1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    ironmaden

    my dad has dementia has had it for about 3 monthes we were told it does not happen to quick once they got it but my dads is going really quick can any one help my dad as also got a really bad heart so it does not help that he is allways up walking about
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Moved your message

    Hello Ironmaden

    I moved your message here so it would be separate from the other messages.

    I believe you will receive more replies this way.

    You said:
    While your Dad may have been diagnosed with dementia for 3 months it doesn't just appear one day when a person wakes up. So he will have had it developing for quite some time. It takes a while to reach the stage where it can be seen.

    The development of dementia - speed and symptoms - will depend on the type of dementia.

    Can you tell us a bit more?

    - who has diagnosed it? I assume his GP has referred him to a specialist?

    - have any steps been decided as to medication, etc?

    Don't worry about his always walking - that is one of the things that can happen. But the doctors should be working on the best thing to do with the combination of dementia and heart problems.

    Feel free to post your concerns on here, any time!
     
  3. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    ironmaden

    thank you for the reply me and my sister are at are wits end my dad is 87 he went in to hospital 3 monthes ago was in for about a week and started to act funny we were told he would be fine once he got home but the man that went into the hospital never came out so we called on the mental health and someone came out done a test and said yes he has it early stage and that was that in the last 2 monthes he has gone from askin what day it is about 18 times a day to putting 2 layers of clothes on not watching any tv wich he loved and going to bed any time of day any time we ring mental health they allways say we will put him in a home we dont want to do that he does not sleep hardly at all by night but was told that no sleeping tablets will help it seems to be a taboo subject with the doctor so dont get any help from there when me and my sister sit and think about it we can see that my dad has been going slowly for about 2 years
     
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hello Ironmaden

    Did your Dad live with you before he went into hospital?

    Very often, it happens that an illness causes someone to have to be admitted to hospital, and the fact they are in a strange place can escalate the condition.

    But it can also bring to everyone's notice that there has been a problem for a while, but that no-one had been with the person 24 hours a day to notice its development.

    all these things are quite normal for someone with dementia.

    There are many things to take account of here. For instance, Dad has been putting on 2 layers of clothes, etc. If there were sleeping pills around, he might get hold of them and take the lot. Not wishing to do himself harm, but just not realising what he is doing.


    I don't know what is the situation with you and your sister - are you looking after him all the time?

    If so, you need to ask for help.

    Don't completely rule out a care home - there are many really good ones around that cope much better with residents who have dementia than we can ever do at home.

    But there will also be options to help you care for him at home.

    I leave it to others on talking Point to suggest the best route, as the route I had to take for my wife was kind of forced on us, and wouldn't be helpful to you.
     
  5. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Iron maiden
    if you do not wish your father to go into a home,at this time,you need assistance at home.
    Did you mean that the subject of Dementia is taboo to the Dr?
    To start the care at home you need to talk to the Dr tell him you need help,he should refer you to Social services and health.
    They will visit and put together a care package for your Dad and for the careres.
    Have a look at fact sheet at http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/Caring...ntial_and_nursing_care/info_choicesincare.htm.
    This will give you a clearer picture.
    Pot when you need
    Norman
     
  6. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    thankyou norman

    you have been a great help because we have been told nothing my dad was dieignosed in hospital and they said there was a lot of help when he came home but when he came home there was no help that was 3 monthes ago and we still do not have any help
     
  7. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    my dad have a thing about closed doors if his bedroom door is closed he rings up and says he is locked in and dont know where he is he still lives at home does anyone elts have this problem allso he has a thing about shaving one time he would be shaving 3 or 4 times a night now you have to really perswade him to shave he loved his garden and green house but now he dont even now that they exzist wich is a good thing really because he is veary unstable on his legs and as soon as your back is turned he would be out there my dad has a thing about the toilet and the chane when he starts his wondering he is in and out the toilet every 5 minutes but only at night he flush the toilet then sit on the toilet then get up flush the toilet turn the light off then flush the toilet again this goes on for about 4 hours every night has anyone got the same problem
     
  8. cynron

    cynron Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    429
    east sussex
    Shaving

    My husband also shaves several times a day. when he has to sit on the toilet he persists on taking all his clothes off and so we have a struggle to get him dressed again,
    Nothing is simple i say another day in paradise.

    love to all you carers out there Cynron. :eek:
     
  9. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
     
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi ironmaden

    yes it does happen with dementia.

    The people lose spatial awareness and also sight can be affected. Often you can see this through the way they walk, shuffling along slowly.

