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Hello, yes, I'm the daughter

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Have been off here for a few days just dealing with the legal stuff and, you know, trying to have a normal life, lots of work on and a cold so trying to rest when I can. The legal stuff is continuing and I am finding it quite stressful. If the case goes all the way dad will need council funding a lot sooner than I'd hoped, and of course we can't know if he'll be able to stay where he is when that happens.

I've had a letter from the local care place saying he's missed his podiatry appointment. CH have no idea how that happened and, to be fair, they keep careful note of his appointments. I have suggested we look to reinstate home visits as although dad seems fine when it turns up for appointments it takes a village to get him there.
Try not to worry about finances, easy to say I know; but care homes have told me that it’s bad form to move a person if they are settled - it’s not in their best interests. Also the council would have to prove that the same level of care is available at a cheaper cost & moving your Dad wouldn’t have a detrimental effect on his well being & happiness.
Any moves for PWD is traumatic & wouldn’t be in his best interests.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
That sounds reassuring. I'm also comforted by the fact that he originally went there on a council placement so I hope that it's within budget.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
The legal case rumbles on: I'm waiting for a response from the solicitor now, but having paid one bill already and being nowhere near any kind of resolution I guess this could go on for a very long time. The claimant's claims are ridiculous, and he's trying all the roadblocks he can to make me give in.

I discovered some slightly worrying paperwork while I was going through Dad's papers and putting them in order. At some point a couple of years ago, Dad's solicitor was concerned about his behaviour. Dad was confused by something and who was representing him doing what: he had three cases on the go at the time. He tried to claim he was not in a good position to make decisions based on poor health and repeated infections, which may be true. However Dad's GP wrote a letter saying he was fine. Dad then disputed giving the solicitor permission to write to the Dr.

Obviously I'm grateful that dad was considered to be able to make decisions as if not our LPA would be invalid. But I also feel that the GP could have been more aggressive in running tests and it makes me feel a bit angry to be honest.

At the same time I know that we didn't exactly spot it so I can't actually blame anyone. Dad used to call me saying he was worried about his memory and I frankly didn't believe him. But I did tell him to go to the Dr with his concerns, which was the right thing to say.

I know Dad was never above making excuses however implausible, using his disability or age to get out of doing anything he didn't want to do. And emotional manipulation was also not beyond him, as unfortunately my younger brother discovered the hard way.

Like the little boy who cried wolf, when Dad really did get into trouble with his memory, he wasn't believed. And now here we are. No diagnosis, and a court case which could bankrupt him. And he still has no idea.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
Dad had a hearing yesterday. The case will continue. I remain confident that we have a good case, and we're not insolvent quite yet, and I'm therefore finding it a lot less stressful. I am loathe to say more, given the ongoing legal proceedings.

The debt collectors are finally catching up with dad, which in some ways is good as it means I can finally start sorting some of his things out for him. I had no clue who he owed money to but it is becoming a little more obvious now and I'm glad we have the solicitor as they are able to assist sometimes. Given dad just abandoned the property, no telling any utilities etc it's a bit of a mess but I feel like I have the energy to tackle at least some of it now. If I pick off one at a time hopefully we'll get there!

No memory clinic appointment yet... I think a diagnosis at this point would be helpful.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Dad had a hearing yesterday. The case will continue. I remain confident that we have a good case, and we're not insolvent quite yet, and I'm therefore finding it a lot less stressful. I am loathe to say more, given the ongoing legal proceedings.

The debt collectors are finally catching up with dad, which in some ways is good as it means I can finally start sorting some of his things out for him. I had no clue who he owed money to but it is becoming a little more obvious now and I'm glad we have the solicitor as they are able to assist sometimes. Given dad just abandoned the property, no telling any utilities etc it's a bit of a mess but I feel like I have the energy to tackle at least some of it now. If I pick off one at a time hopefully we'll get there!

