Help at last after a very long road.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sterling, Oct 26, 2015.

  1. Sterling

    Sterling Registered User

    Jun 20, 2013
    69
    This weekend was our Crisis point. My mum was sectioned on Sunday and will now get the help that she so desperately needs but has refused for so long! I am exhausted and relieved! During the process she was furious with me and was accusing me betraying her. It was ironic that she was not angry with the doctors who is saying that she had not the 'mental capacity' to make decisions but she was furious because they were taking her 'right to leave' away and I would not take her home. I have seen her since and she is now calmer and accepting of the situation. What a roller coaster!! She was moved to the nearest hospital bed for the time being and will be moved again to the specialist hospital ,hopefully at the beginning of this week. Any tips on what I should expect next? :confused:
     
  2. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    801
    North East
    I don't have any tips but do have words of encouragement. I'm so glad that now this point has been reached that you now have the help you have needed for quite some time. I've read that sectioning, although often traumatic at the time is the best thing as medication can be tweaked under controlled conditions and she will be fully assessed and cared for in the mean time. Try and have a bit of rest for yourself xx
     
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,517
    Female
    England
    I think just get through each day as it comes. There is no defined course.

    My husband was admitted to an assessment unit and like you I felt he would get the help he needed. For weeks he would not take his coat off, carried his clothes around with him ticked under his arms and took a fire extinguisher off the wall to throw through a window. He even tried to scale the garden wall. They seemed to be getting no where with him.

    Then one day we arrived at our usual time and he was not by the door where he had been every day for weeks. He was sitting in one of the lounges, no coat on, no clothes under his arms, he was having tea and cake with one of the staff and chatting away.

    What ever they were doing was working, for my husband it took weeks but for others it was much shorter, many came and went whilst he was there, some were still there after he left.

    Take this time to get some rest yourself. Your Mum is safe, it will take a while for her to be observed properly by experts before they know the route to go. It was the turning point for us, my husband left the unit no longer tormented by this dreadful disease and he settled from day one into the nursing home. A bonus for me was that they also cared about me.
     
  4. Sterling

    Sterling Registered User

    Jun 20, 2013
    69
    Thank you for your replies. My mum would have 'dreams' which were so real she believed they were true and acted on them. She would 'receive threatening telephone calls' which I was unable to trace or find evidence of and was convinced that there was a facebook campaign go hate against her. I couldn't find any evidence of this either - she doesn't have any internet - she knew because she had been 'told'. (She is ex directory and has changed her number at least 4 times in the last 3 years) Her memory has deteriorated but she refused to go to any memory services assessments because of the stigma and label of mental health.
     
  5. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,664
    North West
    A very difficult time for you Sterling but it's good to hear that your mum has calmed down and is more accepting of the situation. I'm sure that has made a big difference to you and it's good that others who have been in the same situation have posted positively as well - not only is that reassuring for you but it will also help others who will read the thread.
     
  6. Sterling

    Sterling Registered User

    Jun 20, 2013
    69
    We now have a Diagnosis and are in the system. Medication is being started today and the memory tests will also be done. Mum, despite being very clearly told, still has no idea. Progress at last. I also can't speak highly enough of all the professionals that I have met in the last 4 days. It's so good to know that mum is in safe hands!
     
  7. woodbrooklabs

    woodbrooklabs Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    45
    Hi, can I ask what the breaking point was that resulted in your mum being sectioned?

    I've a feeling this will happen with my dad at some point in the future as he refuses to attend memory clinic.

    So glad you are finally getting the help that's needed for you and your mum. Best possible outcome.x
     
  8. Juliem61

    Juliem61 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2015
    23
    My dad was sectioned, first under section 2 for assessment and now under section 3 for further assessment and treatment.

    He is in a specialist hospital and, at first, it was a great relief that he was safe and there was aless pressure on the family.

    He was sectioned because of safety issues. He has sundowning issues, he likes to go out walking at night and doesn't necessarily make it back home and can be aggressive and violent.

    The staff at the hospital are great and although I understand that he is going to continuously deteriorate it is difficult to watch this happen and not think that he would be better off, and that he would deteriorate slower, if he were at home.

    He has severe dementia with Alzheimer's and, even in hospital, he rarely goes to bed, walking all night and consequently is often completely disorientated during the day.

    I don't know what will happen when he leaves hospital. He is unlikely to be allowed home and I cannot imagine a care facility which will be geared up to cater for his particular needs without using heavy medication.

    If anyone has any similar experiences, I know everyone's different but I wish I could prepare for what is to come.
     
  9. Austinsmum

    Austinsmum Registered User

    Oct 7, 2012
    305
    Melton Mowbray
    My mum was sectioned after a crisis point not unlike your own, Sterling and I had exactly the same roller coaster of emotions. The spiteful vitriol I got from my own dear mum was unreal. But, it was the best thing that could have happened. Because of her (temporary) hatred of me I kept a low profile for a while but over a period of four months she was transformed - and not with heavy cocktails either. All the fear and anxiety fell from her face and she was calm again. I cannot praise the hospital ward enough for doing such a great job. The consultant on the ward said she could never live in society again as she'd been such a danger prior to admission so she was moved to an LA funded bed in a nearby nursing home which is also wonderful and I have my dear mum smiling once again. She's much further down the D road now but her little dog always jumps straight on her knee and her face lights up when we visit.
    On a more sombre note; tomorrow is our annual CHC review...I've been burning the midnight oil till I know that damn 140 page framework inside out and upside down. Woe betide any SW who tries that 'talk to the hand' trick. I'll eat them for breakfast! :D
     
  10. Juliem61

    Juliem61 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2015
    23
    I hope you don't mind me asking but, before your mum had dementia, would you have thought that she was the type of personality that would be happy living in a care home?

