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Hello

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
just joined 'Dementia Connect' today after speaking with one of the Society’s wonderful people , Sarah on the support line this afternoon, Sarah was amazing to talk to and I didn't feel judged in anyway what so ever.

My 79yr old Father was diagnosed with vascular dementia 5 years ago but it seems to have got worse over the past 12-months leading to a big incident with his behaviour about 3 weeks ago which affected all our family. I felt at my wits end and have even been signed off work for 2 weeks due to the stress. It’s like losing someone but slowly and painfully.

I've felt quite down over the past few weeks (and it's been hard seeing how this has all effected my Mother, Sister and my stress also affecting my own wife and children too) but both talking to Sarah today and reading the contributions from the other members has reminded me that I'm not alone.

Dementia is a cruel cruel illness that affects so many people and their loved ones, friends etc but it so good to know that there is a support network out there.. Thx, Marty21 :)
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,148
0
leicester
Hello and welcome to DTP @marty21

I glad that you are finding the forum informative and helpful, feeling you are not alone dealing with the terrible things that dementia throw at is very helpful.

It’s a friendly and supportive place for information and support I hope now you have found the forum you will continue to post.
 

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
Hello and welcome to DTP @marty21

I glad that you are finding the forum informative and helpful, feeling you are not alone dealing with the terrible things that dementia throw at is very helpful.

It’s a friendly and supportive place for information and support I hope now you have found the forum you will continue to post.
Thank you so much @nellbelles , that’s really appreciated. Speaking with Sarah at the Society today and then joining the forum felt like a very positive thing to do today 🙂
 

northumbrian_k

Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
1,197
0
Newcastle
Welcome from me too @marty21. I am sure that you'll find a lot of support from our online community. I certainly have since joining 4 years ago. There are plenty here who have experience of vascular dementia as well as all the stress that affects families and carers. Please keep posting whenever you need.
 

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
Welcome from me too @marty21. I am sure that you'll find a lot of support from our online community. I certainly have since joining 4 years ago. There are plenty here who have experience of vascular dementia as well as all the stress that affects families and carers. Please keep posting whenever you need.
Thank you @northumbrian_k , that’s really kind of you and much appreciated. It’s also great to hear it’s helped you as well 🙂
 

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
Hi @marty21 . I found this forum a great source of comfort while is was caring for my dad with mixed dementia and some challenging behaviour. Keep posting 🙂
Hey @Bunpoots , thank you so much for your welcome! I’m pleased to hear you have found this forum to be helpful when dealing with your own Dad’s issues. Thanks again 🙂
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,408
0
Hello from me too @marty21

I looked after my mum, who's vascular dementia is now in the late stage, for a couple of years before arranging a care home for her. It's not always gone well, to put it mildly, and yes, the behaviour can be very challenging for everyone. It's extremely difficult stuff to deal with but there are lots of us out here to help you along, so keep posting for support and advice.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,877
0
Hi @marty21 and a welcome to Dementia Talking Point from me too. My mother also has vascular dementia though it took a long time to diagnose. My mother could appear fine, and seemed to be managing OK, but then there would be an incident when she seemed to 'glitch out' and would accuse various people, mainly the neighbours of doing awful things.
You'll find lots of support here, as you're among people that understand the difficulties surrounding caring for someone with dementia,
 

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
Hello from me too @marty21

I looked after my mum, who's vascular dementia is now in the late stage, for a couple of years before arranging a care home for her. It's not always gone well, to put it mildly, and yes, the behaviour can be very challenging for everyone. It's extremely difficult stuff to deal with but there are lots of us out here to help you along, so keep posting for support and advice.
Hi @lemonbalm , thank you so much for your lovely message. I’m sorry to hear about your Mum and the condition is such a challenge. My Dad’s dementia seemed to have not changed much over the last few years until the incident recently which showed it had of course declined. It brought all those initial feelings back as well re when he was first diagnosed 5 years ago. Joining this group has been such a positive move and I appreciate yours and everyone’s kind words 🙂🙏
 

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
Hi @marty21 and a welcome to Dementia Talking Point from me too. My mother also has vascular dementia though it took a long time to diagnose. My mother could appear fine, and seemed to be managing OK, but then there would be an incident when she seemed to 'glitch out' and would accuse various people, mainly the neighbours of doing awful things.
You'll find lots of support here, as you're among people that understand the difficulties surrounding caring for someone with dementia,
Hi @sara
Hi @lemonbalm , thank you so much for your lovely message. I’m sorry to hear about your Mum and the condition is such a challenge. My Dad’s dementia seemed to have not changed much over the last few years until the incident recently which showed it had of course declined. It brought all those initial feelings back as well re when he was first diagnosed 5 years ago. Joining this group has been such a positive move and I appreciate yours and everyone’s kind words 🙂🙏
Hi @marty21 and a welcome to Dementia Talking Point from me too. My mother also has vascular dementia though it took a long time to diagnose. My mother could appear fine, and seemed to be managing OK, but then there would be an incident when she seemed to 'glitch out' and would accuse various people, mainly the neighbours of doing awful things.
You'll find lots of support here, as you're among people that understand the difficulties surrounding caring for someone with dementia,
Hi @Sarasa , thank you for both your welcome and kind message, really so much appreciated. Sorry to hear about your own Mum and a lot of what you said rings true with my own Dad. I have to move on to fully accept now that my Dad has changed and things won’t be the same again.
I’ve already found support on here via both yours and others kind welcoming messages. So pleased I both made the call to the Society yesterday and joined this forum 🙂
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
4,064
0
south-east London
Hi @marty21 and a welcome from me too.

