what a week grown up son lost the plot with my oh not son's fault i calmed it down but son was dreadfully upset unlike my oh who barely noticed and then all week my oh has gone on and on about his bank and needing a cheque book sick to death hearing about a problem that is not even a problem as bank is sending one i know oh is getting worse but how long will this go on for i can not face thought of this lasting for years and years my life is all but over and i am only 57!!! hope for better week next week
hell of week
- Thread starter tuffydawn
- Start date
Oh tuffydawn, so sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment. We have all been there many times. Hope you can get some 'me' time that may help. Hope next week will be better for you. Big hugs xx
It must be so hard for you. Once they get something in their head its like a dog with a bone.Youre right when you say 57 is too young to be dealing with this. It hard for others to understand and i am sure youre son is just frustrated. I hope you have a better week next week and you get a little time for yourself.
Oh, I feel for you, tuffydawn! That feeling of your life stretching in front of you with only caring in it is awful. I feel like that often, having cared for mentally ill bro, Mum and now Mum in Law. On a bad day all I can see is a life of more of the same.
Then today we took Mum in law out in the sunshine and saw her happy, contented face as she drank a cuppa in different surroundings and I realised why I do this.
We do it because we love our vulnerable relative and most days do have some good in them.
I hope you have some support there with your caring role. Everyone needs to get away from the situation from time to time in order to re-charge the batteries.
Life feels easier then.
Then today we took Mum in law out in the sunshine and saw her happy, contented face as she drank a cuppa in different surroundings and I realised why I do this.
We do it because we love our vulnerable relative and most days do have some good in them.
I hope you have some support there with your caring role. Everyone needs to get away from the situation from time to time in order to re-charge the batteries.
Life feels easier then.
Am i feeling so bad for how your week has been i feel like crying. it is a selfish cry rather than one for you as it should be. i am i hope, a long way yet from being the kind of problem that so many of my fellow sufferers are but know that one day i will be as they are now. it is difficult at times to see how carers have a life and this makes me, like now, so afraid that i will become that level of burden. i do not have the courage to take my own life but would not be that upset to find i was on some list of those for euthanasia in 5-10 years time (mental capacity willing).
are we carers and sufferers alike having to pay for the sins of the rest of humanity. sorry bit of a rant!!!!
please suffer on, we need you.
wayne X
are we carers and sufferers alike having to pay for the sins of the rest of humanity. sorry bit of a rant!!!!
please suffer on, we need you.
wayne X
Am i feeling so bad for how your week has been i feel like crying. it is a selfish cry rather than one for you as it should be. i am i hope, a long way yet from being the kind of problem that so many of my fellow sufferers are but know that one day i will be as they are now. it is difficult at times to see how carers have a life and this makes me, like now, so afraid that i will become that level of burden. i do not have the courage to take my own life but would not be that upset to find i was on some list of those for euthanasia in 5-10 years time (mental capacity willing).
are we carers and sufferers alike having to pay for the sins of the rest of humanity. sorry bit of a rant!!!!
please suffer on, we need you.
wayne X
Wayne, please don't regard yourself as a problem; I was widowed at 56 (my late Husband was 68) and I never regarded him as a burden. You see my Husband was my life-I didn't want a life without him.Now he has left me I miss him more than ever. Pete's suffering is over but goodness what I would do to have him with me still.....one more kiss, one more cuddle. One more time to hold him and tell him that I loved him. That would be priceless.
I never thought that I was burdened, only saddened by this terrible illness. It wasn't his fault-he was third generation with young onset dementia, and I didn't think of my life as diminished, or over, for being his carer. I am just terribly sad and heartbroken that he suffered so much. Yes, I suffered but I could understand why. Pete had no understanding and probably didn't understand why he was, and still is, so precious to me -that was the tragedy.
Please understand that people will always love you. Your family and friends will see through the difficulties that you have.
Lyn T
XX
wow what a lovely post. now i am crying again . what is it with all you carers. we are supposed to be the 'mad' ones.
thanks
wayne X
Am i feeling so bad for how your week has been i feel like crying. it is a selfish cry rather than one for you as it should be. i am i hope, a long way yet from being the kind of problem that so many of my fellow sufferers are but know that one day i will be as they are now. it is difficult at times to see how carers have a life and this makes me, like now, so afraid that i will become that level of burden. i do not have the courage to take my own life but would not be that upset to find i was on some list of those for euthanasia in 5-10 years time (mental capacity willing).
are we carers and sufferers alike having to pay for the sins of the rest of humanity. sorry bit of a rant!!!!
please suffer on, we need you.
wayne X
hi Wayne,
You are entitled to rant. As you know TP is a safe and supportive place to rant. Keep posting.
