Hello all you carers

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by pen61, Mar 23, 2015.

  1. pen61

    pen61 Registered User

    Mar 22, 2015
    My brother and I care for our 72 yr old aunt, she was diagnosed with mixed dementia 3 yrs ago and up till now has remained in her own home with help from a cleaner, a gardener and my brother and I calling in regularly 3 or so times a week. She has been a lively bright intelligent daredevil and has enjoyed her life skiing, mountain walking, gardening and most of all traveling she organized trips for large groups to travel to Japan and Holland for various clubs and for her 60th birthday she went to New Zealand to do the Milford Challenge. When she told us she was SCARED as she thought she was losing her mind, it never occurred to us not to step up and help her. Wow what a road we've all travelled so far. How sad it is for us all to watch our love one slowly fade, sometimes I find myself questioning are we doing this right, should we do more? how do we get her to accept our help is a major problem, I don't want to take control over her at all, but when we know she's forgetting to change clothes, keep a coat on all day indoors even though the heating is on etc. I've said all sorts to try and get her to change etc. but she wont have it and by the time I leave im not sure wether it's her or me that has the problem ! So ive signed up here and just reading your comments and story's makes me feel less alone in trying to do what's right for Auntie. here's to you all and Thankyou for reading this :)
  2. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    Hi!..the biggest step of all is getting people to accept help..
    There are lots of things you can do.to help that are not so obvious that might pave the way for accepting help...like putting her cup out..label things ..medication boxes...ready made meal..and a lifeline that can be pressed in an emergency.

    Ive cared for my dad for 2 years and stubborn to the core..hes unaware of some of the things that happen to him..so why does he need help??..if you make things seem like their idea..or see how she spends her day..you will see ways you can help..

    My dad couldnt decide on clothes..so wore same everyday..because they were on his chair....washed one side always thought hed done other.
    When i go shopping i say they were buy 1 get one free..and give him a spare...hed put it on there and then..

    The person with a diagnosis has coped and managed to hide or find ways around the way theyve been living for ages...if they still think theyre independent...they feel a sense of achievement...
    A friend needs extra money..do you need some help..?..not that you need it just to support your friend!!! Along those lines..
    Take your aunt and yourself to alzheimers activities ..valuable company. Enjoyable..and support!

    The issue if lpa power of attorney..health wellbeing and finance and property...a must.!..not easy to discuss..but the alternative is horrendous...
    Keep typing as you all face the ups and downs of the journey ahead...
    Best wishes

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
  3. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    Hello Pen61
    Welcome to TP. It is so hard to know how much to take control of.
    What I will say is, pick your battles .
    Problems with bathing and changing clothes seem to be quite common. My mum hated being washed
    I am wondering if your Aunt has forgotten how to do certain things like washing
  4. Dennis Brown

    Dennis Brown Registered User

    Jun 11, 2008
    We've all gone through this so do'nt despair, my wife's journey into Alzheimers was so gradual she didn't realise it was happening so we were able to help with changes without her realising it. Just being there in support is great so keep up the good work and Good Luck. Keep asking questions on forum,it helped me!. Dennis B

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