    If he lives alone, the best you can do is to move any hard objects out, in case he fell against them. However this would then mean he would fall on the floor.

    If he is falling regularly, or there is a chance he could fall at any time, then this is the time you need to look at your options for the future.

    it can and it does happen in care homes.

    But the difference is that in a care home, there should always be someone there at the time of the fall and assistance, medical or otherwise, is available at once.

    I don't think the doctor themselves can do that, but they might be able to make recommendations to Social Services about that. I'd assume they would talk to family first.
     
  11. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    Hi ironmaden,

    I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, all the behaviours you mention are very common in people with dementia.

    You say that you and your sister have sat and thought about your "dad has been going slowly for about 2 years". Have you also sat and discussed about what should happen now? Some plans need to be formulated with regard to your Dad's care, even if it turns out to be not exactly what you would like or expected.

    "any time we ring mental health they allways say we will put him in a home ". This may not be meant unkindly, there are alternatives, but unless you push for them, it's fairly obvious that your Dad is at risk while at home on his own and I guess they want to ensure he has 24 hour care. Next time you speak to them, perhaps you could ask about alternatives, what's on offer and where to get the help.

    As Norman says: "if you do not wish your father to go into a home,at this time,you need assistance at home."

    "they said there was a lot of help when he came home but when he came home there was no help that was 3 monthes ago and we still do not have any help"
    . The help is there but, unfortunatley, until your sister and yourself have decided what would best suit your Dad and yourselves, and then really start pushing to obtain it, no one will actually just do everything for you.

    "today my dad has fullen over 3 times" - what happens if your Dad is on his own when this happens? When someone is in a Home, there is someone on hand with assistance. Being in a Home is not necessarily a bad thing. I used to have the opinion that I'd never want to see my parents in a Home. My Dad is now in a very good one and my Mum visits him so often that she practically lives there too! It's has become their 'home' and I have the peace of mind that Dad is being very well looked after.

    Whatever you decide, I'd urge you to start some kind of action plan to find help for your Dad asap.

    Best wishes and let us know how you get on,
     
  12. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    thankyou veary much for all your replys they are veary helpfull my dad is not left on his own at all but it seams like every time your back is turned is when it happens we are going to get dad assesed again then push for help me and my sister are to soft and dont speak out enough we did have people come in inthe morning to get dad out of bed but they were turning up at 11 30 witch was really to late so we had to stop that but i herd there is people that will call in inthe day time just to give him a cup of tea so i could just nip to the shop but we will just have to push to get help like you said thanks again
     
  13. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    bladder not working right

    my dad has had dementia for 5 months now in this last 2 weeks he has started wetting himself sometimes he is going to the toilet about 8 times in half an hour then other times he is just sitting down and wetting himself is this part of dementia and do they put cathaters into people who are like this he is still at home living at the moment but is getting a real hand full i would be veary greatfull for any advice thank you
     
  14. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Re bladder problems, firstly do you have a social worker or CPN.? They will be able to put you in touch with the 'incontinence' nurse. Or even your GP could do this.

    There is all sorts of help available, from full catheters, to Conven catheters and of course, pads. Do try for professionel advice. Regards, Connie
     
  15. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    #15 Lynne, Nov 30, 2005
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2005
    Hi Ironmaiden,
    I read your message (and the ones from last month) with such sadness, because you seem to have very little support locally (meaning your doctor, or social services). You said that you & your sister "are too soft". It is difficult, if you are gentle people, to assert yourself and make a nuisance of yourself so that the 'professionals' will pay attention to you, and your Dad's increasing need for support. However, you must try to do so.

    No one is going to go round knocking on doors, just in case the family inside need help; you have to tell them, Loud & Clear, and sometimes several times. Enlist the help of your Vicar/Minister/Priest, make sure any other relatives of your Dad's know that he is ill and ask them to visit, friends too. Illness isn't something you have to be ashamed of. And if your doctor isn't helpful to you, ask for your Dad to be referred to a specialist, or even threaten to change your doctor for someone who will listen to you.

    Obviously you have access to a computer, so look up your local Alzheimer's Society contact number, and get in touch with them.
    West Cornwall and Isles of Scilly
    Telephone 01872 560148
    Website www.alzheimers.org.uk/WestCornwall&IslesofScilly

    Taunton and West Somerset
    Contact 01984 667430
    Website http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/Taunton&WestSomerset

    They will know what help and services are available in your area, and may be able to offer some moral support in pushing for practical help with Social Services - and that doesn't automatically mean "putting him in a home for you", although that will be one of the possibilities which will be discussed.

