1. MichelleE

    MichelleE Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    14
    Bedford UK
    Hi everyone,
    Just joined the forum. Mum has been diadnosed with dementure about a year a go. recently thigs have been getting worse. I am the sole carer and 2 months ago it all got too much for me and my GP gave me two weeks off work with stress and I ran away for a week. When I got back feeling real guilty. I contacted social services. I now have carers coming in twice a day to check on mum and the Society have been great and now someone from the local office is calling in twice a week to befiend mum.
    Two weeks ago I had a evening out, the first in a year. I was so worried about not getting back too late that I forgot to watch my spped and got flashed by a speed camera. I get home from work today to find that I'm being reported for doing 44 in a 30 MPH area. This has just finished off a **** day as this morning mum took a taxi to the bank and tried to cancel her debit card. Luckily I called her and she told me what she had done. I was able to spend two hours on the phone calling all the branches she might have been to and find out what had happened. It appears that the bank didn't beleive her and havent actioned her request. I might add that I have power of attorney and I keep her card as she has used it to buy things from the satalitte shopping channels.
    This is the first time she has done something like this and it has scared me silly.
    Then I read through the postings her and find that there are people who have it worse than me, so now I feel like a whinging idiot.
    I'm talking to our GP on Wednesday I'm hoping that he will beleive me and maybe give mum something for the anxiety and depression she is feeling. I don't want to 'dope' her up but I'm not sure if I can take anymore tears before work, tears on the phone at work and then tears when I get home. And don't even talk to me about the repeating questions. :mad:
    Sorry I have gone on I just need to unload.
    Mish
     
  2. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Mish and welcome to TP. My Mum kept going in and arranging to speak to someone about her financial arrangements. Then ringing me to tell me, then ringing me to make me cancel it etc, so I do feel for you. I had POA at the time but not registered to EPA. I had to get quite stroppy before they would add a note to her file which did the trick, perhaps they could do that for your Mum too? It used to pop up in red on the screen after that I noticed, which alerted them. Don't for a minute worry about having a mutter on here, we all do, thats what makes it so useful! We can get it off our chests, get some back up and maybe even a funny joke or something to help us along a bit. Keep posting! Love She. XX
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear mish, now take a deep breath!........Ahh..... so now onto tomorrow. You are never going to be able to put everything in place.
    You can only do what you are able to do........Its a fact...........so work around what is left.

    Seriously, do only what you are able......what is the worst that can happen?

    Life will go on whatever you contribute to it. Take care of yourself, Connie
     
  4. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Mish

    you're not a 'whinging idiot' - you're human that's all. get as much help /support as you can so that you get some breaks. It's really really hard coping with demntia in a loved one, whatever stage they're at.

    Blue sea
     
  5. MichelleE

    MichelleE Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    14
    Bedford UK
    Thanks

    Hi all and thanks for your replies. I was realy at a low ebb when I last posted. Connie your reply reminded me of an exersize I did in a self development class once. It was about parenting and was to teach us that our parents did the very best they could for us with the knowledge and tools that they had available to them. I see now that the same is true for me.
    I can only do the best that I can with the time and knowledge that I have. Sometimes I get frustrated that I should be able to do more to 'fix' the problem.
    See that is me the fixer of problems. I do it for everyone, my family my friends. Even my job is a possition where I fix things for people!
    Oh well onward doing the best I can.
    Thanks All
    Mish
     
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Mish, boy can I identify with you! But we all have our limits. Several years ago, things were really bad for some of my family, I pushed and pushed myself trying to make things right. I collapsed and ended up at the Docs, he said I had burn out and what did I expect the way I had been working, caring etc. I now am ill with ME and arthritis. Know your limits my love, take this from someone who's learnt the hard way please. Lotsaluv, She. XX
     
  7. penguin

    penguin Registered User

    Dec 1, 2005
    2
    Yorkshire
    Hi- I'm new too and I'm sure I'll be unloading also... I am a great believer in the theraputic value of having a moan
    Looking back, here's a story from my dad a few years ago- As he was having difficulties living alone, we all decided he'd move in with us- but as we needed a house with downstairs bedroom/ bathroom we had to buy a new property together. On the day of exchange we went to his bank to transfer his part of the money and apparently the day before he had closed the account- transferred all his money to a different account that couldn't be accessed for 6 months and had no idea that he'd done it. Luckily, as he was there and agreeing to the transaction, they did somehow manage to rectify it, but I really thought we'd lost the house-

    Honestly, I am considering writing about all the 'situations' and quotes from Dad- one m inute they have you in tears.... but, I suppose my way of coping with things is to try and see the funny side-

    Instead of feeling guilty, you really do need to see that you deserve to have time out- I'm not saying it's always easy to arrange, but about once a year I get away from ALL my responsibilities ( class, teenage kids and dad- and dogs!) for a few days, sit around eating, drinking, wandering about and it is fantastic ( and cheap with Ryanair)

    Bad luck about the ticket ( I got done for 34 in a 30 zone!)- it's annoying but- done now Have yourself a nice evening
     
  8. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hi Penguin,
    You're so right - sometimes if you didn't laugh you'd cry. Glad to hear from you, we could always do with something to grin at, even if it's just a wry grin.

    Just curious; are you a girl-penguin or a boy-penguin?
     
  9. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Penguin and welcome to TP. Your tale of your Dad moving his money is a very good cautionary example of the need to get a POA/EPA in place earlier rather than later. We already have ours, tucked in a drawer with copies of our wills so that the kids wont have any of the nightmares our Mums have put us through should we ever (fingers crossed hope not but just in case!) become unable to think rationally in the future. Please everyone take note, there but for the grace of etc.... love She. XX
     

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