Hello, yes, I'm the daughter

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
The home seems lovely @imthedaughter , and I'm glad your dad has another problem to solve. That ought to keep him busy.
What is the point of the court case? Your dad can't give evidence, and I guess he has no money left anyway.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
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The home seems lovely @imthedaughter , and I'm glad your dad has another problem to solve. That ought to keep him busy.
What is the point of the court case? Your dad can't give evidence, and I guess he has no money left anyway.
You ask the question we all ask! He has almost nothing left, yes, although he spends very little and we don't do anything like family gifts etc, the allowance is so little it makes no impact time he's paid for haircuts and pull ups.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
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Latest fallout from the court case - I, along with my siblings, am being investigated by the OPG because 'concerns have been raised' that we are mismanaging Dad's financial and property and healthcare and welfare and not acting in his interest.

The person who has raised 'concerns' wants money. I think they are about to be sorely disappointed- if we're doing something not in dad's interest, God help anyone holding an LPA.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,259
0
High Peak
Latest fallout from the court case - I, along with my siblings, am being investigated by the OPG because 'concerns have been raised' that we are mismanaging Dad's financial and property and healthcare and welfare and not acting in his interest.

The person who has raised 'concerns' wants money. I think they are about to be sorely disappointed- if we're doing something not in dad's interest, God help anyone holding an LPA.
Isn't it always the way? You and your siblings must be extremely angry and I don't blame you. However, the OPG tend to investigate with a 'light touch'. They really don't want to get involved in any family disagreements (such as bad feeling among siblings over who was appointed PoA and petty jealousies, 'I want my share!' etc.)

I've read many times here on TP of situations where a sibling has been ripping off the donor, often to a huge extent, and even then the OPG are either very slow to act or really do very little regarding the offender. In your case, you've done absolutely nothing wrong and your poor dad has virtually no money anyway! I imagine the 'investigation' by the OPG is mostly a procedural thing - something they have to do if someone has made a complaint. They will quickly see you've all been acting in your dad's best interests.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
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Isn't it always the way? You and your siblings must be extremely angry and I don't blame you. However, the OPG tend to investigate with a 'light touch'. They really don't want to get involved in any family disagreements (such as bad feeling among siblings over who was appointed PoA and petty jealousies, 'I want my share!' etc.)

I've read many times here on TP of situations where a sibling has been ripping off the donor, often to a huge extent, and even then the OPG are either very slow to act or really do very little regarding the offender. In your case, you've done absolutely nothing wrong and your poor dad has virtually no money anyway! I imagine the 'investigation' by the OPG is mostly a procedural thing - something they have to do if someone has made a complaint. They will quickly see you've all been acting in your dad's best interests.
Thank you, that is reassuring, even though I have also seen the same on TP it's much better hearing it from someone else!
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
I'm assuming the person who bothered the OPG about you and your siblings is the same person who sent papers to your dad's care home. They may well feel aggrieved that the money they think your dad owes them isn't forthcoming, but they really must be desperate if they think you've somehow squirreled it away. I hope they get sent packing in short order.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
944
0
I'm assuming the person who bothered the OPG about you and your siblings is the same person who sent papers to your dad's care home. They may well feel aggrieved that the money they think your dad owes them isn't forthcoming, but they really must be desperate if they think you've somehow squirreled it away. I hope they get sent packing in short order.
Thank you. Yes I imagine it is.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
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Bit of a shock today when some woman claiming to be from 'LPA' went to visit dad. I was concerned it was a PI or a scammer, had a bit of a panicked ring round and eventually the home called me and I had a chat with the woman, who did appear to be from the OPG. It's part of the investigation. She seemed to know next to nothing about dementia so I hope dad wasn't too confusing to her but hopefully she got the picture of where he was in terms of capacity. I explained we don't involve dad in his financial affairs as they are complex and he finds them distressing. I started second-guessing myself then but I think we made the right decision as dad couldn't retain enough information to make decisions, so I believe we've acted in his best interests.
 

SweetPepper

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
263
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Bit of a shock today when some woman claiming to be from 'LPA' went to visit dad. I was concerned it was a PI or a scammer, had a bit of a panicked ring round and eventually the home called me and I had a chat with the woman, who did appear to be from the OPG. It's part of the investigation. She seemed to know next to nothing about dementia so I hope dad wasn't too confusing to her but hopefully she got the picture of where he was in terms of capacity. I explained we don't involve dad in his financial affairs as they are complex and he finds them distressing. I started second-guessing myself then but I think we made the right decision as dad couldn't retain enough information to make decisions, so I believe we've acted in his best interests.

It’s a bad show when that happens, flat panic from anyone corncerned wondering who the hell, and why etc!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
944
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I had a phone call from a DOLS person the other week and advised them fully of the current situation. They wanted me to act as representative, to which I did agree, and I received the letter today. There were two reports, one from a psychiatrist and one from a safeguarder and of course, Dad had a good chat with them both and told them all sorts of things.

The psychiatrist was told Dad had been there 2.5 years which is closer to the truth than usual, but he did a lot of correcting to see if dad could retain the information. He could not, although he fully believed he could. He told him that he'd moved there because he wanted to see a certain Dr, and this was the place where he could be seen and have the space at the right time. It's exactly the type of thing my brother says when he's lying about something - make it more complex and hopefully they will stop asking questions!

