1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Vixy

    Vixy Registered User

    Dec 10, 2015
    Hi my name is Vix and my mum is in the early stages of dementia. I am on my own so I need all the advice I can get to help mum have as happy life as I can give her. It breaks my heart to see how she is and I don't know what to do for best. I work full time but am now having half day off to spend with her and I stay over every weekend. I don't feel like I'm doing enough but she is okay and I know in the future I will have to move in with her. Mum has good days and bad at the moment. She is very dehydrated and I am trying to get her to drink more. I have stuck notices all over the place which mum finds amusing but at least it is working at the moment. I have noticed the more she drinks the better she becomes. Test have proved she is very de-hydrated. Mum does not like to eat alone and she has become a bit of a grazer which I don't mind as long as she is eating. Any suggestions on healthy grazing would be appreciated so I can prepare food and leave it so she can snack, rather than a big meal which she doesn't want. Mum has not lost her independence and she keeps her home immaculate and I can still have a good conversation with her when she is on form. Mum loves talking about the past and some stories are really funny but I have noticed the stories are starting to change.

    Well hear I am I have made a start and I really appreciate anyone out there to get in touch and give me some ideas.


  2. loveahug

    loveahug Registered User

    Nov 28, 2012
    Moved to Leicester
    Hi Vix, welcome to TP. I can guarantee that there are lots of lovely people on here who are an aamzing support network so you'll not feel so alone.

    Just a few pointers:

    1 Make sure you get PoA for Health and Finances
    2 Apply for coucnil tax waiver on the basis of mum's diagnosis
    3 Apply for attendance allowance so there is some cash to get in external help when its needed.
    3 Find out about lunch clubs etc, even if mum doesn't need them now she may do.
    4 IMPORTANT -take care of your health and ensure there are fall back plans to take care of mum if you fall ill.
    5 As Social Services for an assessment of needs for mum and a carers assessment for you.

    There'll be others along soon to proffer help on the hydration issues. I never had that problem with mum, she tended to drink too much tea as she never remembered she'd just had one!

    Good luck, chin up, your mum's lucky to have you looking out for her

    Hugs xxx
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    I think you should contact social services for an assessment to see what they can offer her. Dehydration can become a very serious problem, and maybe she could go to a Day Centre or lunch clubs a few days a week? This way she would not eat on her own, and she would get lots to drink during the day. She also might like the company of other people so she can tell them her stories. A sitting service could be beneficial too.

    On a different note, please arrange power of attorney while she still has enough capacity!
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    I agree. Get social services to put her on the waiting list for day care. At first I thought my husband didn't need this because we went out and about so much. When everything went pear shaped I regretted my lack of foresight. She would enjoy company and a nice lunch.
  5. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Lunch Club or Day care with transport was a life saver for me too - I also work and I was advised very early on to get Mum used to a lunch club by a wonderful and experienced matron at our day hospital because if you change things early on and get someone used to clubs, day centres perhaps a 'carer' (you could call a befriender) once a week, then the easier it is. If you leave it too late to instigate things people often become rigid and resistant - sometimes because of fear.

    I would also suggest that you google your local carers organisation and pop along to one of their meetings or carers cafes - the local information you get from these organisation is invaluable (and the face to face support and friendships) so at this stage even if it means taking a morning off work I would say it was a good investment.

    Welcome to TP x
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Agree with fizzie. OH went to meetings and daycare almost from day 1. Was a blessing later on when more help was needed.

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