1. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    Can anyone tell me what to say to my husband when he gets his coat on at 10pm and wants to 'go home' and can't understand that he is home. He got so terribly upset last night and ended up with what I can only descirbe as a panic attack. He was very agitated and crying and couldn't breathe properly. He keeps wanting to go to work or go home and I just tell him it's ok and he can stay with me but he looks at me for a long time trying to understand but insists he has to leave. What do I say to calm him down and stop wanting to go.

    Love Sue
     
  2. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    301
    N.Ireland
    Hi Twink,
    I totally understand your dilemma. Its seems years ago now but my husband was the same. I had to take him for a walk even in the wee small hours ,had to, because he would have wrecked the house.Depends of course where you live as to whether its safe. Once he had his coat on and walking it seemed to distract him from where he originally wanted to go.
    I dont know how you could divert his attention as your husband seems as though he is strong willed. Hope he settles for you.
    Pat
     
  3. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    My dad used to do this too ...... it's really distressing - for both of you. I guess he wants to go somewhere that feels safe and familiar, and nowhere does anymore. Like Pat says, I'd try distracting him .......... make cup of tea, look at something on TV .... i'm sure you've got your methods. I tried talking to him about where it was he wanted to go and why. I tried getting his coat on, taking him up the garden path (in more ways that one :) ) and bringing him back again. I wondered about putting him in the car, driving him around and bringing him back home again .... but never actually did that. I also tried standing at the door yelling "this IS your home, it's chucking it down with rain out there, I've had enough" :eek: I wouldn't recommend the latter as a strategy but wouldn't be surprised if you've been driven to it at times. The others worked occasionally.
     
  4. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    400
    Scotland
    My husband does that as well but only at times. I find getting him to try and do something distracts him. Also if they get tired they can be more confused i put my husband to bed at 10 or just before it if he is more confused and agitated. He then is ok in the mornings once he has slept. My husband wants to go for walks a lot during the day don't know what i am going to do now the weather is changing
     
  5. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    Thanks Pat, Aine and Chip for your replies.

    I did try making him a cup of tea last night but he was shaking and crying and struggling to breathe so much, he couldn't drink it. I tried telling him this is home and that I wouldn't lie to him and promised he was ok here, at home. It was after 11pm when he started really getting anxious to go and I actually never thought to get my coat on and go for a short walk with him. I will do next time. I was told to give him half a lorazepam tablet on a morning and half at night but I started giving him just one at night and tonight I've given him two (I did ask my friend first who is a psychiatric nurse) and he's been fine and I've just put him to bed. I'm not sure he will stay there but he went with no problems. He's got day hospital tomorrow so I've written a note to the staff there telling them how he was but it's nothing new to them is it. He is supposed to be going into hospital to be assessed any day soon and I dread it in a way because he will be terrified I think. they say he will be in for some time and will have gone downhill more by the time he comes out. We've lived in this house for two and half years and today he said he needed to check upstairs to see if everything was ok for those people who own it.

    Sue x
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Twink, just wanted to say "feel for you". Been there, done that, BUT THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HELP YOU< IS IT.

    Deep breaths, and in your own time you willwork out the best way to cope.

    You are not alone, if that is of any help at all.
    Take care, love
     
  7. bernie

    bernie Registered User

    Jul 28, 2005
    52
    south london
    can you take hin for a short walk. Tell him that you are taking him home. when you get home tell him that he is home.
     
  8. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    ..and if he still says "no, I'm not", you can say "let's go in here for a cup of tea and a sit down." Mum would try this tactic often and sometimes Dad would say "will they mind?" (he meant the owners of the house.)

    Sometimes though Mum was just too tired / had enough and let him go out alone. Then we'd get a phone call and end up searching all over the town. When we eventually found him he'd be happy to see us and come home with us, probably he just wanted a rest after walking his legs off!

    My Dad was always trying to get back to the house where he grew up (now demolished) in London, which he thought was his home now. As Connie says, it may not be much help but there are a lot of us who know what it is like Sue.
     
  9. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    Hi Hazel, I think Steve might think he still lives on London. I'm not sure because he can't think if I ask him where he does live but that's where he is from.

    If he wanted to go out that badly during the day I think I might let him but then can I if he got into such a state? I think I'd let him go before he got like that but I think I'd probably try and distract him. The problem is, he usually does this at night so I don't want him wandering about in the dark at night . I'd go with him but we couldn't go for a cup of tea as nowhere is open in our little town late at night.

    Thank you to Connie and Bernie too. If only we still lived in Frinton Connie, I LOVED the beach there and I could really lose myself walking on it and looking out to sea.

    He has gone off to his day hospital this morning but he did ask me at breakfast when we were going home.

    Sue x
     
  10. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    sorry Hazel, I see what you were saying now I've read it again about taking him for a cup of tea - in his own house!!! lol I'm not with it today! Or any other day for that matter! Yes, I will try that one. Thanks.

    Sue x
     
  11. drummer-john

    drummer-john Registered User

    Apr 29, 2005
    18
    Leeds
    Hi Twink
    I can't add to what's been already said in replies, but I do feel for you, as Brenda's started doing exactly the same. Today she said she feels "imprisoned", both here at home and at the Day Centre. She now only seems to think of her Mum's house as "home", even though she's never lived there.
    It's heartbreaking so let's hope it's just another phase that will pass.
    Take care
    John
     
  12. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    Hi John,

    How old is Brenda? Steve is 56. I've had a call from the hospital today, they are taking Steve in tomorrow for a minimum of 4 weeks to assess him. they are apparently surprised at how bad he's got in such a short time. I'm surprised they are taking him in.

    He will be home from the day hospital soon and I know he doesn't like going there but tomorrow I have to put him in a car and see him off without him knowing that he's not coming home for 4 weeks or more. That will be hard to do. I'm secretly packing a case with his clothes in it but then I'm not sure he would realize what I was doing if he saw me. I feel quite sick now because I'm sure he will get very distressed when he realizes that he isn't coming home and has to stay there without me.

    Sue
     
  13. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    301
    N.Ireland
    Sue ,
    My thoughts are with you for tomorrow. Its going to be difficult for both of you.
    Good luck Pat
     
  14. drummer-john

    drummer-john Registered User

    Apr 29, 2005
    18
    Leeds
    Hi Sue
    Brenda is 58 and deteriorating rapidly. I wouldn't be surprised if we're heading for an assessment admission ourselves. All the very best for tomorrow - I'll be thinking about you, and I hope you'll feel able to post some updates.
    Take care
    John
     
  15. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    Thanks Pat and John. It does feel horrible, sitting here looking at him knowing he's going tomorrow and he hasn't got a clue. I get so much from this forum, it's been such a great help and I will definitely post updates, specially for those like yourself who may be at this stage.

    Sue
     
  16. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Sue,
    You know where we are if you need us.
    Love Helen
     
  17. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    I do Helen, and thank you.

    Sue x
     

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