Help. Carer burnout. what to do?

[Nadya19]

I have been mom's single carer now for more than a year. I was sharing caring before with my sister who passed away this year. It's been 3 years that mom won't stay home alone ...I was able to get away and have a respite and come back refreshed when sister was around. This year there was no such opportunity. At the moment there is no care home option in my place for mom. there is only like 2 around and their conditions are horrible. Only option is to have 24 hr carer which i found one reliable but she can start only March/April. Unfortunately i realised I'm failing . Im caring for mom and washing , cooking and doing everything mechanically at the moment. But I snap at people , little things make me angry - previously i wouldn't pay attention to such things. At the moment I found another carer until April but she can do only half a day or max a day some days. No help from anywhere else. problem with mom is she is scared to be on her own. Unless i sneak out of the house while she is sleeping she is 24 hrs by my side. I feel trapped and I'm only 35. I haven't been out on my own in a year. Neighbors call me "a girl with mom". I have changed my work to half time online and even that is becoming a burden now...what can i do ? At the moment trying to get grief counseling too myself and i feel like it's just all too much .. It feels like im cracking ..I need some days off until April

 

[lollyc]

I have been mom's single carer now for more than a year. I was sharing caring before with my sister who passed away this year. It's been 3 years that mom won't stay home alone ...I was able to get away and have a respite and come back refreshed when sister was around. This year there was no such opportunity. At the moment there is no care home option in my place for mom. there is only like 2 around and their conditions are horrible. Only option is to have 24 hr carer which i found one reliable but she can start only March/April. Unfortunately i realised I'm failing . Im caring for mom and washing , cooking and doing everything mechanically at the moment. But I snap at people , little things make me angry - previously i wouldn't pay attention to such things. At the moment I found another carer until April but she can do only half a day or max a day some days. No help from anywhere else. problem with mom is she is scared to be on her own. Unless i sneak out of the house while she is sleeping she is 24 hrs by my side. I feel trapped and I'm only 35. I haven't been out on my own in a year. Neighbors call me "a girl with mom". I have changed my work to half time online and even that is becoming a burden now...what can i do ? At the moment trying to get grief counseling too myself and i feel like it's just all too much .. It feels like im cracking ..I need some days off until April

Hello @Nadya19 , I am a sole carer too, although older than you, and I can get out for an hour or so a couple of times a day. But I understand how restrictive it is.
Are there any opportunities for daycare in your area? (I'm not sure you are in UK?) Obviously covid is having an impact on what is currently available, but you may be lucky. Here some care homes offer daycare, and there are community clubs that provide a lunch and entertainment. Not all are dementia specific, but can cope with a mild stage of the disease. You may need to trawl the internet, as often the smaller community / church run activities don't get onto the major charity lists.

 

[Nadya19]

Hello @Nadya19 , I am a sole carer too, although older than you, and I can get out for an hour or so a couple of times a day. But I understand how restrictive it is.
Are there any opportunities for daycare in your area? (I'm not sure you are in UK?) Obviously covid is having an impact on what is currently available, but you may be lucky. Here some care homes offer daycare, and there are community clubs that provide a lunch and entertainment. Not all are dementia specific, but can cope with a mild stage of the disease. You may need to trawl the internet, as often the smaller community / church run activities don't get onto the major charity lists.

Thank you. I'll check into those. Last time I looked there was only one available and it was full including fully booked waiting list. I'm not from UK we do not have such church or community places.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Nadya19
you mention that you might have a carer who can do half days ... I appreciate that you may have to work some of the time the carer is there, but could you use some of that time to go out, knowing your mom has the carer with her

 

[Nadya19]

hi @Nadya19
you mention that you might have a carer who can do half days ... I appreciate that you may have to work some of the time the carer is there, but could you use some of that time to go out, knowing your mom has the carer with her

Thank you . Yes i feel like this is the most available option right now. At least having some time off while carer will be here for half a day. She is new so i have to be around until mom gets used to her. I don't know if it will be enough though I feel I need my time on my own so much right now..a couple of days just me on my own..