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Help and advice required


Registered User
Jan 14, 2016
My mother has dementia, we have always had a very close relationship.
My sister did not have a good relationship with my mother until she obtained POA
Myself and siblings have P.O.A for finance only.
My sister and boyfriend have been awful to us blackmailing us, recording us, sending treating messages, police have issued an harnesment warning notice.
The problem is they have moved themselves into my mothers home and are using her bank accounts to pay for almost everything.

The last time we visited they physically attacked us but as there were no independent witnesses it couldn't be pursued.

SS have been involved over the years as my sister has refused to communicate and has refused mediation.

My sister is now telling SS we are not allowed to visit my mother in her own home? But that my mother can be dropped off at a coffee shop where we can see her.
We drive 8 hours there and Back to visit my mother and have little precious time with her as it is, but is it right to expect my 86 year old mother to walk the streets and she has extremely poor mobility.

please help we don't know where to turn. Thank you
Ps Blue Socks wrote something very simulator in 2014 and it was nearly identical to the problems we are facing.


Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
I am sorry you are having such an awful time and I'm sure you are worried for your mother being with someone as unscrupulous and unkind as your sister appears to be.

As you have PoA for finance you have a legal obligation to ensure that your mother's money is not being misused. I would suggest you seek help from a solicitor or you could find yourselves in a difficult situation.

Regarding your mother's welfare if you think she is being mistreated I would phone social services adult care duty desk and report the situation as potential abuse of an elderly lady and ask them to investigate. Explain your sister's temper and that you are worried about your mother's mental health and welfare and that you feel that she is at risk. I don't know if you have done this but they have a duty to investigate. I would add that to expect the only contact to be outside the home is rather worrying - they could be doing anything.

Can you ask for the Police to accompany you on a visit because you are concerned about your Mother's welfare and you are not being given access.

Others will have more direct experience but you must be frantic. Keep posting