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He wants to visit the house

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
108
We moved my father in with us just before Christmas and after a few stressful months, we think his old house is nearly ready to be put on the market for sale. I've been up there a couple of times to bring some stuff back here and he's said he would like to be there to oversee things.

It's about a 4 hour drive away and having seen how he was after a fairly short drive with his carer the other day, the journey would not be good for him. Added to that, the house is stripped of a lot of decoration and furnishings and he would just get in the way as he wants to sit down the whole time. I feel that seeing the house empty could be distressing for him - it's hard enough for me - but how to dodge the issue should it arise?
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,247
Best to keep changing the subject if you can, we'll go tomorrow, saturday, when the weather is cooler/warmer etc. Avoid letting him know when you go to the house yourself as this will act as a 'prompt' for him, and could you keep anything that you bring back from the house 'hidden' so that he doesn't see it for a while? Would he accept that under the covid-19 lockdown conditions only essential travel is allowed?
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
578
I agree with Louise, distraction is probably the best thing to try. Good luck x
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
108
We've broached the subject and I think he's accepted that the journey would be too much for him and is assured we have things under control. On a Skype call with my sister earlier today he confirmed he wants me to sell it, so that's what we'll do
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,552
66
Toronto, Canada
@spandit it's good that he has agreed but that may not necessarily last. As @Louise7 and @Cazzita have said, distraction and love lies are the way to go. When my mother wanted to visit her parents (both died in 1970), I would agree and say "Yes, we'll go the day after tomorrow because tomorrow I have a dentist appointment". When you go to the house, simply say you have some errands to run, or dentist to go to. I found that going to the dentist is something my mother was not interested in doing.
 

spandit

Registered User
Feb 11, 2020
108
He seems to have dropped the subject and is content that I'm managing the sale (or trying to). I'm trying to keep him involved but it's SO FRUSTRATING when I tell him, for example, that I've had a conveyancing quote from solicitor A and he says "You should get a quote from solicitor A"... 6 or 7 times.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,552
66
Toronto, Canada
I don't think that trying to keep him involved is necessarily the way to go, @spandit. If I were you, I would answer questions and then distract, if possible. It becomes so difficult trying to zig when a PWD zags.