Hello Ironmaiden, I wish you well for 2006
I'm sorry you are going through such tough times right now, but don't see all the 'bad' things without seeing what you have achieved so far. Congratulations for getting your funding sorted out! That can be a nightmare, but you have achieved it in double quick time and that's really something! Your Dad is in a safe place (although he may not realise he needs it) and is getting the medical care he needs, and is obviously recovering somewhat from his stroke.
With regard to you worrying about him "asking to go home", try not to upset yourselves if that happens. Alzheimers patients often ask to "go home" even when they are IN their own home, what they often
seem to mean is they want to go back to their
childhood home, perhaps because everything made sense to them back then, whereas now they feel confused.
As regards your visit to the care home,
please do make another appointment and try again.
Just for a moment, try to put yourself in that Matron's shoes.
She has 20 or 30 residents, at various stages of mental disturbance. It's Christmas time, so she has all their relatives ringing up or coming in, trying to sort out THEIR christmas wishes and arrangements. She's short-staffed, because just like everyone else her staff want some time off for THEIR Christmas shopping and preparations, but she's doing the best she can. Maybe she even had an emergency situation to deal with (if it was YOUR Dad
who had fallen out of bed, or gone missing, you would have expected her to give
him priority wouldn't you, not healthy visitors.) And she would probably not feel it correct to discuss the nature of the situation with someone who she had just met for the first time.
Please don't think I'm unsympathetic to your hurt feelings and the disappointment, but things just don't always work out on the 1st attempt. You have obviously been well brought up, and expect to be treated with the courtesy which you undoubtedly give to others but, with AD, it often happens that some of the 'rules' and social niceties have to be put on one side, in order to deal with VERY non-standard things that happen as a result of the disease. And that's something to remember too - this whole horrible scenario is THE RESULT OF THE DISEASE, not anyone's fault. It's unpredictable, and horrible, but we just to have to hang in there and do our best. And that, for you, may include dealing with disappointment, and picking up the phone to make another appointment, without being too critical - just say you realise that you happened to come before at a time when they were obviously very busy, and could you try again.
My very best wishes to you both - be strong, and try to be patient when things don't 'fall into place' on the first attempt.
