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Hello, yes, I'm the daughter

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
Sorry nothing helpful to suggest, not had any experience of this personally but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug 🤗 Fingers crossed 🤞Its a one off and as you say maybe his medication is changed to help. Sounds like the home were on the ball in dealing with situation in best way for everyone. Hope it all gets resolved ok x
Thanks I hope so too. Your mum has sertaline or whatever it's called for anxiety, doesn't she? Dad's not had a go on that yet. May be worth a try. Will see what MH team say. Many thanks for the hug 🤗
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,854
It must be a real worry, but you have worked out the problem. Perhaps the staff can find a way to overcome the situation now they have been warned.
Dreams are so real too. 'Bad ' behaviour often has a good reason behind it. X
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thanks I hope so too. Your mum has sertaline or whatever it's called for anxiety, doesn't she? Dad's not had a go on that yet. May be worth a try. Will see what MH team say. Many thanks for the hug 🤗
Yes my mum has sertraline, I don't know what others there are as thats only one mums tried, but it does seem to help her. She was very anxious and agitated and really aggressive when arguing which was quite a lot. The first month she was on 50mg and she was much calmer but would still get upset especially when realised she'd forgotten something or got mixed up, it was increased to 100mg and that has really helped with her getting as upset too. The only side effect she's had with it has been when she had sertraline close to galantamine (her alzheimers tablet) and she felt a bit sicky for few hours, that happened twice so I'm careful to leave an hour at least between them and she's been fine with them.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
It must be a real worry, but you have worked out the problem. Perhaps the staff can find a way to overcome the situation now they have been warned.
Dreams are so real too. 'Bad ' behaviour often has a good reason behind it. X
The carers immediately recognised he was tying to do his job, just in the wrong time and place! It doesn't make it easier to help him through it in the moment though.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
I'd not heard back from the CH so rang today. They don't seem too concerned in his day-to-day. He's hard work, I think as he's at that stage where something is wrong but he's not sure what so he tries to go out, often. Still keeping up, remarkably, with the news, although he's lost the ability to apply it to his or anyone else's life - he thinks it's just the CH residents that can't go out, for example. He has a point there though, the carers go home. But obviously it's not their home!

I spoke to him and it was word salad as the Americans say. Or at least sentence salad.

He was in a residential home, did I know?
Where are you?
You're getting married again, I thought? (I think that may be a surprise to my husband!)
Liam? (Who is Liam?)
Are you here?
Have you spoken to your younger brother (by name - remarkable. I thought he'd forgotten him!)? Well when did you speak to him? Was it today? Or yesterday? (Why the time quiz, dad, you of all people?!)
A vague: Are the animals ok? The horses? (What horses?)
I can't stay here for the rest of my life.
My course is coming to an end.
I'm sorting out my luggage. I'll be moving out.
I think I'll go to Australia.
It is nice to hear your voice, darling.
They call it tea, here.

I think I may have become his sister for some of the conversation, but he knows who I am, vaguely, still - I think.

Apparently he is often trying to leave but doesn't pack or anything. When I left the conversation they were just getting tea ready and he sounded like he was looking forward to it. I suggested maybe he should stay, rather than try to move out as soon as possible, and he said that may be the best thing, actually. You'll all be pleased to know he said he has no plans to get married again at the moment!
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,693
I have similar conversations with my mum, well at least I used to when I could see her. A favourite was how were my mum and sister. I'd never point out that she'd my mum and I haven't got a sister. She also often says that she thinks when she goes home tonight she'll have a bath. She hasn't had one of those in years.
 
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annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,637
Yorkshire
Thats so like some of the conversations I have with mum, never heard of word salad before but can see why.
Glad home are ok with your dad and even though hard work they aren’t too concerned. Shame about him keep saying he’s leaving but good he hasn’t, I hope he settles soon.
No rush for you to buy a new hat for his wedding now then 😀
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
I have similar conversations with my mum, well at least I used to when I could see her. A favourite was how were my mum and sister. I'd never point out that she'd my mum and I haven't got a sister. She also often says that she thinks when she goes home tonight she'll have a bath. She hasn't had one of those in years.
I think he's just flicking through 'phrases I've said most often' hoping something lands. Although his current affairs is always up to date? He loves to follow politics, it is like a real life soap opera to him. I have friends who work in government and he would have really enjoyed the stories before but he can't seem to grasp how their lives relate to the people on TV (even though Boris is their boss, for example).
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,693
Politics was the thing that went last with mum. Even when she was getting very confused about other things she was pretty good on discussing what she thought of the Government. Even that has gone now. I mentioned something about Boris Johnson being the Prime Minster and she looked very vague, obviously didn't know who he was.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,408
South coast
My OH is also up to date on current affairs and can tell you all about the coronavirus. Recently, however, he has been worrying that he doesnt have an appointment with the podiatrist, or the optician and that the dentist and hospital have cancelled his appointments, that the electricity meters havent been read and he wants to go to his favourite cafe for coffee and cake. He seemed surprised when I told him that these people were not making any appointments and ones that had been made were being cancelled, that no-one was coming round to the house for meter reading and that his cafe closed - all because of the virus. He doesnt seem to be able to take his "head knowledge" and apply it into his actual life.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
Thats so like some of the conversations I have with mum, never heard of word salad before but can see why.
Glad home are ok with your dad and even though hard work they aren’t too concerned. Shame about him keep saying he’s leaving but good he hasn’t, I hope he settles soon.
No rush for you to buy a new hat for his wedding now then 😀
I don't know if he will ever stop trying to leave now? Who knows... He just said that he doesn't want to be there for the rest of his life, he's got things to do. I think he believes he's quite young, so needs to get on!
Yes I have plenty of time to sort out a hat I suppose! He generally dislikes the other residents so not a lot of hope in that area!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
Politics was the thing that went last with mum. Even when she was getting very confused about other things she was pretty good on discussing what she thought of the Government. Even that has gone now. I mentioned something about Boris Johnson being the Prime Minster and she looked very vague, obviously didn't know who he was.
Yes, Dad will be the same I think. Very aware of Boris! He able to increase his score in the initial dementia screen at the GP simply by having really good current affairs knowledge. About a third of the questions he passed with flying colours! Who is the prime minister, tell me something that has happened recently in the news, has there been a change of government recently?

