• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

hello, I must be going

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
I wonder if anyone else can relate to this. Over the last couple of weeks or so, I've arrived to see dad at his nh only for him to send me away again for some reason. OK, so maybe he doesn't like me, or maybe he can sense that I don't always want to be there ...... but when I've driven quite a distance to see him, I don't want to be sent away 5 minutes after I arrive, and I'm concerned what staff think if I only stay a few minutes, and I'm not really sure that that's what dad wants.

What's been happening is:

1) I arrive, dad recognises me, but I don't think really knows who I am ........ he says he's pleased to see me, but tries to send me off to phone my parents because they'll be wondering where I am.

2) I arrive, dad recognises me, though again, I'm not sure he knows who I am. He's relieved to see me, but also concerned that I'm also going to get trapped in this place ...... with the evil staff etc. So his main conversation is about whether the staff are looking and whether this might be a good time to make my escape, and how to walk at a normal pace rather than run away because that would draw the staff's attention.

3) He just kind of says that it's been nice chatting to me, but he needs to be going now because he has a lot to do/ he's working and shouldn't have visitors/ he wants to go to bed ...... and says goodbye.

:confused:
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Just wondering when he sends you Of to phone your parents do you go ,but then return ?

also with the last To quotation would you go in to his room after his gone to bed what would he say if you did this ?

As I would not take it personnel & I can imagine that must be hard not to, must be to do with confusion & sounds he may be paranoid when his talking about evil staff , have you spoken to the care nurse about this ? they should offer you with some advice also ?
 

noelphobic

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
3,452
Liverpool
My mum does something similar but not in the same way. When we have been there a while she'll ask if we are going and when we ask her if she wants us to go then she says no. Sometimes she does say yes though. It is quite disturbing but much less so than all the times when she says 'shall we go then' or asks if she can come and live with us.

She will also ask me if I've seen Brenda (that's me by the way!) :eek: She gets fixations on things - for a while she kept asking how the baby was (what baby?) and her recent fixation is that my dad left her with 3 children. We can't work out whether that means when he died at the age of 91 with children in their forties and fifties or whether something did happen when we were little that we don't remember or got told about. We'll never know now!
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
62
North East
She will also ask me if I've seen Brenda (that's me by the way!)
Mum does make me laugh sometimes as she has this oldish photo of me and my two sisters, taken when hair was permed and jumpers were really LOUD :eek: She keeps pointing to me in the photo and asking if I know who it is. I've now started replying with 'Some funny looking woman with atrocious fashion sense!!'

When it eventually dawns on her that it's me she does have a laugh herself.
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
When Mum first moved into the nursing home, she thought she was being punished and hated being shut into the bed (she needed safety rails because she kept trying to climb out). She spoke about being in prison, the staff were wardens and she barricaded herself into her room with chairs and leads from electrical equipment. At last she has settled down ( I hope) and she knows the staff and seems to like and trust them. I think we have turned a corner, but I guess I shouldn't speak too soon.
Kayla
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
This sounds quite familiar to me,Áine
When mum was living in her own home and now at our house she talks of the cruel staff who neglect her and steal her things....(Gee thanks mum) and now accuses me of locking her in her bedroom for months on end...Although I keep the outside doors locked she certainly hasn't got one on her bedroom door!!
Often at night when she goes to bed she barricades herself in but only with as many clothes and shoes as she can find.....and of course her bl***y handbag which goes everywhere with her..
Perhaps dementia sufferers do feel imprisoned
Wendy
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hi mel,

my mum also has this thing with her handbag, she puts everything in it it weighs a ton and she'l carry it around everywhere, when she was in hospital last week i found somebody elses toiletry bag in it :confused: we still dont know who it belongs too:eek:
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
dmc said:
my mum also has this thing with her handbag, she puts everything in it it weighs a ton and she'l carry it around everywhere, when she was in hospital last week i found somebody elses toiletry bag in it :confused: we still dont know who it belongs too:eek:
this sounds familiar .......... though my dad is often of the losing end of this ....... he lost his glasses a few weeks ago, and although there were several thorough searches of the nh nothing could be found ........ a couple of weeks later they were discovered in a woman's hangbag :(
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Originally Posted by dmc
my mum also has this thing with her handbag, she puts everything in it it weighs a ton and she'l carry it around everywhere, when she was in hospital last week i found somebody elses toiletry bag in it we still dont know who it belongs too
My wife did carry the dreaded handbag everywhere,I have hidden it now and it has not been missed.
During an outing with friends,the lady has AD,my wife's gloves vanished.
Where did we find them in the AD lady's handbag.
This handbag thing seem s to be usual with AD sufferers.
Norman:eek:
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
I found the remains of last night's tea in there this morning.....Previously it's quite the norm if we go out for a meal ....most of it ends up in there but this is a first for a meal I've cooked!
I was looking for my cheque book at the time....I found that later when I'd taken mum's dressing gown out of the washing machine....is that what money laundering means??:) :)
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
mel said:
I found the remains of last night's tea in there this morning.....Previously it's quite the norm if we go out for a meal ....most of it ends up in there but this is a first for a meal I've cooked!
I was looking for my cheque book at the time....I found that later when I'd taken mum's dressing gown out of the washing machine....is that what money laundering means??:) :)
maybe it's a "girl thing" ........ dad doesn't seem to collect things up. Although he makes a regular thing of having his hearing aids laundered ;)
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Maybe because men haven't spent a lifetime of living witha handbag?!
Helen
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Oh My mum also the same ,when she go to AZ day centre she takes every thing , but the kitchen sink & if I take anything out she get cross with me . I took the bag down for her the other week & forgot to give it to her ,so the next time she says give me that bag you always for get it give it to me lol :)
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
65
West Sussex
Everyone check your handbags now, please,my Mum has lost two pairs of glasses, one shoe, a pair of slippers and a set of teeth in the last few weeks and the staff at the home have searched "everywhere" to no avail.

Give them back now and no more will be said!

Kathleen
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hi kathleen

mum has gone back to hospital today but i will check when i visit this evening, :rolleyes:
I just hope i dont find her teeth:eek:
i now have a very funny picture in my mind of your mum with no teeth and only one shoe on bumping into everything hope this isnt the case:eek: :D
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
Hi Kathleen
mum carries around 3 pairs of glasses in her handbag but they're hers I'm afraid
Mum also lost her top set of teeth abput 6 months ago....the cats took them I'm afraid:confused: ..Can't get new ones as she can't cope with the impressions(tried 3 times to no avail).......that mystery will stay with her i fear!!
Wendy
PS I bought a liquid handwash pump because the soap kept disappearing and I'd find it wrapped in hundreds of layers of toilet roll....The soap pump stayed in the bathroom for 2 WHOLE WEEKS.......today...vanished without trace!!
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
62
North East
Maybe we should have a competition for the strangest thing found in a handbag.

It's the pants and tigths that get me - next to a wrapped up sausage roll - :) yuk
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
Oh yes...or in mums case the wet pants and tights wrapped in toilet paper along with bread and butter!!!!
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
AZ swap shop

Ok Kathleen, amnesty time ....... we have the teeth ........ the bottom set anyway. Dad may not have a handbag but he's managed to acquire a spare set of bottom teeth in the pot on his wash basin.

Could you all check your hand bags for the remote control to his TV, please?
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
62
Sheffield
Love the title Áine....AZ Swap ShopTee Hee!!
There again....sorry to say....found our remote control in the handbag last week!!....You know, I used to feel so guilty about rummaging around in mum's handbag....she always brought us up believing a woman's handbag is private(fair enough) but I have to do it for health and safety reasons if nothing else!