Hi everyone,
I've been browsing around since yesterday and have been touched by many of your experiences, advice, poems, jokes and messages of support. I've laughed, cried, nodded my head and thought "yes, exactly" many a time as I read page after page. So much of it rings true.
My family went through a dementia situation with my nan some years ago after she had a severe stroke. I'd read up on a lot of things at the time and we were lucky to know my nan in good hands when she was in a home for the last few years. My gramps is now in a similar situation as nan was, though he still has some lucid moments when he recognises us or responds in some way that seems to make sense. He used to be such a big, strong bloke...you felt safe and comfortable with him, he was a kind, gentle, gramps who never raised his voice, loved his garden and used to put a pound on a horse at the betting shop on Saturdays (nan wasn't allowed to know that!
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Also, a favourite aunt of mine has been diagnosed with vascular dementia after a stroke, and there are now clear signs of deterioration - not knowing how to stir her coffee with the spoon which is lying next to the cup, she stopped cooking a long time ago, her sight is affected, as is her speech because she can't find the nouns she wants to use and replaces them with "it, that, them, the others,". A lot of the time she doesn't make sense in conversation any more now, and sometimes i'm not sure how much of what I tell her she understands, although I'm pretty sure she understands a lot. It's a delight when the conversation is "normal" for a few minutes. And it seems that when she talks about things which are familiar to her, certain daily routines, people she has contact with regularly, she is still able to carry the conversation to a certain extent. I'm dreading the day when she won't recognise me any more. I'm on the phone to her every three or four days, my uncle has been marvellous throughout, and luckily they have some help, but I think it won't be all too long until he can't keep her at home any more. She has started going walk about now and is disoriented, can't really be left on her own any more. It's heartbreaking really....she used to be such a fun-loving, independent, intelligent, happy, strong, loving person....a neverending source of love and encouragement to me, she taught me such a lot, and now I see her disappearing before my very eyes. Unfortunately, I'm far away and can only visit every 10 weeks or so, but I'm on the phone regularly and I write every week. My uncle reads her the letters and I hope they both get something out of them. I hope that when the time comes - and I can see her going down a similar road as my nan did - there will still be some flicker of recognition, some response that tells me she knows me. with nan I always felt she knew when one of us were sitting with her. Don#t ask me how, but I was 100% sure of it - she could tell it was family and not a nurse or doctor or care assistant. And I remember always telling her what I#d been up to, whom I'd seen in town, what the rest of the family were doing, what the weather was like outside. I thought it'd be awful if she felt left out who was always so much part of all our lives. And you never know how much our loved ones are still able to notice and feel.
It's a cruel and debilitating disease and someone said on another thread it always hits the nicest of people. It's just bloody unfair.
Keep smiling everyone.
Tina
