1. Andy Le Pew

    Andy Le Pew Registered User

    Mar 28, 2008
    3
    Sheffield, UK
    Hi,

    I joined TP today as I guess I've not been doing so well for a while now. My mother was 'diagnosed' with vascular dementia around 3 years ago following years of depression, alcoholism and finally a series of suicide attempts which... we/they/I believe is where the series of mini subcortical strokes (small vessel disease) kicked in and she changed. Since then she has been in and out of psychiatric wards, nursing homes and thankfully now in a nice supported/ sheltered accommodation project. I think I have stuggled with all of this in different ways to my brothers (i suppose we all deal with things in our own way) ... but I have kept up a pretence that I am coping well as a strong, independent young man. But I'm not. I struggle with all this and with even the thought of asking for help (or even writing this now) I'm 26 and i'm angry that this has come to me already and that I may have decades of heartache to come! My mum is only 63. I suppose i could repeat the old line "why me?" I don't really ask that so much but i do look at my friends (some of them even still living at home!) with their healthy loving parents and think... I don't even remember that. All i seem to remember is my mum's depression, my brother's alcoholism and my Dad's departure (he left when I was 14) I'll never laugh along with my mum as i did . She was so sharp and very intelligent and now, when i go to see her every Sunday I sometimes have it all on not to repeat simple intructions, like i would with a child.

    This is my life now (along with a maelstrom of other aspects) and I have to live with it. Apologies for my monologue! especially as a new member... (i could have/should have saved my rants!) I have read many other postings and know that my mum is not as severe, nor my/our problems as devastating as some i have read... but... this is me and my mum.

    Thank you for reading (virtual listening!)

    Andy
     
  2. Carolynlott

    Carolynlott Registered User

    Jan 1, 2007
    232
    Newcastle upon Tyne
    Dear Andy,
    Just wanted to say hi and I'm so sorry to read about your situation. TP has been a lifeline for me and I'm sure you will find the same. Everyone here has a slightly different story, but we are all linked by the same thing. There will be other people who can give you specific advice.
    Best wishes,
    Carolyn
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Andy, I just wanted to welcome you to TP.

    You have a lot on your plate, and it's quite understandable that you should feel bitter. You are still a young man, and should be enjoying life, instead of having to cope with your mum's AD.

    Having said that, the AD is not going to go way, and you are going to have to cope with all the problems and lif changes that AD brings.

    The only bright point is that you've found TP at a very early stage. Stick with it! Members are friendly, and will help you through the bad patches.

    And post if you have any specific queries -- I doubt if there's anything that someone hasn't experienced.

    Best wishes,
     
  4. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi Andy, you are one special young man, and your mum is so fortunate to have you.

    Dispite what you are feeling now, and have confided in us, you are still coping remarkably well, in your own way.

    Now you have found us I hope we can be some comfort to you, and I am sure we can learn something from your situation.

    Stay strong.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,879
    Kent
    Hello Andy. I`m so sorry your situation is so difficult.

    I know it seem some people sail through life, but no-one knows what happens behind closed doors. I don`t believe anyone goes through life unscathed.

    It`s how we face the problems that is important, whether we let them break us, or we rise to the challenge. Of course you`ve had a difficult life, but you do seem to be refusing to let it break you.

    Here on Talking Point [TP]you will find many people of similar age to you, and older, caring for partners and parents. I hope you will find this a supportive site, never feel you need to apologize for off loading. This is what TP is for.

    Take care xx
     
  6. Andy Le Pew

    Andy Le Pew Registered User

    Mar 28, 2008
    3
    Sheffield, UK
    Thank You

    wow... thank you all for the warmth and sentiment. In fact... having just finished writing I picked up the phone and called my mum and made plans to go to the seaside as I have a day off work next week. She was thrilled! And I have to say I can't wait for the fresheness of the sea breeze too!

    Thanks all,

    Andy

    - I hope with a fullstop the end of this week and the beginning of the weekend you all get a "bit of what you fancy!" as my mum used to say -
     
  7. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Hi Andy,

    Welcome to TP!!

    So sorry you're having such a tough time, and at such a young age!!

    You will get lots of support on here and you can rant as much as you like! They'll always be someone here to listen or give you advice. I was 27 when my Mum was diagnosed(Mum,57) So, I understand a bit how you're feeling!

    Take Care and keep in touch,
    Love,
     
  8. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Andy

    I'm new too. Thank goodness for this Global Super Highway!! I only registered yesterday and am gobsmacked by how many people are travelling on this road and all able to connect somehow by computer. It must have been hell before this was invented.

    I'm like you, strong, independent and find it very difficult to ask for help (or even recognise that I need it). Everyone sees me as a coper and I think people worry when I'm not strong because they don't know what to do.

    I'm glad that I've found this Talking Point and I hope you will find it enhances your life. We don't need any more of the crappy stuff, we need things that help and empower.

    Our paths will probably cross again in here somewhere. Good luck.
     
  9. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    #9 hendy, Mar 28, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2008
    Dear Andy
    Welcome to the 'club'. I am sorry your mum and you have had such a traumatic time. Never ask Why me? it doesnt ever get you anywhere! Well done for finding TP it is marvellous! In the face of such a dreadful disease, such as dementia, it is an absolute godsend. You are a very caring person and you love your mum. Nevermind whether your mates have a 'normal' time, treasure the time you have left with mum! Make it special. Keep posting.
    take care
    hendy
    ps there's nothing virtual about TP - its real!
     

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