Hi everyone this is my first post as I am struggling more than I will admit to anyone..my husband went into a dementia unit in july after i had looked after him for 3 years where he seemsvto be very happy but im heartbroken and miss the man i married,my soulmate..any advise on hiw to cooe and support him more ?
Heartbreak
- Thread starter Poppysnan
- Start date
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Poppysnan
Please be glad your husband has settled happily in his care home. It could be so much worse. You made the decision for a reason. It was because providing 24/7 care for him was too much for one person. However much you wanted to, you became unable to meet his needs.
Once my husband settled in his care home we had the best time together when I visited every alternate day. I was in much better health once I was rested and he no longer presented the challenges which made life so difficult.
Of course you miss everything about the relationship you had. There is no way out of that. All you can do is try to make the best of what you still have, a husband who will appreciate your visits and the quality time he has with you.
Please be glad your husband has settled happily in his care home. It could be so much worse. You made the decision for a reason. It was because providing 24/7 care for him was too much for one person. However much you wanted to, you became unable to meet his needs.
Once my husband settled in his care home we had the best time together when I visited every alternate day. I was in much better health once I was rested and he no longer presented the challenges which made life so difficult.
Of course you miss everything about the relationship you had. There is no way out of that. All you can do is try to make the best of what you still have, a husband who will appreciate your visits and the quality time he has with you.
Hi @Poppysnan I have every sympathy with you, as mine went into a secure unit 2 days ago, for assessment and then probably on to a care home. This is my first time on my own since I was 20, I’m now 62. When I first read this type of post 4 yrs ago, I would think, get a grip, it’s for the best. Oh how karma has come back to bite me. I feel enormous guilt, as he is still physically able, it’s just that he is aggressive and a wanderer now, and I was exhausted. I take heart from what @Grannie G says, and others have said, that the relationship can get better, as you are no longer a carer, but can revert back to being a wife or partner. Look after yourself.
Sadly this is a half-grief situation that's common. It is a trauma to be separated whilst alive, not the death of a spouse but something akin to it and different. Sadly there is no putting the clock back. As @Grannie G says take comfort from the fact that you have clearly done your very best for him and have arranged the care that he needs. There is no choice but to get used to having lost the man of the past, and that's going to be hard, but no need for guilt. You are the heroine of the story.
