1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. TowerofStrength

    TowerofStrength Registered User

    Oct 30, 2015
    My name is TowerofStrength. Which of course I am not. But it seemed a far better idea than a name which sounds wobbly, which would be nearer the truth.
    My husband thinks he is quite normal apart from forgetting what he went upstairs for. I find it so difficult to tell him he is not. I understand that this is quite the wrong thing to do anyway. But when he wants to do things that I would hesitate to 'let' him do because of fears of what might go wrong, he wants reasons. The reasons are things that he cannot accept. He sees me as a controller and a blocker. There has to be a way round this.
  2. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    Welcome Towerofstrength, you will find loads of support and advice here, it's a place to have a rant but also a laugh when you feel like it. There's a really good thread here called 'compassionate communication', I learned a lot from it for how to talk to my mum. It was a real eye opener and I hope that it will help you. I'm on my kindle at the moment and its not the best for posting links. I'll get on to my laptop and do it, but I bet that in the meantime someone else will be along with it for you!
  3. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Just wanted to add a welcome Towerofstrength. I can't post a link from my phone either!
    You have a long road ahead of you, and you can't protect your husband from every thing that might go wrong because of his illness. Tbh, I would say that unless it would be dangerous, let your husband have as much autonomy and independence as possible until the time comes when he becomes truly dependant on you. Sometimes it will go wrong and you will have to pick up the pieces. But sometimes it will be fine, and the benefits of the boost to his confidence and self respect would be enormous I would think. It's hard to let go though, when we know we can do things more easily and without mishaps.
    Do keep posting - the support you will receive here is invaluable.
  4. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    North East England
  5. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Well done CollegeGirl! I would take my hat off to your skills, if I was wearing a hat! :-D
  6. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    Thanks CG!
  7. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    A warm welcome TowerofStrength
    I hope you don't mind me saying I enjoyed your intro - WOBBLY certainly sums it up a lot of the time - thanks for the smile, I send one back :)
    Do you use your humour with your husband? Sometimes a smile and a daft comment can help to distract and lighten the mood.
    And I'm with the others, let small things ride, pick your battles or you'll be on high alert all the time. Distract, evade, fib a bit - a few 'Maybe when the weather's better' or 'Interesting idea but the hiking boots need a good clean first' type comments may let you both off the hook?
    I care for my dad not a partner, so I appreciate it probably doesn't come all that easy to start fudging issues with a partner (not that I'm suggesting I used to lie to my dad all the time - but never good for a father to know exactly what their child gets up to all the time so we brush over things more easily with a parent - don't we?)
  8. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    Husband is not alone,mine and I'm sure many others seem to think the same. I now am less stressed about letting him do what be wants and apart from numerous cuts and bruises when chopping wood ,his current obsession ,he's fine.
    He loves to go shopping. We met our daughter the other day at our local garden centre,and browsed around ,he kept going missing ,which is normal when we shop, she was so stressed looking for him all the time, even though I said he would be about, he knows not to leave the shop. She smiled and said ,that's what you used to say to us if we got lost. " remember not to leave the shop, as I won't leave without you "
    Don't even go there on the not normal, of course he doesn't know , not even worth saying.
    I'm sure we all say the wrong things. I am a lot more relaxed now , and we seem to be bobbing along a bit better. He does still keep saying he is going to live on his own though .

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