I well recall how things could change so quickly and out of the blue when I was caring for my late husband. The first four years after diagnosis went fairly smoothly - and then there was a sudden downturn and the repercussions of the challenging behaviour which came with that really knocked us for six as a family at the time.

I had been a member of Dementia Talking Point for several years at that point, so I knew what could happen, but of course we never really know if it will happen until the moment arrives. I took comfort from all the posts that I had read from others who had already been through that experience - and because of that background knowledge, I knew that there was still hope that things could settle down again for a while longer.

Fortunately, with changed medication, things did settle down and family life returned to calm once more, with many enjoyable and happy times. It was a further two years before another big dip with very challenging behaviour came along (though we did experience temporary 'blips' along the way, which were short-lived). Sadly, on that second sharp downturn, there was no medication change that could help - but I'll always be grateful for the extra two years of relative peace, calm and happiness that we had achieved.

I am thinking of you and your family, and although things will never be the same, I hope that there will be ways to help things become more manageable for all concerned.
 

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
Hi @marty21 and a welcome from me too.

I well recall how things could change so quickly and out of the blue when I was caring for my late husband. The first four years after diagnosis went fairly smoothly - and then there was a sudden downturn and the repercussions of the challenging behaviour which came with that really knocked us for six as a family at the time.

I had been a member of Dementia Talking Point for several years at that point, so I knew what could happen, but of course we never really know if it will happen until the moment arrives. I took comfort from all the posts that I had read from others who had already been through that experience - and because of that background knowledge, I knew that there was still hope that things could settle down again for a while longer.

Fortunately, with changed medication, things did settle down and family life returned to calm once more, with many enjoyable and happy times. It was a further two years before another big dip with very challenging behaviour came along (though we did experience temporary 'blips' along the way, which were short-lived). Sadly, on that second sharp downturn, there was no medication change that could help - but I'll always be grateful for the extra two years of relative peace, calm and happiness that we had achieved.

I am thinking of you and your family, and although things will never be the same, I hope that there will be ways to help things become more manageable for all concerned.
Hi @LynneMcV , many thanks for your very kind reply, so much appreciated. Thank you also for giving an insight into your experience with late husband’s condition as well. This sounds very similar to my own Father and his recent ‘outburst’ of extreme challenging behaviour has led to many more professionals becoming involved such as Social Workers, Health professionals etc. Whilst that has all been a shock it has had the positive effect of getting some additional support for my Mother (my Dad’s primary carer). I think it’s also made her accept that he does have dementia and is not just ‘trying it on’ as she has put it in the past. Unfortunately his current aggressive behaviour flash points (something of a Jekell and Hyde ) are akin to when he was much younger. Whilst these calmed down somewhat through his middle-aged years they have returned with full force and there is no ‘filter’ in his mind to control them unfortunately. I think it may get to the stage where we need to look at a nursing home (as he has very physical mobility as well and numerous other chronic health issues) but for the time being my Mother is adamant that she wants him to be at home as it’s the ‘right thing to do and he wouldn’t put her in a home if it was visa-versa’. We shall see. Your point about medication is interesting and they are looking at that but unfortunately he also has end stage kidney failure so there is a limit to the amount of medication he can manage. Oh well...

Anyway thank you so much for reaching out and so pleased to be part of this support community 🙂🙏
 

Kapow

Registered User
Nov 17, 2019
52
0
just joined 'Dementia Connect' today after speaking with one of the Society’s wonderful people , Sarah on the support line this afternoon, Sarah was amazing to talk to and I didn't feel judged in anyway what so ever.

My 79yr old Father was diagnosed with vascular dementia 5 years ago but it seems to have got worse over the past 12-months leading to a big incident with his behaviour about 3 weeks ago which affected all our family. I felt at my wits end and have even been signed off work for 2 weeks due to the stress. It’s like losing someone but slowly and painfully.

I've felt quite down over the past few weeks (and it's been hard seeing how this has all effected my Mother, Sister and my stress also affecting my own wife and children too) but both talking to Sarah today and reading the contributions from the other members has reminded me that I'm not alone.

Dementia is a cruel cruel illness that affects so many people and their loved ones, friends etc but it so good to know that there is a support network out there.. Thx, Marty21 :)
Welcome to the forum! I find this website very helpful and even if you just want to come on and have a bit of a rant,or discuss your situation,you can be guaranteed of a sympathetic ear....
 

marty21

Registered User
May 4, 2021
12
0
Welcome to the forum! I find this website very helpful and even if you just want to come on and have a bit of a rant,or discuss your situation,you can be guaranteed of a sympathetic ear....
2 quotes - the above and this -

Thank you so much @Kapow ! Everyone has been so welcoming and it helped already. Look forward to being part of this online community 🙂
 

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