Just thought I would post and introduce myself as I have just registered. I would appreciate any help/comments regarding my mum's situation but, from reading other posts on here I realise that everybody is going through the same thing. My mum is 82. In Juy 05 she suffered a 'mini' stroke. Of course, she wouldn't accept that she had had a stroke and still says that she didn't (the hospital being a bit vague about whether she did or didn't didn't help either). We noticed that she got a little more forgetful and a little more confused after that. We accepted that some sort of 'senile' dementia had began to set in but hoped that she should continue her very full life and be taken eventually by something else (in the future) before much more degeneration in her mental health. She continued with her bowling, dancing, bridge, travelling (she loved a cruise) until she went on holiday in March 06. She went on holiday on her own with Saga (no problem, "always someone to pal up with"). I don't know what happened on that holiday. We do know that she had her purse stolen and that the hotel/holiday rep, were very good in cancelling everything and making sure she had enough money, but she did not want to talk a great deal about it. We suspect another stroke. By April, she began a preoccupation with her bowels movements, and the pain in her back from arthritis. This does exist but to her doctor the pain cannot be to the extent that she complains of. We spent last summer dealing with her going from doctor to pharmacist asking for help with her 'bum'. At one time, my sister and I removed a whole black refuse bag from her flat of prescribed medicines. Every time she went to the doctor, the same repeat prescription was given out of a dozen or so medicines to deal with pain, asthma, heart, constipation. We were alerted to this by the local pharmacist (one of the benefits of living in a village). Open packets of medication littered her flat; she must have been taken medication repeatedly all day! We called social services; we needed help. We knew that she couldn't live alone without support and needed to know what was available. I work full time. I don't work for 'pin' money, I am the main earner, so I couldn't take on the full time carer role. My sister was already the full time carer of her disabled husband and was unwell and awaiting a major operation (she later developed heart problems, not surprisingly). A very well intentioned, but totally deluded 'senior' social worker came to call. The ability to organise the proverbial 'P up in brewery' comes to mind', together with the lack thereof! She spoke direclty to mum, who by this time had developed a strange ability to appear 'normal' to everyone but ourselves, and would not speak to us about our concerns in private. We ended up with a team of 'carers' who were meant to come in three times a day to make sure that mum was fed and medication was taken. We suspected that carers were not visiting when they should and our suspicision were right. They turned up whenever they could find parking/their kids weren't ill/or their was an R in the month!! Medication littered the flat and the round trip from doctor to pharmacist continued. During this time, of course, we tried to deal with each problem through the respective 'consultant/specialist'. Bowel problems - no problem detected after an endoscopy, arthritis - yes, but in the area she is complaining of (the coxix (sp)), it doesn't cause that much pain, confusion/forgetfulness/mri scan - a diagnosis by the Community Mental Health Team in Hertfordshire of Vascular Dementia caused by the mini stroke. Okay, so now we know what we are dealing with. Mum has Vascular Dementia; we read all the books, get all the info (a family member is a psychiatric nurse), we are now experts, and take matters into our own hands. We find a nice Freemantle Retirement Home roughly evenly spaced between myself and my sister (at a cost of £650 per week!!) Wont it be nice. Near enough for sister to drop in, near enough to me to call in on my way from the different offices I have to visit. We can still spend every Sunday with her (we have alternatively since Dad died 17 years ago), she will love the company and be well looked after - not!! Mum has just not settled at the home. She is more and more confused and even more distressed. I called in to see her this afternoon. She hates it there. She wants to dance, shop, play bridge, travel, etc. etc. Only she isn't capable of it any more. She constantly grizzles and says she wants to die and will even kill herself if she doesn't move somewhere else. She talks of a place where she briefly attended a day centre (which was part of a retirement home), only she forgets that she only went a couple of times and that they refused to take her any more because of her trying to get out of the building because she hated being there. Tomorrow we have an assessment meeting with the washout social worker, the CPN, the keyworker at the home, me, sister, the home manager and I just don't know what to do/suggest/insist on to make matter any better. Any suggestions? Cor, how I have rambled. If you have got this far, thanks for reading, it was good to get it off my chest!!