Hello - I'm new to this Forum!

Netti Brown

Registered User
Apr 5, 2008
Hello - I have today joined this Forum. I (on my own) look after my father who has Dementia. He was officially diagnosed in April 2006.

I am feeling a little alone and unloved (and sorry for myself) at the moment!:(

We have lived for most of my life in Zimbabwe - although my father is originally from Derbyshire - hence the reason why it was best to return to this area. I left Zimbabwe in 2005 and took my parents with me, it was just inconceivable that they should stay there on their own. My mother died last year of cancer.

My father is being assessed by Social Services on Tuesday. Due to the nature of my work, I travel a fair amount, and it is now impossible to leave my father on his own.

I am not sure what they are going to say, or if they will be able to provide us with support and assistance that he needs.

Not sure who is going to read this, but thanks for your time anyway!

Best regards


Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
Hi Netti
Welcome to talking point.
I am glad you found us, you will find plenty of people on here like your self so please do not feel alone.
I think we all feel like that sometime but click onto TP and you will always find someone to talk to.
Good luck for Tuesday and let us know how you get on.
All the best Roseann


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Netti, welcome to TP.

It's always a problem when you are caring for someone and working at the same time, to get all the support you need.

The first piece of advice is to paint as black a picture as you can on Tuesday -- always give worst-case scenario.

Secondly, demand a carers' assessment for yourself. Everyone is entitled to this, but SS don't often offer it. (Sorry to sound so cynical, but SS are working to ever-tighter budgets, so you have to be pretty forceful to get what you need.

Try to work out in advance what you need, and ask for it -- they'll always tell you if it's not possible! It might be possible for your dad to go to daycare during the day, or have someone come in to check on him.

If your dad can't be left at all, you're probably looking at care home placement, SS are unlikely to provide 24-hour cover in the home. If you know in advance when you are going to be away, it may be possible to arrange respite for those times.

Anyway, try to have a clear pictire before they come, and be firm.

It is a lonely business, full-time caring, but TP is a very friendly forum, and will soon become a lifeline for you, if you stick with us.

Good luck for Tuesday, let us know how you get on.

Netti Brown

Registered User
Apr 5, 2008
Thanks for messages of support

Thank-you - already two messages with support and advice ... very, very much appreciated. Already feeling better!:)

I will let you know how it goes on Tuesday.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Netti,

And here`s a third message of support and welcome.

I hope all goes well for you on Tuesday. Please post back with an update.

We might not be able to provide solutions, but Talking Point [TP} will certainly provide support and shared experiences.

Don`t ever worry no-one will read your post.

Love xx


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Welcome Netti,

I do not post often but read every day, (perhaps felt the same as you, that my posts would not be read or scared of going over ground that has long since been covered). I have gained support even though it has been through other peoples questions.



Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Welcome, Netti - and Lotti .....

that my posts would not be read or scared of going over ground that has long since been covered)
I've been around for a while :eek: - and still learning .... things change - medications, ideas .... new ways of addressing (if not solving) age-old problems ....sometimes, yes, I have seen the same subjects 'covered' - but it is always very interesting to see new ideas and perspectives .... that is the beauty of sharing on TP that it is constantly evolving ......

Love, Karen, x


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Netti

I'd like to say "hello" Netti. It sounds like you've been through such a lot over the last few years and have had a great deal of loss and devastation to deal with. I will be thinking about you and looking out for your posts. I am new to the site as well (I'm about 2 weeks old I think)!! I absolutely love it because I felt very lonely before as my husband has a dementia and I was missing significant contact. TP has welcomed me and I am beginning to feel quite at home (although I still can't use the smilies and you can!!!!).

Good luck for Tuesday and look forward to your update.

With very best wishes



Registered User
Mar 27, 2004
Hello Netti

I would like echo all the others and welcome you to TP and wish you luck with the SS on Tuesday.

Hazel is correct in the advice she gives about having a clear picture before the SS arrives. I found it useful to write down everything that Margaret did or didn't do because of the AZ, and how it affected both her and myself in both our daily life and health, and what I thought I needed. I wrote it as though I was writing a report and presented them with seven A4 pages of typewritten notes. Nothing impresses bureaucrats like a load of bumf. They said "may we take this with us?", I think they were trying to impress their superiors.

Be sure to ask for your assessment as a carer, again as Hazel says they may not offer if not pressed.

I have found that the ones who shout the loudest, metaphorically speaking, usually get the best treatment, it's unfair, but until the system offers us all equal opportunities that is the only way to get what you require.

Once again the best of luck on Tuesday.

Cheers Barraf


Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
South Wales
being new

Hi Netti
It seems as though there are a lot of us newcomers to TP. It's a brilliant forum. I haven't posted often but read lots of it regularly. It's amazing what you can pick up. I agree with all of the previous comments especially asking for an assessment for your needs, and even though you may feel bad about it you should really try to emphasise all of your 'areas for attention'. (never problems!!) I look after my MIL full time, having given up work last December to look after her. I was amazed at the help we were offered, and to be honest I am taking advantage of everything. I have found my MIL's social worker to be really supportive but you have to be patient sometimes with everyone! including yourself!
Take care, log in often


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Hello Netti:
Welcome to TP. I hope SS can help you and your Dad and that soon you will feel less 'unloved'. This is a wonderful site and I am sure you will, before long, feel less lonely and more in touch with the world of dementia. (I have PMed you in case I have some knowledge of 'Derbyshire' that may help).

Please keep posting. Love Jan


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
Hi Netti

You have received some great advice. I found this site just brilliant for "tea and sympathy" also.

Hope all goes well next week.