Hello again

[fullmoon]

It's been awhile since I last posted.

Daughter and I had a wonderful holiday together and Mum's first respite stay went better than I had envisaged. Staff told me she initially presents far better than she is! She had hidden her dirty pull ups in her suitcase. What was worse they then packed her clean clothes into case to come home!

She then had a second stay in respite only about two weeks later due to a booked family activity and was very hostile about going that time. It was bad luck that the two stays were so close together but I stood firm. When I collected her she was absolutely seething as the staff had told me she had been hiding her dirty pull ups again. So I think I will have trouble getting her to go in September (booked her in so I can help daughter move to uni halls).

I must admit life caring for mum is becoming more difficult. I find my tolerance is being tested and I must own up to feeling resentful of time slipping away and the restrictions placed on my life. Mum is also having periods of becoming more difficult and I think this does not help. She goes to day care for about five hours a week but I find I now spend most of this time cleaning her annex before she comes back.

I am trying to live one day at a time these days and I suppose I have avoided the forum or any program's and articles which feature dementia because that now is my daily life and I want to escape reality:/. Ultimately, though I have ended up back here once again venting because you guys know what the reality is like too and what it's like to see someone you love become a stranger and dare I say it a burden. Is it wrong to wish my mother could end her life with dignity? I never thought I would end up putting this in black and white but its how I feel and certainly my future wishes which I have decided to put in an advance directive if such a thing is possible.

 

[janma221]

I do understand about life ending with dignity. It is horrible to watch someone change into a total stranger that is confused and certainly not happy. I would personally wish not to end up like my mother and her sister (now deceased). It is such a cruel disease and sorry you are having so many problems with respite but you need it and so does your daughter.
Big hugs
Jan xxxx

 

[LYN T]

I think many people feel like this.Even though my Husband is now in a CH the emotional trauma goes on. I visit everyday and each visit my heart breaks a little bit more. I want him released from his limited life as like you I wouldn't want to be in his position. I'm mindful that there are people who visit this forum who suffer from Dementia and they have my respect for how they live their lives with dignity and courage; however, Pete can no longer read and write (former English Lecturer so how cruel). He has receptive and expressive dysphasia and no memory at all. He can't attend to any personal needs. The list could go on and on.

You have my sympathy

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Isabella41]

Hi Fullmoon

I watched and help care for my grandmother as she slowly faded away with dementia. My mum is now in a care home as I could no longer cope with working fulltime and being her only family carer. She also hides the evidence - pads and soiled pants everywhere so the smell was out of this world. At least now that she is in a care home she is clean and they are on to her hiding behaviour and know where to look.

I don't think its wrong to want anyone to die with dignity. I watch my mother - a woman who once never went anywhere with 3inch stilettos and a full face of makeup sitting regressing in an armchair. Its not living, its existing. I personally would rather go like my late father did with a massive heart attack. He was in great shape and just got up on morning, said he felt unwell and sat back in his armchair and died.

I know that there are those that do come on here who have dementia and I wouldn't wish to cause offence to them by saying they would be better off dead but my mum states this herself.

I think for the sake of your own family you may need to consider that the time may now be right for your mum to move into a care home on a permanent basis. Unfortunately she will only get worse.

Isabella

 

[garnuft]

I adore my mother and every night I long for her to drift off to sleep and not wake up.

I don't know how it feels to be her, she still lives in her own house, no carers but my sister and I are spending our lives tending to her,
my late forties into my fifties and sister, late fifties into sixties.

Mam was a District Councillor until she was 76, she travelled the length and breadth of Britain.
She had nothing holding her back....'I've done my bit, I've brought up six children'.

Her own Mother, Mam is the oldest of seven, was into a care home within a month of needing help.

Sometimes I wonder about it all.

 

[worriedson1]

It's been awhile since I last posted.

Daughter and I had a wonderful holiday together and Mum's first respite stay went better than I had envisaged. Staff told me she initially presents far better than she is! She had hidden her dirty pull ups in her suitcase. What was worse they then packed her clean clothes into case to come home!

She then had a second stay in respite only about two weeks later due to a booked family activity and was very hostile about going that time. It was bad luck that the two stays were so close together but I stood firm. When I collected her she was absolutely seething as the staff had told me she had been hiding her dirty pull ups again. So I think I will have trouble getting her to go in September (booked her in so I can help daughter move to uni halls).

I must admit life caring for mum is becoming more difficult. I find my tolerance is being tested and I must own up to feeling resentful of time slipping away and the restrictions placed on my life. Mum is also having periods of becoming more difficult and I think this does not help. She goes to day care for about five hours a week but I find I now spend most of this time cleaning her annex before she comes back.

I am trying to live one day at a time these days and I suppose I have avoided the forum or any program's and articles which feature dementia because that now is my daily life and I want to escape reality:/. Ultimately, though I have ended up back here once again venting because you guys know what the reality is like too and what it's like to see someone you love become a stranger and dare I say it a burden. Is it wrong to wish my mother could end her life with dignity? I never thought I would end up putting this in black and white but its how I feel and certainly my future wishes which I have decided to put in an advance directive if such a thing is possible.

"I am trying to live one day at a time these days "

That is all you can do and dare i say it, it is the BEST way to deal with it IMO.