1. Liz&family

    Liz&family Registered User

    Jun 15, 2005
    Hi, I have just registered as a user for talking point cos I feel like I'd like some contact with other people who understand where i'm at.
    My mum is currently in the process of being diagnosed with alzheimer's. although I have siblings who live near mum they arent interested in helping her out so i'm left to take control of everything myself. i live 75 miles away from mum but make the journey to see her (150 miles round trip) at least once a week. I am lucky that Mum has some good friends who provide the day-to-day support she needs. We have carers twice a day for half an hour at a time (Mum doesnt see the benefit of them so wants to stop them).
    At the same time I have two children, one under a year and the other started school in sept. My visits have to fit into school hours which makes my life on "mum days" pretty tight timewise (oops, got a speeding ticket last week!).
    I feel like I am juggling more balls that I can manage sometimes and this week the emotional strain has started to kick in. I have realised this week that I have little conversation with my friends other than how mum is, how behind I am with my house-wifey jobs etc so just now dont feel too much like socialising.
    To be honest I dont think there is anything anyone can do practically at this stage to help but I felt that maybe linking up with others who understand might be helpful...it feels better just "downloading" in this message!
    for anyone who read this - thanks for listening!!!!
  2. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    Hi Liz,Welcome to t/p, you are in good company here as we all understand how you feel its called the merry goround of caring.We are forever juggling things trying to fit it all in and just hopeing we dont drop anything!feel free to moan here it is the one place were everyone understands and people never tire of listening, it has been a life saver for me and many others.STORM
  3. Dawnb

    Dawnb Registered User

    Mar 2, 2005
    Hello Liz
    I am sure you will just benifit from reading all the different topics that are discussed on this board. It is certainly difficult to organise everything and still be in a bright and cheerful mood when you reach your mums !!
    I am not my dads full time carer but am certainly a back up for my mum who finds it difficult to manage all the bits around the house that dad use to do ! hence a trip on Monday to drop a table and chairs to be gotten rid of to the day care centre and yesterday to pick up dad and paint two walls in the kitchen !! Not always easy to keep the cool when you sometimes feel taken for granted. But thats life and I am sure we have it better then others so I guess you just have to get on with it and hope that what you do makes a big difference.
    Best wishes and feel free to off load anytime !
    Dawn :)
  4. TED

    TED Registered User

    Sep 14, 2004
    Hello Liz, just wanted to say welcome and please feel free to vent any frustration on us all, cos we're here to help and listen. I know I do frequently now. Also wanted to say that I can really sympathise with your situation, even though I personally dont have my own children to care and worry about. I felt too that I was 'losing' my friends and social life because all i had time for was going to help mum and dad. it was by 'talking' to them and the good people here that I was able to turn that around before it was too late. I simply told my friends what was going out at home and that I needed to be supportive to Mum and Dad, the friends that I valued were all great and have been helpful to me by listening when I needed to vent.

    If you cant get out as much (because of the little ones or the housework) I can only suggest inviting people over, hey they might even help out with the washing up (Im joking, cos you have to have humour in there somewhere)

    Keep well
    hope you drop by again soon
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    West Sussex
    Hi Liz, welcome to TP, as you can see by all the replies you are getting, we are one big virtual family on here. Hope you find TP as helpful as I have, love She. XX :)
  6. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Hello Liz,

    I join with everyone else in wishing you a big welcome to TP. We all understand the problems that you are experiencing - and how! Look forward to more of your posts.

  7. Liz&family

    Liz&family Registered User

    Jun 15, 2005
    Thank You

    Thanks everyone for your messages.
    It has been a real boost to get some replies and know that there are other people out there who understand. I managed to get through the whole evening last night without falling out with my husband and we chatted about "other stuff" and not just my issues.
    I can see that I am going to be using TP alot!!!
  8. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Hi Liz,

    The trouble with being a carer is that is slowly but surely can take over your entire life. One tends to become so insular and absorbed that you lose your friends and your conversation becomes limited to just one subject - Altzheimers.

    TP is an incredibly useful medium, in that you can rage on here and get it out. This then gives you space to have conversations with friends and family regarding all the other aspects of your life that are not connected to AD.

  9. Liz&family

    Liz&family Registered User

    Jun 15, 2005
    you are so right! Although I am not Mums main carer I feel like "head office" for her care. The phone just doesnt stop some days and other days I am making calls sorting things out for her. If I am not "doing" I am "thinking" about Mum and Alzheimers that it really does take over everything. Last night I made the decision though to stop answering the phone and screen calls after 8pm. Then the children are in bed and my husband & I get time to ourselves, thats been one of my biggest problems so far I have to say!
  10. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    West Sussex
    Dear Liz, all carers have a right to some quality time of their own. If you are the main carer, this is usually easier said than done I know from experience. But it is sensible to set some goals and arrange cover, even if just for a few hours, it can give you a breathing space and recharge your batteries. After all, we all have a life of our own and a right to live as well. Love She. XX :)
  11. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    Hi Liz,

    Welcome to Talking Point.

    I can relate to a lot of what you say. My father-in-law is 84 and was formally diagnosed with AD about 6 months ago. His main care giver is my mother-in-law who is 80. They live about 90 minutes away.

    We visit as a family about every 3 weeks. My hisband is their only child. We helped arrange a social worker for them about 7 months ago and she has arranged a social services carer to visit one afternoon a week. They offered more hours than that, but my mother-in-law felt that was all the break she needed.

    I generally visit whenever there is a home-based appointment with the social worker or occupational therapist, so far that's been at least once a month. I also have a nine-year old daughter so I know what you mean about the pressures of back-and-forth on a school day. I have a friend who is a child minder and if I put her on stand-by, she can pick up my daughter if I don't make it back by 3.20. My husband goes over for any medical appointments, just to be another pair of eyes and ears as my mother-in-law finds it difficult to take it all on board (don't we all?).

    Take care and keep posting,


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