good luck XX

No memory clinic appointment yet... I think a diagnosis at this point would be helpful.
just found out last week you can self refer to CMHT
Hope that helps
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
just found out last week you can self refer to CMHT
Hope that helps
just found out last week you can self refer to CMHT
Hope that helps
May well do thanks! Just got off the phone to the CH and they are struggling with dad. Doesn't know what's day and night, won't do his own personal care and refusing help with it, not changing his clothes, general unkempt behaviour, trying to go out at all hours, trying to get his car (long gone). He's had two falls this month alone and falls on his face every time. I am concerned this fast decline may be due to or connected to this. Perhaps he has had mini strokes? Or a bleed? We just don't know and the memory clinic has no appointment in sight. CH trying to hurry them up.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
May well do thanks! Just got off the phone to the CH and they are struggling with dad. Doesn't know what's day and night, won't do his own personal care and refusing help with it, not changing his clothes, general unkempt behaviour, trying to go out at all hours, trying to get his car (long gone). He's had two falls this month alone and falls on his face every time. I am concerned this fast decline may be due to or connected to this. Perhaps he has had mini strokes? Or a bleed? We just don't know and the memory clinic has no appointment in sight. CH trying to hurry them up.
That’s really tough
I’m sorry
What about the GP?
((((((Hugs)))))))
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
That’s really tough
I’m sorry
What about the GP?
((((((Hugs)))))))
GP is fully involved and has made referral. Can't seem to fast track assessment though...? CH are trying. Now discussing Deprivation of Liberty. Dad is trying to go out all hours of the night. Coming down for breakfast at 2am. Trying to go out with no top on and an open coat, trousers inside out and back to front - it's freezing out there early in the morning.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
GP is fully involved and has made referral. Can't seem to fast track assessment though...? CH are trying. Now discussing Deprivation of Liberty. Dad is trying to go out all hours of the night. Coming down for breakfast at 2am. Trying to go out with no top on and an open coat, trousers inside out and back to front - it's freezing out there early in the morning.
would the home consider letting him sit downstairs with staff while on night duty. Maybe if he went to bed later then he might not get up so early.

you have probably gone down all the routes &options.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
would the home consider letting him sit downstairs with staff while on night duty. Maybe if he went to bed later then he might not get up so early.

you have probably gone down all the routes &options.
Oh yes he can but he takes himself off to bed and previously used to appear for meals and snacks no problem. I think they are more concerned that he is insisting it's not 5am and that the paper shop is open...
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,892
South coast
May well do thanks! Just got off the phone to the CH and they are struggling with dad. Doesn't know what's day and night, won't do his own personal care and refusing help with it, not changing his clothes, general unkempt behaviour, trying to go out at all hours, trying to get his car (long gone). He's had two falls this month alone and falls on his face every time. I am concerned this fast decline may be due to or connected to this. Perhaps he has had mini strokes? Or a bleed? We just don't know and the memory clinic has no appointment in sight. CH trying to hurry them up.
My mum used to do all of these things pretty much all of the time.
Is it the sudden change that the CH are concerned about, or are they not able to manage his behaviour?
A decent CH aught to be able to manage it.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Oh yes he can but he takes himself off to bed and previously used to appear for meals and snacks no problem. I think they are more concerned that he is insisting it's not 5am and that the paper shop is open...
I thought this was common behaviour issues, & care homes adapted care plans to the needs of PWD
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
My mum used to do all of these things pretty much all of the time.
Is it the sudden change that the CH are concerned about, or are they not able to manage his behaviour?
A decent CH aught to be able to manage it.
They are concerned that it's a deterioration and has been sudden. That's dementia though from what I can gather? They are used to it I think it's just slightly alarming how quickly it's come on.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
My mum used to do all of these things pretty much all of the time.
Is it the sudden change that the CH are concerned about, or are they not able to manage his behaviour?
A decent CH aught to be able to manage it.
Oh @canary was your mum allowed out on her own?

Dad's also refusing to eat or alternatively stealing and hiding food and eating it later so they are keeping an eye on him like a hawk now. He has a diabetic diet which is not really needed - the diagnosis was made on one test - but at the moment that's restricting what they can offer. But he needs to eat something
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
No not at all - she was in a secure care home. Does this mean that your dad is not in a secure place?
He's not in a secure home, just a standard care home. Bear in mind we don't even have a diagnosis yet. So he has been allowed to go out on his own just round the corner to the shop etc but I think those days are numbered.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
796
High Peak
Forgive me saying, but that sounds dangerous to me. Maybe he should be under a DoLS so they can prevent him going out?

I moved my mum to a CH (self funding) before she had any diagnosis. She was given a temporary DoLS because she kept trying to get out and this was subsequently made permanent following diagnosis about 6 months later.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
362
Forgive me saying, but that sounds dangerous to me. Maybe he should be under a DoLS so they can prevent him going out?

I moved my mum to a CH (self funding) before she had any diagnosis. She was given a temporary DoLS because she kept trying to get out and this was subsequently made permanent following diagnosis about 6 months later.
We all agree but he can't be under a DOL as he has capacity now. Apparently. We've had a little flip flop and he did a good host mode on the last Dr to see him.