1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    493
    I think call the solicitor and see how the land lies. Certainly its much easier to do things with LPA. I knew my mother didn't want to pay towards something at her block of flats that all the other residents had agreed to so I just paid it on her behalf and didn't tell her.
    It's a shame it got as far as solicitors getting involved.
     
  2. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,180
    Female
    Chester
    The sort of letter is a fairly standard letter. The fact that they've emailed you indicates they have an inkling of what is going on.

    I'd speak to the solicitors. I assume it is for costs which relate to the period he was living there, rather than a notice period. Hopefully they will hold off until you've got LPA through.
     
  3. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    Thanks I think I will do that. The old centre claims he 'has capacity' but as we know that doesn't mean you have any personal organisation! That centre was the one which stopped feeding dad (claiming he was having free food). However I did remind dad about it before.

    I think I will call the solicitor and hope they are reasonable. Unfortunately their client is not above spreading lies, rumour and misinformation but there you go. They already started telling other people on site that dad was an alcoholic and that he was living in his car... Both lies as it turned out, not that it's any of their business in the first place.
     
  4. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    Yes it's fees he didn't pay as he hadn't had his house money through yet. They served him notice so I suppose that is less of a risk!
     
  5. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    I spoke to the solicitor last month and explained it all. She seemed to be reasonable and I explained the situation. She said she would send the letter to dad and then we could stay in touch on the LPA status. Unfortunately I was expecting the LPAs through by now. I even gave a good posting gap after they said they were going to send them almost two weeks ago. I hope no one has somehow disrupted the process - either dad or someone in the family. I know his niece has been in touch but I hope she's not interfering, she has no idea what we've been through.

    Dad was quite concerned by the solicitor letter and feels they are asking for more than he owes. I agree, I have a more up to date invoice which acknowledges dad making a cash payment before he left. Cheeky sods are well aware of that. However dad has now forgotten it so I will take it up independently.

    When I spoke to dad yesterday he was very chatty wanting to talk about animals we had as pets and sport and tennis players. He was watching Wimbledon on the TV last week. He seems happy in the home although food issues are ongoing. The home tries to give him meat substitutes and he doesn't trust them. However I spoke to the manager and they are working with him on it. He's eating some fish as well (he's always been more pescatarian than fully vegetarian) and they can manage that. All in all it's going well and I'm a lot less stressed now he has some money in the bank and people looking after him.
     
  6. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,651
    Female
    Do you mean they said they were posting the LPAs to you/your dad two weeks ago, and they haven't arrived? If so, I'd be on the phone as something has gone wrong. It could be just that they haven't been sent and need prompting, but whatever the reason you need to know what's happening.
     
  7. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    I may have been tempting fate by posting this morning but both LPAs arrived safely today!

    They wrote to say they would post them the week of 5 July so it's been almost two weeks but I note the LPA wasn't registered until 11 July.

    It's taken exactly three months to get these through so anyone else in this position who is reading... The whole 'it can take eight weeks' thing for us was more like 12. W(no real complications once we started the second LPA after my brother lost the first one :rolleyes:
    )
     
  8. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,651
    Female
    Oh that's great - must be a relief to have them in your possession now. Don't let hte originals out of your sight, if you need to send one in the post you will need to get a certified copy and send that (they are not always returned even though they should be).
     
  9. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    I got access to dad's bank account so I can keep an eye on things and pay some bills he had outstanding. All seemed to be going smoothly and then I got a call from the care home - dad had been hand delivered a letter and was expected to sign something on the spot. The CH refused to let him sign anything and took the letters, took photos of them and sent them to me after calling me on the phone. Dad's been sued for unpaid fees by a solicitor who was struck off last year. He apparently had letters about a court appearance but they were delivered or returned from the wrong address. Only this hand delivered letter got through. I was heading down anyway so called a local solicitor and got an appointment with them, gathered all his papers and went through the paper trail with them. Dad had forgotten all about the letters so I went alone. They are taking action today and he would have had a default on a CCJ today if we had not got in there last week. Of course he can't pay and we're not sure the fees are actually owed anyway.

    But it's another thing to deal with isn't it. I told the solicitor my priority is to preserve his money to pay for his care.

    While I was down I also got a Dr appointment for dad. There's been no referral to memory clinic despite it being the next step. When we went with dad he did one of those GP memory tests and she asked him to put the numbers on the clock face this time. He didn't do too well this time on the memory test but did a bit better on the clock, but it was a lot of effort. He maintains he's well except for old age and thinks he's in the home because of his lower mobility due to his leg accident (well, it did leave him disabled). The GP agreed to refer him to the Memory team and apologised for it being held up. With his usual Dr going on maternity it slipped through the cracks but with a legal matter now looming I'm keen he gets seen and a diagnosis of possible. Dad has a good host mode but he's become very vague. It's like Father Jack in that Father Ted episode: "that would be a ecumenical matter!"
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    Oh my, good job you managed to get the POA done and registered. I hope you manage to get the diagnosis quickly.
    I suspect the struck off solicitor is chancing his luck
     
  11. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    I agree but that's speculation apparently! Yes we got the paperwork sorted just in time, would have been quite different and more difficult without it
     
  12. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    When I went into the CH and saw Dad on Friday he was arguing with the owner of the house over his food again. They are good with him and are working - continually - on making him things he likes and will eat. He's been pestacarian for decades, eating no meat but sometimes fish: he has become very suspicious of any meat alternatives, when he used to eat them regularly before.

