1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. lynn75

    lynn75 Registered User

    Nov 11, 2006
    My names Lynn and im new to this site.Ive been reading some of your posts and it seems a friendly place here.:D
    The reason im here is cos my mum might have some form of dementia.Shes had tests done but i was told that she didnt have alzheimers.Shes on Aricept tho so i think she has got it.
    For a few years now her memory hasnt been very good and its getting worse.She repeats herself a lot and is very forgetful.She knows this tho and will often comment on how forgetful she is.
    Shes 64.Shes diabetic and has a thyroid problem.She also has dizzy spells.Shes on 3 lots of tablets but forgets to take them.Ive found out that shes even been taking them to the chemist to destroy them!:eek:
    So now my cousin goes round every morning and makes sure she takes them.
    I should explain that my mum lives in Nottingham and im in Burton on Trent.I speak to her on the phone and visit her when i can but its not always easy and i dont drive.
    Luckily tho my sister lives in Notts and my aunty and her family only live round the corner from my mum,so that gives me piece of mind.
    I worry about her tho.She lives on her own and never does anything.She just sits on the sofa watching the telly all day long.And thats not like my mum at all!!!
    She hardly ever eats or drinks,shes neglected the housework and doesnt bathe either unless someone helps her.She can do these things herself but needs the motivation i think.Or does she forget that she needs to do these things??:confused:
    Shes on the waiting list for a carer and we're going to look into meals on wheels for her.
    I thought id get involved in this forum and share my situation with you.I hope it will prove to be helpful and of some support.
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hello Lynn and welcome to TP,

    you ask
    Yes, she probably does - and/or - she also forgets HOW to do them. She may want to do something but not do it because she simply has no idea any longer how.

    My wife, who started her dementia symptoms when she was 50, would go outside in cold weather without a coat on. I thought at first it was because she forgot to put it on, but when I handed the coat to her, she became angry. After a cup of tea and some chatting, it came out that she had forgotten how to do up buttons, and this would be evident - to her and to others - if she tried to put the coat on, so she just didn't.

    People with dementia lose all their confidence and sometimes withdraw into themselves - or other times become very agitated. They can even become violent - while never meaning to be... that is the dementia in action.

    I can't even imagine what it must be like for someone who has dementia and lives alone - or indeed for the loved one of such a person. I lived with Jan until she had to go into a care home and it was hell, with me being right there in the house. It would have been disastrous had she been alone.

    Take care of yourself, as well as your Mum, and do come to TP for advice, or questions, or to compare your situation with others

    Best wishes
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Lynn,
    Welcome to TP. I used to work in BOT and live at Stretton - so I know the area well. It is good that mum has relatives living close, and you are able to support her over the phone.
    It may well be that mum is just forgetting to do these things - losing routines - but it sounds as though the family is helping her to keep them. Are there any day centres that you might be able to get mum involved with, to get her out of the house - even if she just believed herself to be going to 'help out'?
    This is a very supportive place to be - so, pleased you have found us; it also contains a wealth of information and experience.
    Love Helen
  4. MrsP

    MrsP Registered User

    Mar 19, 2005
    Dear Lynne

    Just a quickie to say "Hi" and welcome. I sympathise with you not living very close; theres a long distance between me and my Dad, and we have to rely on phone calls, which can be hard when he's tired as his conversation is difficult to follow.

    Have you any idea when the carers will start? At least that can bring a little peace of mind knowing that she's getting washed and dressed every day.

    Lots of love, Kate x.
  5. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Hi Lynn

    Just adding my 'hello' and welcome. It sounds as if my Mum is at a similar stage to your Mum, although My Mum was actually diagnosed as having Alzheimer's back in May 06. I don't think she would have been if I hadn't pushed & prodded our doctor to refer her to the memory clinic. She would just have muddled on until something serious had happened. Whether or not there is a formal diagnosis, I'm pretty sure our instincts tell us, even though we don't want to believe it at first.

    I'm sure you will find a lot of comfort here, not least the realisation that you are not alone in your situation, and we all share "coping strategies" if we can. Don't be afraid to come on board with specific problems or concerns - often someone will have been there before you, and may be able to offer tips & suggestions.

  6. Lillie

    Lillie Registered User

    Oct 21, 2006
    Hi Lynn, like the others i just wanted to say hello and welcome to TP. Im a new member myself and know that it offers some comfort to read and share experiences with others who are going through similar situations. Im thinking of you and your mum - Take care and please visit TP often, it really does help. :)
  7. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    Hi Lynne

    It is awful to see your Mum changing before your very eyes - not beeing able to cope with everyday chores like cooking a meal, or even putting clothes in a washing machine. Things that they've done thousands of times before.

    At least your mum does have family around her to help out. My situation is slightly different - after my dad died, mum couldn't be on her own as she was so terrified of being alone, so we had to find a nursing home for her. But I'm sure other people in similar situations will be able to offer good advice.

    Take care

  8. lynn75

    lynn75 Registered User

    Nov 11, 2006
    Thank you so much everybody for giving me advice and such a warm welcome.It comes as a great comfort to read all your experiences.
    A carer was being arranged last month but there is a 6-8 wks waiting list.At first i dont think they will be going in everyday,until my mum gets used to the idea.
    It has been suggested that she goes to a support group to mix with other like minded people but she wont go.I think shes scared of what will happen when she gets there or that she wont be going back home.We will persist with the idea but we dont want to push her into something she doesnt want to do.
    Me and my sister take her out for the day when we can.We are taking her on a shopping trip next Sat.I just hope it doesnt get too much for her.
  9. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Lynn,
    Just a quick thought. Would your auntie go along to the day centre with mum, as somewhere they are going together, just till she gets used to it?
    Love Helen
  10. lynn75

    lynn75 Registered User

    Nov 11, 2006
    I think somebody would have to go with my mum if she went to a day centre.We usually make sure somebody goes with her when she has to go somewhere.The problem is that most of us work,so its finding someone to go with her.

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