    Best Wishes, and keep us posted.
     
  16. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    thank you veary much for your help it have taken a lot of weight from my shoulders tomorrow i will get in touch with social services thank you again
     
  17. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    Dads Not Well

    Last Week My Dad Had A Stroke And Was Admitied To Hospital Scence He Has Been In His Dimentia Is Really Gone Veary Bad I Know Hospitals Can Do This And A Home Was Allways Out Of The Question As Far As Me And My Sister Were Concerned We Really Belived We Could Cope With Him At Home No Matter What He Was Like But This Last Week Have Opend Are Eyes We Can Now See After Every Thing We Have Done For Dad It Is Not Enough To Keep Him Safe From All His Falls And He Does Need Someone With Him 24-7 And As Much As We Love Him We Just Cannot Do It So After A Lot Of Thought And Buckets Of Tears We Are Going To Have Him Put In A Care Home I Dont Know How He Will Cope With It Or How We Will Cope But We Can Only Try . In The Long Run We Are Just Praying That He Dont Now Were He Is So He Wont Aske To Come Home Because That Will Be So Upsetting . In The Hospital He Sleeps Allday And Stay Awake All Night So When We Visit Every Day He Dont See Us Because He Is Sleeping And That Is Upsetting For Us But With A Bit Of Luck Every Thing Will Workout Fine Just Keeping Are Finngers Crossed :(
     
  18. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hello IronMaiden

    I'm sorry to learn that a decision about your Dad's care has been forced on you by circumstances, and naturally understand that you are upset & worried about him living away from home. However, from what you have told us it seemed that the situation was getting past what you and your sister could deal with. That is a hard thing to accept (as so many others writing in here have said) but with this disease it does so often become inevitable, sooner or later.

    He may get a little bit better than he has been lately (before the stroke, I mean) as the regular medical care & monitoring of his condition - and perhaps some appropriate medication - might stabilise him for a while. That medical & nursing care is something none of us untrained family carers can provide, so please don't feel guilty that you can't do everything. It's time for the professionals to step in, and we must all accept that eventually.

    With regard to you worrying about him "asking to go home", try not to upset yourselves if that happens. Alzheimers patients often ask to "go home" even when they are IN their own home, what they seem to mean is they want to go back to their childhood home, perhaps because everything made sense to them back then, whereas now they feel confused.

    Please let us know how things go, this Talking Point is like a friends meeting place and we do care what happens, and how you are feeling about it.

    Best wishes
     
  19. ironmaden

    ironmaden Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    22
    cornwall
    #19 ironmaden, Dec 26, 2005
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2005
    christmas

    we have just got over the worst christmas ever dad is still in hospital and all his strengh seams to be going on christmas day he was quite well wich we did not want we were hopping that he would not be asking to come home but he was having a good day and wanted to come home it was so heart breaking .we have put off looking for care homes untill after christmas we have our funding all sorted but the homes we have looked at are really bad so we may have to go miles away from were we live to get a good home the one we were hoping for him to goin to was a real let down we made an appointment for 930 one morning and when we turned up the matron said what a terrible time to come i will show you around veary quick and in 7 minutes we were in and out we felt let down and this have put us off looking at homes are all matrons in homes so abrupt and with no feelings and to think that my dad might be with someone like this person have made us worse about a home than we were in the begining.now that our funding is all sorted it is a funding from nhs care so do you think that they could pay for help at home instead of him going any were like someone coming in 8 hours a day im sure this would be cheaper than a care home have not heard of it but it is worth asking u thanks toall who reads this
     
  20. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    Hi ironmaden,

    I'm sorry to hear about your Christmas. I cannot comment about the funding of care at home but wanted to say that it might be worth trying another visit to the home that you visited, if it was clean and presentable. The matron may have been having a bad day, (unfortunately it does happen even in the most efficently run homes) and it would be a shame to judge the place on the very quick tour.

    You could phone the home and ask for another appointment, explaining that you would like to come back because you were a little unhappy about the last visit. I'm sure if you told them the reasons you have stated here, a half-way decent home will be only too willing to have you back when they are able to take more time over the visit.

    If you are definitely put-off by this particular home then I would advise not ruling out visits to others. When we were shown over my Dad's Home we were lucky enough to have a carer who took the time to talk with us and listen to all our concerns, and it really does help.

    Best wishes,
     

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