Help and advice please

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by NaomiL, Sep 11, 2015.

  1. NaomiL

    NaomiL Registered User

    Sep 11, 2015
    2
    Hi I am looking for advice to help a friend and colleague.

    She works with me as a teacher and loves with her mum who has dementia. She is in her 40s and single, she lives for her job and is always first in last out. She has told me at length what living with her mum is like and how guilty she feels for leaving her at home all day - her mum is not eating properly and has complained of being lonely.

    I was wanting to know what routes my friend might be able to take to get support at home even if it's just someone to call in once a day. My friend doesn't ask for help and takes everything on herself I just want to know if there's any agencies I can put her in touch with so she knows she's not got to do this all by herself.

    Thanks in advance

    Naomi
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,661
    Salford
    Hi Naomi, welcome to TP
    It's nice of you to look out for your friend like this, thank-you for doing that.
    She could contact the local social services and ask for an assessment, essentially they'll send someone round to interview the mother (and anyone else close to her).
    They'll them tell her what they think will best fulfil her needs, it may be they say they'll do nothing they may say she needs 1, 2 or more visits a day, without knowing the whole situation it's not possible to guess so you really need to get an assessment done and see what she's entitled to. This may (depending on her and her alone) financial situation, you're friend's finances are not up for assessment and should not be discussed.
    The other option is your friend could go to a private cares agency and pay for the visits herself, depending on where you are (rural is difficult, in cities it's much easier) and pay someone to visit. Rates vary but £15 to £30 an hour is a ballpark figure.
    If you give an idea of location you may get some local recommendations but that's up to you don't say anything you don't want to. (ends a sentence with a preposition, sorry teach:) ).
    I suspect that the SS would view the situation quite benevolently given she's a teacher and is trying to cope alone but in the age of cuts maybe not.
    An SS assessment would be my first port of call as you can at the end of the day ignore it if you like and still do your own thing.
    To find out how to get an assessment google the name of your local council followed by "adult services" you should be able to find it on there.
    K
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,481
    Female
    London
    #3 Beate, Sep 11, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2015
    Hi Naomi! You're a good friend for being so concerned! You've come to the right place.

    Your friend needs to contact Adult Social Services and ask for both a needs assessment for her mother and a carers assessment for herself. Her right to one is enshrined in law. She needs to tell them that her mother is a vulnerable adult at risk and that they have duty of care. They should assess her needs and tell her what's on offer. That could be a day care centre (ideal for social stimulation and a hot meal) and/or sitting service through someone like Age UK, memory devices and trackers through telecare, grabrails etc through an occupational therapist and of course respite. Any costs are dependent on the borough and can vary according to where she lives, but all financial assessments will be done on her mother's money only, not your friend's. If the mother has assets over £23,250 she will be considered self-funding and can technically organise a lot of the care herself, but it's still advisable to get the council's input to see what's available.

    When I was still working, Social Services organised a lot of day care plus sitters to be with him between me leaving for work and his transport bus arriving, so he was basically never alone.

    Your friend would also benefit from getting in touch with the Alzheimer's Society and the Carers Centre both for practical and emotional support. These guys are very good in helping to fill forms in and there's a few she should fill in like Power of Attorney and Attendance Allowance for her mother. It's needs-based and not means-tested, and her mother can get council tax exemption on the back of that. The Alzheimer's Society also has social functions like Singing for the Brain which her mother might enjoy.

    To sum it up, there is a lot of help out there but she'll have to ask for it. There is no shame in asking others for support, in fact it's the only way to avoid carers breakdown. She has the right to a life of her own. If she wants more info or just to offload, she is always welcome here - we know what it's like.
     
  4. NaomiL

    NaomiL Registered User

    Sep 11, 2015
    2
    Thank you so much for your replies it is very hard to know where to start to help and I am a practical person so like to offer practical advice! She is quite proud and also she lost her father a few years ago which she blames herself for but I think if I go to her with some steps she can take she can see it as a positive step not a failure. Thanks again I will also put her on to this forum I think that will help too x
     
  5. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,661
    Salford
    If everyone had a friend like you the world would be a better place:)
    K
     
  6. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Seconded! :)
     

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