Hello

[sheilarees53]

I've spent some time reading other people's stories and have decided to tell mine.
My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers in October last year. In November she collapsed at home and was admitted to hospital where she stayed until February this year. As she was unable to look after herself my brothers and I found a residential home for her. She was only there for 6 days when she had a fall, badly cutting her face. She was again admitted to hospital with a severe chest infection and the bruises from the fall. She almost died, but eventually pulled through. Her dementia has become so much worse to the point where she is almost bedridden and cannot do anything for herself anymore. We are now looking for a nursing home for her.
She has changed so much in such a short space of time. She is almost like a child in her speech and the way she behaves. She wants me with her all the time and cries so much. She is so unhappy and tells me often that she wants to die. I often just sit and hold her hand and cry with her, for the person she used to be and the person she has now become.
I have this big guilt trip that I cannot look after her and I know that going into a home is the last thing she wants (my Dad died in a home 6 years ago and Mum always said she didn't want to end up in one). I feel I am letting her down.
I have three brothers, one hasn't been in touch for over three years and has no idea what has happened to Mum. One visits quite often and the other visits when he can fit Mum in around whatever else he is doing. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with all the changes dementia brings.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It helps knowing that there are others going through the same awful experiences.
Take care Sheila xxx

 

[Amy]

Hiya Sheila,
What a terrible few months you have been having. Guilt is inevitable I am afraid; you know that you cannot give your mum the care that she requires, you are doing the best thing for her ensuring that she is safe and cared for, but still you feel you are letting her down. I think that the speed of the change for you must make it difficult to accept. Hang in there. You are doing what is right for your mum. You are not alone in the feelings that you are having, many people on here will identify with what you are saying.
Take care,
Amy

 

[shughesnerys]

Hi Sheila, just wanted to say well done for writing what has been happening to you and your mum. My mother is going through exactly the same with my grandmother and she cries most days about the changes that have taken place. I try to comfort her, but unless I am there living it, I cannot possibly understand exactly what she is going through.

You are doing exactly what is right and what you can for your mother, however, guilt it appears is inevitable in these situations. I think this site will really help you, as there is so much support.

All prayers and good wishes,

Sarah

 

[Kathleen]

Hello Sheila

I am so sorry you and your family have had a dreadful time for the last few months. You obviously love your mother very much.

My Mum has AD too, but hers has progressed slowly over the last 6 years. She is in a home now and, like your Mum said she never wanted that, but now she needs to be where she is for her sake, there is no alternative for us for many reasons.

Her own father had AD too and she always said if she got it she would "throw herself under a bus." Yet, when given the diagnosis, she accepted that, as she has the residential care, she has no memory of being anywhere else, thankfully.

You need to have the best care for your Mum and if that is in a residential home, that's fine, please don't feel you are letting her down, she will be getting care 24/7 and you can visit her as often as you can, hopefully, with more rest, you will be able to cope better too.


Thinking of you both, look after yourself,

Kathleen