Hello, this is my first post on TP

[littledorcas]

I haven't posted on here but read all the posts every day, this has been such an encouragement to me, knowing I am not alone dealing with my thoughts and the emotional roller coaster this dreadful disease causes. My mom has mixed dementia - vascular/Alzheimer's. She also has cancer. She is in a CH for dementia. She has been in there since February this year. Dad died in January, poor mom cannot remember and constantly asks where he is and why has he left her alone in that place. She just wants to go home. It breaks my heart to see her so sad. Like so many others on TP I have become very good at lying to her, saying dad is in the pub, she lets me leave her when I tell her I'm going to find him and send him back to her!
I visit her every other day, she is very loving, telling me how much she loves me, hoe she has loved me from the very first moment she saw me (bless). I am so lucky that she is like this when I know so many of you have loved ones who don't recognise them, or are aggressive. But it still breaks my heart when I leave, that look she's gives me -"why are you leaving me here, please stay a bit longer" ...
That's me introducing myself, thank you for reading.

 

[sue38]

Hi and welcome to TP. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, and your dad too.

Have you asked the care home how your mum is after you've left? She may soon forget her sadness at your leaving.

 

[fullmoon]

Welcome . The path we tread with this disease is a difficult one and full of guilt. I think we all feel that . Rest assured that your mum is having the full time care she needs and you are overseeing and spending time with her. Sending a virtual hug.

 

[chris53]

Hello and a warm welcome to Talking Point littledorcas, so sorry you have have the heartbreak of mum having a physical illness as well as dementia, sadness from you and sadness from mum, but you seem to be pushing the right buttons and coping very well, please don't let the guilt monster take over a lot of the time, especially with the little white lies, heartbreaking it is, but heartwarming my mum has Alzheimer's and my mum in law has Vascular Dementia, at times - usually with both of them not being themselves - you feel you want to give up, but then you do get a good day and it makes it all worthwhile please do keep posting here, much support and above all understanding is here for you whenever you need it, take care.
best wishes
Chris x

 

[littledorcas]

Hi and welcome to TP. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, and your dad too.

Have you asked the care home how your mum is after you've left? She may soon forget her sadness at your leaving.

Yes, carers say she gets very agitated and constantly asks for either dad or myself. Some days the repetition is non stop and they have to put her in the corner of the lounge by the window so that she is away from other residents as she sets them off wanting to go home, or she annoys them with constantly repeating the same thing over and over again. I pray she will forget dad, but that's not going to happen, It's good to be loved and precious to mom but it hurts so much that she can't understand why I am not there with her all the time. I looked after mom and dad for years, plus a disabled hubby, it just got too much and when dad died, I could leave mom on her own, she needs 24 /24 care.
I spoke to her GP and he has prescribed a very low dose of respiritin (think I've spelled it right) She has only been on this for a week, time will tell if it helps her anxiety.

 

[littledorcas]

Thank you

Thank you for all your replies, it's so good to have people to talk to who understand what you're going through. It doesn't get any easier does it? Friends have distanced themselves because they didn't really understand what it's like, thinking you can just switch off, after all - mom is in cared for and safe!!!!!! Wish it was so simple, don't we all?
Thank you, once again, for taking to time to chat.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello littledorcas

I do hope the medication helps your mum calm down. I imagine you are worrying about her all the time, whether youRe with her or not.

Was she as anxious as this before she went into residential care?

 

[littledorcas]

I do hope the medication helps your mum calm down. I imagine you are worrying about her all the time, whether youRe with her or not.

Was she as anxious as this before she went into residential care?

Mom and dad were in very sheltered housing for a year, mom couldn't stand being alone, poor dad had no respite, mom didn't want to sit in the communal lounge so dad had to remain in the flat with her. Before Alzheimer's mom was a very independent lady, did the garden, DIY jobs (dad was hopeless). This awful disease has changed her completely!

 

[Izzy]

Hello littledorcas and welcome from me too. I'm sure you'll get lots of help and support here.

 

[Noorza]

This place has been a lifeline for me, it sounds as if it will be for you too, I do hope so. Not that I want you to need TP but if you do, people here really "get it".

 

[kingmidas1962]

Hello littledorcas,

I'm sorry to hear your mum suffers such distress - and you too. I hope the meds reduce her anxiety - I have heard of successful medication stories so I do hope yours is one of them.

I wont say don't worry because I know that's impossible - rather reassure yourself that you HAVE done the best that you could do. I know you say mum frets in her CH but she is not alone which is so important. The staff there obviously know what theyre doing.

Come back and post again - you'll always find friendship, advice and a listening virtual 'ear' here xxxx