Just a few questions for you? What are your interests? How do you relax? I bet you have great friends.
Me? Well Reading! Any kind of books except the so called modern fiction where they all live happily ever after!! And " pigs will fly"
Sending you hugs and support,
Aisling
Aisling before boring you with my not so great interests now, just want to say I should have put such things in the blog so you did not need to ask but I didn't so here we are. remember you asked!!!! I used to love driving, camping, fishing, tv, computer gaming, reading, writing, going out & people. I also really enjoyed hugging, kissing and walking holding hands. Now due to not driving, having random attention levels, a much changing personality and struggling with words, I am now down to walking, cycling, bits of reading, bits of writing, food and easy computer games. I relax but putting on music through headphones to shut out the world and/or sitting by the river/lake for hours. Friends, I used to have a very few very good but life was mostly about partner, son, daughters, work & fishing but as they slowly disappeared or became difficult to maintain it is now just a couple of close friends and a couple of buddies but none of them seem to enjoy or share my view of life as it is now. never mind. and I thought modern fiction was all doom and gloom now so I avoid anyway.
be good and stay happy AND remember you did ask!!!!
wayne X
I am the same age as you oh 70 and my days are very long,no meaningful conversations,just occasional glimmers of kindness from oh for me, not sure who I am,think he thinks am his carer not his wife.Like you I think I am too young and need a life. Just time and space for me. Away from the constant beratings and questions about money, and me spending all of his.
Our son is 24, had some real run ins with his father in the early stages and I always mitigated our son . But I no longer would. His father is ill, he can't understand, he always accused son of being a thief, on respite he told the carers about it and they raised it as a safeguarding issue Son does not live with us and daughter explained to the home that we are aware of the accusations but is simply isn't true Isuppose my point is, a time comes when it is our sons fault and they need to learn to accept their father is ill and treat them with respect and kindness how do we know it doesn't affect them . I fell out with our lovely son over this and he didn't visit or speak to me for weeks ,and I didn't contact him much as my heart was breaking. Eventually he came round hugs and tears, said he was sorry ,yes it hurts him and I really feel for him,no it doesn't wash over him,but he is kind to his father,doesn't argue just as we all do agrees with him and humours him .Less stressful for all of us.And sadly I am grateful for that.
Last edited:
Accepting that a PWD can't help their behaviour is one of the major breakthroughs in achieving (or attempting to achieve) some peace. You are quite right Mindy in stressing the benefits of being kind. You were VERY brave to take the stance that you did-and well done to your Son for taking time to think about the consequences of his actions-and yes, it is sad that at a certain point in Dementia what we become grateful for.
Love
Lyn T XX
Hi Wayne.
Yes I asked and you answered. Thank you. OK you didn't ask for advice but am giving it anyway!! In another lifetime my job included asking questions, giving advice and yes " active listening"
Right here goes! You are still interested and can do lots of things. Keep all this up. I hope you enjoy a drink with your mates at least once a week. Don't touch Irish Poitin!! Lethal.
Ever think of camping in your garden?? Ok!ok! Just a suggestion! Sitting by the river / lake sounds great. Is it near you? Sorry that's another question! Can't help myself. I am interested in other people. I used to people watch and read body language. V interesting esp at airports. Can't be doing that nowadays as I could be arrested!! The big thing I can still do and enjoy is reading. Under duvet so I don't disturb Tim. Talking Point is my positive addiction. Helps me so much.
I really like your posts. That is another gift/ skill you have. So keep posting please. I still have 3 close friends thank God. One guy is really great. If he doesn't get a text from me or I don't answer my phone, he will find me. The ritual is as follows he arrives, comes in, plugs in kettle and then makes coffee for me and tea for Tim. Eons ago we had an emergency late at night. Couldn't get anyone so I phoned him. At a later date he told me that he had to cancel a "hot date" that night!! If SIL arrives on a rare occasion and his car is in yard her husband and her drive away. Apparently they don't like him. People can be strange sometimes.Their problem, not mine!! Loads of "friends" disappeared when T was diagnosed like morning dew.
I would read a cornflakes box if I was really stuck but don't go near the corny "women's lit!! Literature??am reading Michael Connelly now. I also enjoy Jo Nesbo. No wonder I can't sleep and was blaming Tim for that! Sure it's probably due to the many thrillers I consume!
I love a wide range of music but can't hack Jazz at all. Stevie Nicks and Chris Isaac singing red river valley. Yes. Listen to it. You will either hate it or love it. Am fascinated at how young she looks and want some of the cream she uses. I better stop now.
If you read all this gibberish and are not asleep by now, fair dues!
Loads of hugs
Aisling
Ps interesting time in Ireland at the moment.
