help and advice please

[Wenchy]

My dad has just be diagnoised with early stages of Alzheimers, he is only 65. My problem is that we are a very small family with just myself and my uncle able to look out for him. he lives 200 miles away from me and my uncle lives 1 hours drive away from him. Neither my uncle or my father want him to move closer to me so that I can start to keep an eye on things, he wants to stay where he is, but I cant keep an eye on such things as his condition, his heigeine, bills etc. I appreciate I need to give him space and let him have independance but I am really worried that something may happen and I will not be there!. He does travel to me by train several times a year but other than that we communicate by phone. The other issue I have which I can not get my head around is the power of attourny - I am struggling to talk to him about it as I really dont want him to think I am only trying to get my hands on his money! Has anyone else had this problem and what did you do.

 

[stanleypj]

Hi Wenchy and welcome to TP,

As you may be aware, yours is a common problem, but nonetheless stressful for that.

I'm sure that other members in this situation will be along soon with helpful suggestions.

In the meantime, you might wish to post a little bit more about his condition so that people have a clearer idea, e.g. it seems that he can travel independently by train - which is useful - but I expect that there are plenty of other things that he finds difficult and others may have found ways to help with these.

Take care

 

[FifiMo]

First of all, don't panic. If I were you, there are a number of things I would plan...

I would go for a weekend visit so you can observe the areas that he might be needing some help with.

You cannot do everything so if you notice areas where you think he needs some help then contact social services for his area and ask them for a needs assessment. They should then put in place any care package he might need.

Getting him to give you LPA for finance and LPA for health and welfare are important but you would not be the first one to not manage to get it done. One way is to ask dad who he wants to help him with money when he needs this. The LPA is an insurance for the future that when needed you are the one he wants to get help from. You can point out to him that if he doesn't sort this now then the local council can step in and be the ones to do it. If he is worried about you absconding with his money then you can tell him that that cannot happen as you have to provide reports to the courts to show you are doing things correctly. You can tell him too that the LPAs would allow you and him to work together to ensure that he is able to stay where he is for as long as possible.

Is he already having problems with finances? If so, then firstly consider diverting his mail to yours. Get him to sign a form for the bank asking for online banking to be set up. The reason for diverting the mail is because they will send the password to his address and you need to get it before he throws it away. In addition, you want to see a whole cycle of one or two months for the bills he has coming in, what his bank statements say, etc. then I would set up online banking on your computer so you can manage his bills for him. Lots of us have had to go down this road, particularly when an LPA hasn't been forthcoming.

On your visit down there, if you dad has friends or good neighbours then give them your contact details. You can also give your contact details to the local police station in case your dad encounters them at some point. As there is no immediate family in the area then consider putting a key safe in so that if there is an emergency then emergency services can access the keys and let themselves in.

Hope this helps,

Fiona

 

[Wenchy]

Thank you both. He has early stages where with the main symptoms at the moment being forggeting words so struggling to have conversations. He is still very independant travelling all over the country by train. By the looks of it we have found out about it early so I expect other conditions will be to follow. I have visited all seems ok with the house and bills etc he did have 9 boxs of tea bags and 16 boxs of different cereals which I thought was strange. I know that his condition will deteriate and thats where im worried about him and his living. What if something Is happening and I dont know about it too put it right. I think I will get hold of the social worker to have a chat to see if they can help me to understand and put a plan in place for his safety and my peace of mind. As for neighbours by father is a very private man. He doesnt talk about his neighbours/friends so I dont think he has many that I can ask!

Sent from my GT-I8190N using Talking Point mobile app

 

[FifiMo]

The tea bag and cereal thing is quite common. As the memory and the ability to organise and plan gets affected then shopping can become more difficult. So what if he has so many tea bags...the difficulty comes when things are forgotten and go past their sell by date but they don't notice. If your uncle visits too it might be worth getting him to have a sneaky peek in the fridge to make sure there is nothing there which would make him I'll if he ate it. My mother had 2turkeys and 9 pavlovas in her freezer one Christmas. We couldn't eat any of it because we didn't know if the stuff had been allowed to defrost then frozen again. So, mindful of upsetting her, we had to go buy 2 fresh turkeys and cook them and bin the food she had accumulated LOL.

For peace of mind, maybe you could get a telecare system installed (about £12 per month) while your dad is able to learn how to use it. Anything goes wrong he can press the bracelet or pendant and immediate help is there. You can be the point of contact if there are any incidents. Might suit your dad as it is there in the background. Nothing to do but is there for that emergency. As time goes on additional things can be added to the system, eg smoke detectors, door alarms in case he wanders at night, that sort of thing.

It is great that he is travelling around by train but if he has communication problems then it might be wise for you to print off a card that says his name, that he has dementia and your mobile nr so you can be contacted. Put one in his wallet too as that is the first place they look. Another thing that can work for him is to get one of those charity bracelets like help for heros and a permanent marker and put your mobile phone number on the inside of it. Get him used to knowing it is there. You might think some of these things are not needed by him yet but the biggest problem we have is that by the time he needs them he no longer has the ability to learn to use them and so they are of little use. The other thing is the biggest challenge with dementia and that is we never know what tomorrow might bring. Today he is using the train and is fine travelling from John o'groats to Lands end. Tomorrow he becomes a little confused and gets off the train at some unknown station ...

Fiona

 

[Loudsoprano]

Medication

Make sure your father has the right medication. I have found the anxiety and depression my husband was experiencing has greatly reduced with a combination of donepezil and a tricyclical antidepressant and although he is getting a bit muddled now the benefits have been obvious for over one and a half years.

 

[Loudsoprano]

Medication

Make sure your father has the right medication. I have found the anxiety and depression my husband was experiencing has greatly reduced with a combination of donepezil and a tricyclical antidepressant and although he is getting a bit muddled now the benefits have been obvious for over one and a half years.