

I really think you need to put your foot down. It's not a question of you refusing to look after your mum, it's a case of keeping her (and you) safe. I suggest you tell the hospital that you feel she needs a specialist mental health / dementia assessment. She is ill and she needs treatment. And you cannot go on as you have been....

We are here at your elbow, willing you on, offering you virtual hugs and supportive cups of coffee / chocolate / bowl of pasta / whatever would help. Try to be clear with the hospital, then try to get some rest.

Take care :)

Lindy xx

Kazza,

I'm so sorry to hear what a terrible time you have been going through. I was in your shoes a month or so ago and Mum is now in a CH and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. One thing that helped me was to talk to the Elderley Care Team at the council and they put a 'safe-guarding' issue against Mum's situation. Those words certainly seemed to help in my situation - they can advise you and co-ordinate activity with the hospital, GP and local mental health team. It might be worth a try calling the equivalent team in your area to see what they can do to help.

Really hoping things get better for you soon. L.
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
0
London
Hospital trying to send mum home saying she's fine. I want them to keep her one more night. They claim it's not a water infection, when I rang at 730 this morning they hadn't done a urine sample or test. I need to have a sleep. I'm irrational at the mo. If they send her home now how can I leave her alone at any given time? It wouldn't be safe. They claim she's talking relative sense now, I don't buy it.


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Hi Kazza you have to ask hospital.for your mum to be assessed by mental.health team as you can't go on coping on your own speaking from.experience they tried to do the same with my husband said he had been fine then I found out he had been violent I asked for him.to be assessed he is now having 1-1 care in hospital unit thinking of you xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,005
0
72
Dundee
I'm sorry that things are still bad for you. You have had lots of good advice and support here but I wondered if it would help to speak with someone about your problems. The Samaratins organisation provides emotional support and it might be good to share your feelings/situation with them. This is the link to their website -

http://www.samaritans.org

The phone number is - 08457 90 90 90

The other avenue for you to talk with someone would be the Alzheimer Society National Dementia Helpline. They can be contacted on this number - 0300 222 1122. You can find more information about the helpline here -

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200365

I also wondered about the PALS service. We don't have it in Scotland but I have heard that they can be very helpful. It stands for Patient Advice and Liaison services. You can find out if there is a service in your area here-
http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Patient advice and liaison services (PALS)/LocationSearch/363
 
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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
0
West London
On my way to the hospital to speak to the och. Worried they are going to insist on discharging her. I'm in a state at the moment and don't feel capable of giving mum the care she needs and deserves


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Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,242
0
Cotswolds
On my way to the hospital to speak to the och. Worried they are going to insist on discharging her. I'm in a state at the moment and don't feel capable of giving mum the care she needs and deserves


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Hope you don't mind me bolding a bit of your post.

I feel it's the crux of it. You must tell them that you cannot manage to look after your mum at the moment. She needs further assessment and treatment in my opinion (probably from a mental health team) before you could consider having her home.

Remember by the way, it's your home as well as hers!!! Even if you are waiting to get your name on the tenancy.

Stick to your guns Kazza, please follow the excellent advice offered by other posters.

I've never used this phrase on here before, but I'm holding your hand :)

Love, Lindy xx
 

Sad Misty

Registered User
Jun 8, 2015
31
0
On my way to the hospital to speak to the och. Worried they are going to insist on discharging her. I'm in a state at the moment and don't feel capable of giving mum the care she needs and deserves


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Good fore you Kazza (thumbs up ) Stay strong hold you're ground make it chrystal clear that you're not able to be available anymore , do keep us informed and good luck :) (crossing fingers and toes )
 
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