1. natalienewman

    natalienewman Registered User

    Feb 15, 2006
    3
    walsall
    hello i have only joined your forums today and i would like to thank all the members on here for providing such a good site where people listen and give advice from personal accounts . its great that in times of need theres someone who understands who can help .
    ive joined as i dont know what to do for the best my mom has cared for my nan now for the last 12 years but has been living with her for the last 9 years aswell as my mom being really ill with a tumour she has stood strong and cared for my nan now 85 my mom has now been having respite for the last couple of years about 4-6 weeks in a year . my nan now is in the final stgages i think of alzheimers she is unable to anything at all and doesnt recognise anyone apart from my mom. my dad has been a great support to my mom to take on looking after nan but i still cant help but think whats it doing to my mom inside .
    this morning i got a phone call from mom to say that they had both been up with nan al night nan is so disturbed talking to family members who passed years ago her mom and dad and trying to get out of the house there now awaiting the doctors to come in but i dont know what to say to my mom when i try and help i just get told i will do it my way what can i do ?

    im really sorry if i have drowned on but dont know what to do
     
  2. Katy44

    Katy44 Registered User

    Sep 14, 2004
    134
    Hi Natalie,
    You will get a post soon from some one with much more experience and knowledge of these things than me, but in the meantime I didn't want your post to go unanswered.
    It seems like your Mom has managed so well for so long and with problems of her own. Hopefully the Doctors and the CPN will be able to help and fully assess your Nan, 4-6 weeks a year respite is not a lot, it sounds like your Mom should have more regular help than this.
    Please let us know what happens when the doctor has been.
     
  3. natalienewman

    natalienewman Registered User

    Feb 15, 2006
    3
    walsall
    thanks

    hi thanks for replying to me nan has had to be taken into hospital at the minute tests are being done mom said they are waiting for a consultant so its all waiting at the minute feel a bit useless but cant be helped .
     
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Natalie,

    So sorry you are going through a bad time. At least your nan is in a safe place now, and your mum and dad will have some support, and you know that something is being done.

    You can do what you are doing, stand alongside your parents, and let them know that you are ready to help. It is so frustrating when our parents don't take the course of action that we think is right, but they too are adults, and we have to respect their views and independence. They too have to be allowed to make their own mistakes(!) and we have to help pick up the pieces, for that is what family is about.

    It must be very wearing for you, not only worrying about and grieving for your nan, but worrying about your mum's health as well. Let's hope that now your nan is in hospital ,a way can be found to give your mum more support, (and that she will accept it).

    Don't feel useless; I am sure that it is a great comfort to your mum to just know that you are there.
    Take care,

    Amy
     
  5. natalienewman

    natalienewman Registered User

    Feb 15, 2006
    3
    walsall
    ?????

    hi well a lot has happened since i last came on here first of all thanks amy for your encouraging words.
    well doctors released nan from hospital with medication to calm her down which is working but things have got worse the rest of the family 2 brothers and 2 sisters if moms said they cant help with there situation what situation? they dont speak to us and what about my moms? well from that mom just carried on but was then called to the doctors about her blood test results to be told that her only remaining kidney is now not working how it should do and she now needs to step down and nan needs to go into a home mom was destroyed spent a whole day crying just what else could go wrong after mom found this out she went to visit her brother to tell him what the doctor had said with it now concerning his mom , mom was trying to do the decent thing but not as they care , my dad and uncle havent seen eye to eye for years how my uncle treats my mom but he said its time we talked something has to be done but all dad got back was a mouthful of abuse and threats my mom stopped it and told her brother what was what for hom to say my mom is not going into a home i will get solicitors involved , mom said do what you like . she has been intouch with the social worker and they are visiting on monday to see how they can help my uncle has now changed his mind saying if she needs to go into a home then she will have to . my mom could really do without this hasnt she got enough to deal with ?
     
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Natalie,
    Yes your mum has got enough to deal with, without anyone making life more difficult for her. Are your mum and uncle now in agreement that your nan can go into a care home? If they are, then the sooner the Social worker comes and helps to sort things out, the better. In the right care home your nan will get the care that she needs, and with visits from her family she will get the love that she needs too. Hopefully it will take some of the strain off your mum. If the decision for a care home has been made, in your position I would do all I could to reassure your mum that it is the correct decision for your nan, and secondly for herself. (It may be easier for your mum to accept if she feels it is best for her mum). She sounds to have done a fantastic job of caring for your nan, but the time has come when nan needs professional nursing care.

    How are you coping? It must be very upsetting for you to see all this going on.
    Take care.
    Best wishes
    Amy
     
  7. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hello Natalie, hope you are feeling calmer. Amy made some good sense when she said that "if your mum feels she is doing the right thing for her mum" she may accept it better.

    It does sound as if Nan now needs extra care, and once she is settled in a care home, mum , and anyone else, can visit and maybe have some quality time with nan. Please let us know how things progress. Love Connie
     

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