Hi Where do I start?!. My mom is 82 and has early onset vascular dementia - poor mobility and incontinence issues. She moved to a very nice highly rated expensive residential care home from sheltered accomodation in May as she had many falls there and the care home management were aware of these issues when she was assessed. A couple of weeks ago I was spoken to by a senior carer about moms behaviour - she said she was snappy and refusing help to wash/dress etc. I was totally surprised by this but could understand the refusal of help as she always has been very independant. They said she tells the carers to go away and doesnt need help and they cannot do anything about it. Surely if the staff are trained correctly they should be able to deal with this and must have come across this before?. I said I would try and speak to mom about this and she just agrees to accept help but obviously forgets when it comes to it!. Apparently some days she will accept help no problem. A week later i was called into the mgmt office who basically said they could not deal with these issues anymore and had exhausted every option with mom - she has had many accidents on the carpet in her room mainly at night and the odour was so bad they had to replace the carpet. She said they 'dont do odour' and they had never had this problem and she had had complaints from residents etc. There was also her 'aggressive' behaviour to staff and refusing help and her low mood and not wanting to be in the care home. I could not beleive this - there was no empathy for mom and her 'problems' it seemed they did not want this 'hassle'. They state its the home policy not to have commodes in rooms during the day and the use of a wheelchair is kept to a limit so as not to 'institutionalise' residents and promote independant living!. My mom struggles horrendously walking the long corridor to her room and quite often says she is going to fall - she has a degenerative spine and arthritis but rarely do they offer to use the wheelchair until we ask. They say she 'puts it on' when we are there!. As a family we cannot believe what is being said to us. Also we have been told mom is not bad enough to go onto the dementia unit upstairs but yet her behaviour has deteriorated and she has all these issues according to them. They say she knows what she is doing in some ways. I must say we have never seen any of this behaviour - yes she gets frustrated because she cannot walk and sometimes irritable but never once have i seen her 'aggressive' or nasty etc. I go daily to see her so do spend a lot of time with her. This is only just some of the issues I have mentioned. Any advice would be greatfully received!.