I have just got back to London, where I live and work, from Yorkshire, where my parents live. My Mum is 64, Dad is 69 and Mum has had AD since she was about 58. I spent the week with her last week and it was really traumatic. I decided to log on here as a friend suggested it might talk to someone who understands. My Mum and I were very close and even though I live in London, and have done for 11 years, I go home every 3 weeks. Coping with her illness and diagnosis was awful to begin with as my Grandad had dementia so we knew what was ahead. Mum just cried all the time and couldn't explain what she was feeling. Up until recently she has been much calmer, just very confused and repeating herself and gradually deteriorating, but over the last year has developed a problem going to the toilet. She goes on average every 5 minutes. This is causing so much stress for my Dad, who is her carer. I took the week off to care for her to give him a break and it was overwhelming. She was putting her hands down the toilet and taking out what was in it and leaving it either in the bin or in the sink. To keep going with her every 5 mins was exhausting. Dad doesn't do this but I wanted to see whether she was actually going or not, most times not.
The vision I can't get out of my head is my Mum crying after I had shouted at her not to put her hands in the toilet as I was wiping her, which she doesn't seem to do very well. It is haunting me. I know that she probably won't even remember but every time I think of it I want to cry.
I have a very busy and interesting job but no partner or children and I sometimes wonder if I should give it up and go back to live nearer Mum and Dad. I love my life here and do try to help as much as I can by going back weekends and holidays but am torn between wanting to help and having my life. I have always been relied on by my family and this feels very claustrophic at the moment but I feel very guilty also.
It really helped to just get this out!
C
The vision I can't get out of my head is my Mum crying after I had shouted at her not to put her hands in the toilet as I was wiping her, which she doesn't seem to do very well. It is haunting me. I know that she probably won't even remember but every time I think of it I want to cry.
I have a very busy and interesting job but no partner or children and I sometimes wonder if I should give it up and go back to live nearer Mum and Dad. I love my life here and do try to help as much as I can by going back weekends and holidays but am torn between wanting to help and having my life. I have always been relied on by my family and this feels very claustrophic at the moment but I feel very guilty also.
It really helped to just get this out!
C