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It sounds very much like you are grief stricken Cherry and what you mention above seems very much like a part of bereavement. It is very difficult emotionally because your dad is still alive and yet you are in bereavement for himIm now looking for acceptance as to say that is longer my dad if you understand what i mean love my dad and will never give up but i need to accept that he will never get better and try and find that inner peace do i sound silly i dont know.
Cherry, it seems to be common in some families, that the womenfolk take on the brunt of things.(Guys reading this forgive me; I'm not tarring everyone with the same brush, just speaking from experience.)Yes i have three brothers but i have taken on the brunt of this with my mum