Sometimes I think they will have to change these as with the diversification of entertainment and so forth, people like my husband, who has no interest in news and has close to zero idea of current affairs, would probably fail the test right now as a result!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
My OH is also up to date on current affairs and can tell you all about the coronavirus. Recently, however, he has been worrying that he doesnt have an appointment with the podiatrist, or the optician and that the dentist and hospital have cancelled his appointments, that the electricity meters havent been read and he wants to go to his favourite cafe for coffee and cake. He seemed surprised when I told him that these people were not making any appointments and ones that had been made were being cancelled, that no-one was coming round to the house for meter reading and that his cafe closed - all because of the virus. He doesnt seem to be able to take his "head knowledge" and apply it into his actual life.
That's interesting, sounds like they are at the same stage in that at least. He thought I was able to travel as I wished, which is obviously not the case. Very similar worries as well re: appointments and so on.

I chased up the CH yesterday to see if they have heard anything from mental health - they aren't answering any form of communication so far apparently. But dad had played the piano that morning.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
Had a call on Friday from the CH, in light of possible progression of the AD they have put him on mermantine as well as the donepezil. They could also up the dose of donepezil and the carer wasn't sure if he's going to be kept on both, but I read on the AS website that they actually work in different ways and people with advanced dementia are often put on both.

I do wonder if something like sertaline would work to reduce anxiety but I suppose he's not generally anxious - he kicked off due to a genuine belief of the situation.

The carer said she had queried the time of day for the tablets as they said at bedtime but dad is still refusing to take meds. I did see that both of the prescribed drugs are available as dispersibles so that may be useful if that's possible.

Now we wait to see if it has any affect!
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,793
69
Dundee
I hope the changes in meds work for your dad. I know of several people whose loved ones were on both donepeziil and memantine.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
Thanks @Cat27 @Izzy I hope so too. Not sure how long they take to work but should be given some time. Dad doesn't appear to be aware how confused he is - early on he knew he was confused, but that's gone now. Just the conviction of a headstrong man who knows he's right remains!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
473
You will never guess what happened last night.

I was just finishing up some work on my laptop when I decided to go into the kitchen to get a drink ready for when I would sit outside as it was still really sunny when my mobile rang. It was Dad's care home, and so I picked up tentatively, wondering what scrape Dad had got into this time.

It was actually Dad. Now I know some of you are at the stage where your PWD calls every ten minutes, but Dad hasn't actually thought to call me in 18 months. That's not true, I think he thinks of calling me but doesn't actually do it. He wanted to know if I wanted to come over for supper tomorrow, bless him.

Nothing was wrong, but he was a bit bored, can't go out, and so on. I had to tell him that I couldn't come tomorrow because of the virus but I would come down as soon as possible. I also reminded him that I was still quite far away - he thinks I'm round the corner lately, when he always used to know where I lived before that.

I was quite the disappointment as I think he was hoping I was having a more interesting life, but obviously, we're not right now! I did tell him about the plans we had to go campervanning and that I had a new job - which I hadn't bothered telling him before as he didn't really seem interested and I thought he'd forget anyway

Interestingly he still thinks I'm married to Liam. I've never actually known a Liam. I think perhaps his favourite carer has a Liam. He'll be at the home a few more days, he thinks, then he'll be going... somewhere else. I didn't press him on that. I'm trying not to ask questions that require him to remember anything like what he had for tea or where he thinks he's going.

Anyway apart from me not being very interesting (thanks Dad!) he seemed happy enough to speak with me and I had a little cry afterwards, not exactly sure why - it's so sad he's so bored but I was delighted he actually managed to call, as I never know how often to call him.

He actually seemed quite with it, and quite positive, and it was after dinner time - I don't know what that means: could be that the anti-depressants have kicked in or the new dementia drug is helping with the confusion, or it might mean he just had quite a good day and was being a bit of a pain moping around so the carer thought to find my number.

He has admitted he likes this carer now, they are pals, apparently. That's a relief beyond words, that, seeing as he's muttered darkly about every other one in there!

He said he didn't want anything but I will try to find something to send him, even if it's entertaining for just a few minutes.