He told the safeguarder, who was a woman, that he'd been there three days and that he was simply waiting for a ferry to the Isle of Man. She asked him (why did she ask?) why he was going there and he said "For some amusement!" Of course.

Anyway, despite him being refused DOLS three years ago, much to everyone's surprise then, this time there was no way he was going to be refused. He retains zero information and needs 2:1 for almost everything. The home is even saying he could do with some help with feeding, but for obvious reasons he's not too keen on that. I know Dad is very unwell but hearing it from others really brings it home. I don't know how much longer we'll have left.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,259
0
High Peak
Mum was granted a temporary DoLS at first - she had deteriorated very suddenly but was very articulate back then and the SW thought she might be OK in some sort of assisted living. (No!)

But 6 months later when they came to do a renewal, mum talked to the SW about rice pudding for an hour, no matter how much she tried to change the subject back to her questions. Whilst I was relieved that mum could stay in the home and the DoLS was granted, I remember the shock at realising how much she had gone downhill in 6 months. Seeing it all written in the DoLS document really brought it home too. Dementia is a terrible thing.

At least you know your dad can stay in the home and be kept safe now.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
944
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Mum was granted a temporary DoLS at first - she had deteriorated very suddenly but was very articulate back then and the SW thought she might be OK in some sort of assisted living. (No!)

But 6 months later when they came to do a renewal, mum talked to the SW about rice pudding for an hour, no matter how much she tried to change the subject back to her questions. Whilst I was relieved that mum could stay in the home and the DoLS was granted, I remember the shock at realising how much she had gone downhill in 6 months. Seeing it all written in the DoLS document really brought it home too. Dementia is a terrible thing.

At least you know your dad can stay in the home and be kept safe now.
The other thing is that dad is not very mobile at all now so he's unlikely to leave his room at all! It's an odd time to have a DOLS assessment but you never know, it might be handy for this court case?!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
944
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Terrible news this weekend. Dad's wonderful home is going into insolvency - the cost of everything has gone up so much there is no way back. The owner called me yesterday crying - she obviously feels terrible about it and it was her family business. All residents have to find new places and we only have a few weeks.
I'm trying to remain calm - social services will have to help us but there are so many potential problems and things which could go wrong. The idea of temporary placements, disruption, a long move etc is the path to panic but I am trying to not 'catastrophise' and just find out what our options are and of course advocate for dad as much as I can. I would prefer he was transferred nearer to me but I've moved out of England to Wales so I don't know if that will be possible. If anyone knows let me know. I am sure this good home will not be the last to close.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
What devastating new @imthedaughter.
I guess the first thing will be to liaise with social services in your dads area about what they are intending to do to help the residents find somewhere else to live.
Moving your dad near you sounds a good idea. Maybe phone your local council and chat through the options for a move near you.
I'm sure others that have been in this position will be along soon with some more practical suggestions, but I guess the important thing isn't to panic and jump at the first suggestion, but to try and think things through.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
944
0
Today was the end of the 48 hours grace I felt was appropriate to give Social Services to get their act together before I started badgering them. We have 19 days to find a suitable place for dad's needs and the social services budget with a room available, and get him and his stuff moved or rehomed as appropriate.
Today and yesterday I managed to coordinate the moving of his piano. As he can no longer play, my plan is to get it restored and moved to me. This will be incredibly expensive but the piano belonged to my grandparents who I never met and I have almost nothing of dad's as he left it all behind when he abandoned his original home before we realised he was ill. I couldn't bear to have it in the poor state it's in now, but that's just the case, and it can be saved it will be.
Sorting that out was more complex than I had thought so I'm glad to have this first step in motion.
The more important thing is finding dad somewhere to live. His social worker called me back in good time after I called the office and she was keenly aware of the timeline and was vaguely aware that dad has advanced dementia and high needs.
She's going to see dad on Monday and assess him with the help of the home's notes, and start looking for suitable places in the area. She told me we're unlikely to have a choice, which I expected. I explained our predicament with my siblings and raised the idea that as he has no contacts now in his local area we should look across South Wales to be in-between me and my elder brother. She asked me to research some places and email her, and she did say she's not done a move out of County before but she seemed concerned about the situation in that I am five hours away and my younger brother won't see him. I did some research and sent her places near me, places in between and some around an hour away which would be a lot more reasonable.
Some of the LA homes seem to be in budget, too, and I think I'm hoping that having such a large area we'll consider may help us find the right place.
I can do more research on Monday once I know what the social worker recommends. I have been looking at EMI units where the homes have nursing / end of life care.
I know a move would be really hard on dad, I hope he's strong enough to do it. But the thought of having him closer to us makes me feel really hopeful, which I wasn't expecting. I think it means this is something that I'd really like to happen, and I'll do what I can to make it work if dad can manage it.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
Although it is a dreadful situation to be in I think you've made some great first steps towards getting things in place for your dad. I feel so sorry for the home's owner as well as your dad, you and all the other residents and their families.