Dad is having trouble remembering/reconciling himself to the fact that it's been about 3 months since his driver's license was taken away from him.
Dad is 90, in good physical health but for his growing memory problems (there had been a few incidents of his becoming disoriented while out cruising the local Iowa countryside -- his normal way of enjoying living his days, visiting friends -- where the police had been called in late at night to help find him after he'd been wandering, whereabouts unknown, the entire day. He and Mom live in a very rural situation and have always been very dependent upon using their car, with no public transport possibilities nearer than 5 miles away. Luckily, Mom, who is 86, is remarkably healthy and alert, and so one member of the family still has her driver's license. Both Dad and Mom enjoy being connected to a large, rural community, but there are no family members nearby, and the lack of driving privileges is beginning to isolate Dad more and more from the activities he once enjoyed.
We live in a distant state, and though all of their (farming) neighbors love and care for Mom & Dad -- including them in as many activities as possible, still the situation may be becoming intolerable -- both for Dad and Mom. Dad always mentions to us (sometimes several times during the course of a conversation) that his license was taken away; yet Mom tells us she is reaching wit's end how to prevent Dad from jumping behind the wheel -- for his own and others' safety! (eg. another observed problem with Dad's driving -- though he feels his reaction times & skills are still perfectly fine -- was that on occasion he hadn't recognized that a heretofore 2-lane highway is now 4-lane divided, and he was driving down the wrong side. Admonishments from his doctor to only drive with a navigator -- Mom -- present, were not heeded; thus, the license was taken away.)
Which is where the situation stands right now, except that Mom has become -- at everyone's suggestion -- the keeper of the keys, so to speak -- so that Dad is prevented from (either willfully or forgetfully) just jumping in his truck, sometimes unbeknownst to Mom, and heading down the road to visit this or that friend or neighbor! They then "report" back to us that Dad was driving again; and we are not sure whether Dad doesn't remember that he is not supposed to drive, or whether he refuses to acknowledge the rule of law in the situation (since it seems to strike him as so unjust). Whatever, the upshot is the same -- he does not recognize that he is doing anything wrong; and he does seem to remember that Mom has the keys to the car. So now, apparently, the challenge has become.....to get the keys away from her so he can drive off -- no matter how much Mom reminds him of....the situation.
Of course, we are becoming increasingly concerned for Mom, because Dad has, (on only one occasion we have been told about, and, to our knowledge, never exhibited any violent tendencies), begun to resort to using physical force (arm-twisting) to try and wrestle the car keys from Mom, This will not stand. But we are very unsure how to proceed at this point -- how Mom wants to proceed.
We are heading out to Iowa tomorrow -- to put our heads together with Mom to try and figure out how this situation can be improved/changed/remedied.
We are wondering if anyone else has faced similar dilemmas? We acknowledge of lack of knowledge about the progression of Alzheimer's disease, and are just beginning to seek advice. We will be contacting their local senior center (which, we hope and suspect may provide a ready venue for socializing possibilities, as well as point the way for helpful local resources.) We are hoping they have a social worker on staff (or can direct us to an agency that could provide such guidance). We hope for ideas which would be helpful yet fall short of physically separating Mom and Dad.
Any ideas at all -- on how next we might best proceed on any and all of these dilemmas -- would be most welcomed. Thanks!
Dad is 90, in good physical health but for his growing memory problems (there had been a few incidents of his becoming disoriented while out cruising the local Iowa countryside -- his normal way of enjoying living his days, visiting friends -- where the police had been called in late at night to help find him after he'd been wandering, whereabouts unknown, the entire day. He and Mom live in a very rural situation and have always been very dependent upon using their car, with no public transport possibilities nearer than 5 miles away. Luckily, Mom, who is 86, is remarkably healthy and alert, and so one member of the family still has her driver's license. Both Dad and Mom enjoy being connected to a large, rural community, but there are no family members nearby, and the lack of driving privileges is beginning to isolate Dad more and more from the activities he once enjoyed.
We live in a distant state, and though all of their (farming) neighbors love and care for Mom & Dad -- including them in as many activities as possible, still the situation may be becoming intolerable -- both for Dad and Mom. Dad always mentions to us (sometimes several times during the course of a conversation) that his license was taken away; yet Mom tells us she is reaching wit's end how to prevent Dad from jumping behind the wheel -- for his own and others' safety! (eg. another observed problem with Dad's driving -- though he feels his reaction times & skills are still perfectly fine -- was that on occasion he hadn't recognized that a heretofore 2-lane highway is now 4-lane divided, and he was driving down the wrong side. Admonishments from his doctor to only drive with a navigator -- Mom -- present, were not heeded; thus, the license was taken away.)
Which is where the situation stands right now, except that Mom has become -- at everyone's suggestion -- the keeper of the keys, so to speak -- so that Dad is prevented from (either willfully or forgetfully) just jumping in his truck, sometimes unbeknownst to Mom, and heading down the road to visit this or that friend or neighbor! They then "report" back to us that Dad was driving again; and we are not sure whether Dad doesn't remember that he is not supposed to drive, or whether he refuses to acknowledge the rule of law in the situation (since it seems to strike him as so unjust). Whatever, the upshot is the same -- he does not recognize that he is doing anything wrong; and he does seem to remember that Mom has the keys to the car. So now, apparently, the challenge has become.....to get the keys away from her so he can drive off -- no matter how much Mom reminds him of....the situation.
Of course, we are becoming increasingly concerned for Mom, because Dad has, (on only one occasion we have been told about, and, to our knowledge, never exhibited any violent tendencies), begun to resort to using physical force (arm-twisting) to try and wrestle the car keys from Mom, This will not stand. But we are very unsure how to proceed at this point -- how Mom wants to proceed.
We are heading out to Iowa tomorrow -- to put our heads together with Mom to try and figure out how this situation can be improved/changed/remedied.
We are wondering if anyone else has faced similar dilemmas? We acknowledge of lack of knowledge about the progression of Alzheimer's disease, and are just beginning to seek advice. We will be contacting their local senior center (which, we hope and suspect may provide a ready venue for socializing possibilities, as well as point the way for helpful local resources.) We are hoping they have a social worker on staff (or can direct us to an agency that could provide such guidance). We hope for ideas which would be helpful yet fall short of physically separating Mom and Dad.
Any ideas at all -- on how next we might best proceed on any and all of these dilemmas -- would be most welcomed. Thanks!
) he gets used to not having it around.....