    I know that, obviously, everyone would prefer to live in their own home but was she a social, sharing, open type of person?

    The reason I ask is that I cannot imagine my dad being happy in a care home, although his dementia does seem to have made him more open socially.
     
  11. Austinsmum

    Austinsmum Registered User

    Oct 7, 2012
    305
    Melton Mowbray
    No, before she was sectioned she categorically didn't want to go into a home, possibly because she was scared it would be awful (plus the mental illness connotations). Unfortunately during the sectioning I was the one who had to take her :eek: but I sold it to her by saying I was taking her to hospital, she'd said for a while something was wrong with her and she didn't know what it was so I said tonight they've got a place for you and we're going to get this sorted. Thankfully, when we arrived the staff were wearing nurses uniforms so the blagging worked! Phew!
     
  12. Austinsmum

    Austinsmum Registered User

    Oct 7, 2012
    305
    Melton Mowbray
    And further to this, not long after she arrived at the care home from the hospital ward, she had a relationship (platonic, I think!) which gave both her and the other chap a lot of comfort. They used to sit and hold hands and stroke each others faces. Made me smile I can tell you (once I'd checked the chap didn't have a visiting wife!)
     
  13. Sterling

    Sterling Registered User

    Jun 20, 2013
    69
    #13 Sterling, Oct 27, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2015
    My mum had been having 'dreams' for a while of thinking that she had heard from people and that they had had a go at her - it was all fairly unpleasant but nothing significant enough for me to act. However on Friday, an hour after seeing me, she rang my husband to pick her up immediately. She had left her home and was found in a state in a bus stop around the corner. She told us that someone was trying to kill her and gave a lengthy story to justify it. She also said she was going to put her house in my name and then commit suicide. She stayed with us for one night but she was still so frightened the next. We called the out of hours Drs and they said to go straight to A &E which we did. At first she agreed to stay willingly and I went home to pick up some things for her. By the time I returned she was demanding to leave and the Drs had started the sectioning process. I was called a cow and she said that she always knew I would betray her because I would not take her home. She was beyond scared and I could not let her live in that 'fearing for her life' state.
    Even now in the hospital she has no idea where she is or why - she thinks I have said unfounded things which means they are keeping her in.
    It is a very horrible position to be put in when the child becomes the parent and has to act and take charge to get help.
     
  14. Juliem61

    Juliem61 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2015
    23
    That is very similar to what we have told Dad. He is in hospital at the moment under section and when he asks we tell him he is there for help with his memory as he thinks he has mild dementia, even though it is now severe. He does sometimes say to the staff that he doesn't think he should be there and that he's in the wrong place. I don't know how he would cope with a care home, although I am still thinking of him pre-dementia rather than as he actually is now. The thought of him being distressed or feeling abandoned is so difficult to bear. Hopefully if the time comes, like your mum, he will be happy and appreciate the care and help.
     
  15. Juliem61

    Juliem61 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2015
    23
    This is almost an identical scenario as my dad's. He was extremely paranoid and often thought people were trying to break into his house. He was sectioned for 28 days and just as it was about to run out the Drs said he would be moving to a care home then at the 11th hour they changed their minds and he is now under section 3 and will remain in hospital for a further 6 months. Presumably, h will eventually move to a care home.
     
  16. Austinsmum

    Austinsmum Registered User

    Oct 7, 2012
    305
    Melton Mowbray
    My mum was moved from the hospital to the CH in an ambulance so she thought the CH was a hospital too on the rare moments she had any cognition. White lies. ;)
     
  17. woodbrooklabs

    woodbrooklabs Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    45
    Great to read everyones experience of their loved ones being sectioned for various reasons. It is bound to take some of the pressure off knowing that the person is getting the help required.

    My own dad is paranoid about people breaking in, stealing cctv cameras (which were never there), tampering with windows etc. On Monday he lost his car, so that's another issue to deal with over the next few days.

    I may be in a similar situation some day in the future.


    Many thanks
     
  18. Sterling

    Sterling Registered User

    Jun 20, 2013
    69
    Mum is now worried that if she stays in hospital for more than a certain time that the NHS will start charging? She still has no idea why she is in despite being very clearly told...
     
  19. Sterling

    Sterling Registered User

    Jun 20, 2013
    69
    Update I am the wicked witch

    So my mum has finally been moved to the hospital she was originally meant to go to after 3 1/2 weeks waiting for a bed to become available. I went up to see her today having giving her time to settle in. She told me very coldly that she did not want to see me as I am the reason why she is in hospital and can't leave.. "Just go, just go - you're getting on my nerves." The lady there told me not to take it personally or let it upset me but she was horrible. She had been fine to me in the previous hospital and so I left very saddened.
     
  20. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,326
    Yorkshire
    I am sorry to hear this and can imagine how awful this was for you. I hope she will 'come round' and be nicer in the future. But you know that you have done your best for her, and that this is not really your mother talking, but the illness.

    I hope you & your husband have the happiness & peace of mind that you deserve. xx
     

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