    The lunch at the CH tends to be the larger meal and they almost always have some soup, a main and a dessert, which may be a sweet or cheese and crackers. Apparently if Dad agrees to cheese and crackers, he also wants a sweet afterwards. He laughed and said 'Well. that's a different course!' He also calls the carers waitresses!

    He still believes that meat could be snuck into his food. Actually, the kitchen is tiny, there's no big tureens that he imagines. They are only feeding 16 people and the hme does all their shopping at Asda! I've observed them prepare meals and the soups are tinned ones - there's no watering down or padding out with meat stock. However he claims he can taste it! Even being shown the packet is not enough.

    Before when I had meals on wheels delivered he was very happy with those (which were made in a big unit!)

    Oh well. Anyway I just realised that his insistence on dessert may be due to the dementia sweet tooth. Dad was never big on sweets and used to take icing off cake, eat the fruit cake I would make with no additional sugar very sparingly, etc. Now it's cake and custard every day and a sweetened yoghurt after tea.

    Meanwhile I wait on the solicitor!
     
  13. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    The solicitor is moving pretty fast to comply with the court regulations. We have a defence put together. Dad remains unaware - he's forgotten it and he appears unconcerned about that at least. No one has mentioned it and - I feel bad about this - I've asked the care home to stop his post. He opens post and puts it 'away' and this is how we got to the urgent situation we have just experienced. They are forwarding any non-appointment post to me.

    Meanwhile, back at the care home, Dad has been kicking off, accusing persons unknown of stealing money from his room. He can't remember what someone just told him but he has been claiming money has been stolen from him all week. He tried to get the night staff to call the police. He doesn't know how much money was taken - £98, £38, or £32 was it - or where it was. He also thought his wallet had been stolen but it was in his hand, so that was one mystery solved.

    Dad hasn't had any money for months. I believe it's perfectly possible he has spent the £100 he took out since then. But I accidentally took his cheque book when I took the paperwork to see the solicitors so I am concerned this is what has caused the 'something money related is missing' alarm. So I've posted it back sharpish.

    Dad does have a general sense that 'people take things' in the home. "Things walk here, you know" although everything in his room is as I left it when I put it all away.

    He was also always a big conspiracy theory fan, so I dread to think what delusions he will be under in the future. My main concern is that he may feel frightened or threatened when he's been merrily going about his days beforehand. His decline has been measurably steep in the past year, given the recent memory test, but until we get seen by the memory team, we won't have a diagnosis.

    Bloods came back though, he's anemic. I mean he's pale as, so not a surprise. He's been prescribed iron tablets and new bloods in a month.

    I don't live with dad or do any caring but running his life in the background remains quite draining what with Drs or care home or solicitors.
     
  14. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,141
    I totally agree with you, the to day paperwork is exhausting. Never ending sorting, ringing, emails etc. I don’t know how people manage to do all this& be full time carers! I don’t live with Mum & Dads in a care home near me.
     
  15. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,651
    Female
    Please don't feel bad about that. My mother rarely has post at the CH, but if it looks remotely 'official' (not a greetings card) the manager passes it straight to me, unopened. My mother wouldn't have a clue how to respond correctly to mail. As attorney you need to have a full grasp on what's going on so you've done the right thing.
     
  16. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    Well this is exactly the issue we face. He reads it, write notes like 'I am confused by this. Does it mean the bank want to increase my overdraft? NO THANK YOU' (double underline). That was in response to a letter from the bank about early settlement of a loan. It was extremely clearly worded, I can't blame the bank.

    So although he's reading still, his comprehension is not as good. And it's possible to miss things so this is best.
     
  17. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,141
    We had to take over Mums banking & post a while ago, after a career in the bank bills & credit cards were not being sorted. When asked Mum said - I don’t have a credit card!

    Think that moment brought it home to my husband what I was dealing with!
     
  18. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    453
    Dad hasn’t been able to do anything to do with banking for years.
    I took over all of his paperwork in 2016,when he was walking.
    He couldn’t work the cash machines ,as he would keep blocking his card by using the wrong PIN number..Nightmare.
     
  19. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,141
    Throughout all of this crazy dementia journey, Mum is still obsessed & at times in touch with the money aspect of life. Cognitive issues are pardon the pun mind boggling; but that part of her brain still fires up at times - briefly!!!

    I’m dreading tomorrow it’s the CMHT Clinic, a step closer to the diagnosis needed to get Mum the help she requires but does not want!
     
  20. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    67
    Have been off here for a few days just dealing with the legal stuff and, you know, trying to have a normal life, lots of work on and a cold so trying to rest when I can. The legal stuff is continuing and I am finding it quite stressful. If the case goes all the way dad will need council funding a lot sooner than I'd hoped, and of course we can't know if he'll be able to stay where he is when that happens.

    I've had a letter from the local care place saying he's missed his podiatry appointment. CH have no idea how that happened and, to be fair, they keep careful note of his appointments. I have suggested we look to reinstate home visits as although dad seems fine when it turns up for appointments it takes a village to get him there.
     

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