He wants to visit the house

[spandit]

We moved my father in with us just before Christmas and after a few stressful months, we think his old house is nearly ready to be put on the market for sale. I've been up there a couple of times to bring some stuff back here and he's said he would like to be there to oversee things.

It's about a 4 hour drive away and having seen how he was after a fairly short drive with his carer the other day, the journey would not be good for him. Added to that, the house is stripped of a lot of decoration and furnishings and he would just get in the way as he wants to sit down the whole time. I feel that seeing the house empty could be distressing for him - it's hard enough for me - but how to dodge the issue should it arise?

 

[Louise7]

Best to keep changing the subject if you can, we'll go tomorrow, saturday, when the weather is cooler/warmer etc. Avoid letting him know when you go to the house yourself as this will act as a 'prompt' for him, and could you keep anything that you bring back from the house 'hidden' so that he doesn't see it for a while? Would he accept that under the covid-19 lockdown conditions only essential travel is allowed?

 

[Cazzita]

I agree with Louise, distraction is probably the best thing to try. Good luck x

 

[spandit]

We've broached the subject and I think he's accepted that the journey would be too much for him and is assured we have things under control. On a Skype call with my sister earlier today he confirmed he wants me to sell it, so that's what we'll do

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@spandit it's good that he has agreed but that may not necessarily last. As @Louise7 and @Cazzita have said, distraction and love lies are the way to go. When my mother wanted to visit her parents (both died in 1970), I would agree and say "Yes, we'll go the day after tomorrow because tomorrow I have a dentist appointment". When you go to the house, simply say you have some errands to run, or dentist to go to. I found that going to the dentist is something my mother was not interested in doing.

 

[spandit]

He seems to have dropped the subject and is content that I'm managing the sale (or trying to). I'm trying to keep him involved but it's SO FRUSTRATING when I tell him, for example, that I've had a conveyancing quote from solicitor A and he says "You should get a quote from solicitor A"... 6 or 7 times.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I don't think that trying to keep him involved is necessarily the way to go, @spandit. If I were you, I would answer questions and then distract, if possible. It becomes so difficult trying to zig when a PWD zags.

 

[canary]

I agree with @Canadian Joanne . I would answer his questions (in any way that is acceptable to him ), but not volunteer any information