1. keen2108

    keen2108 Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    17
    My dad passed away this morning peacefully. It was at 6.30 so I wasn't there unfortunately.

    Thanks for all your kind comments on my previous posts.

    Since the NICE phone call from the home the manager has turned into not so NICE on other phone calls. I am currently battling to get a medical certificate but nobody knows anything about it at the doctors surgery nearby.

    I am doing all this by phone as I have no transport to get there. Why is something so final so difficult to get. Why at this time is no one suddenly helping. The home say ring the doctors and the doctors say we don't know anything about his death yet he has been taken to the funeral directors by 9.00am this morning. I really feel they are getting rid of him quickly without providing me with the necessary paperwork.
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    I am so sorry. However much you expect these things, it still comes as a shock.

    Jennifer
     
  3. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hi Keen

    I'm so sorry you have lost your Dad, but in a way glad that he is now past all the confusion & distress.

    At the risk of annoying you (and I understand that your emotions are red-raw at the moment), take a deep breath, step back & take stock of the situation.

    He died this morning, less than 12 hours ago. The administration, paperwork & red tape surrounding a death is just like any other paperwork & red tape - it takes a little time to catch up with events, usually more than 24 hours. I'm sure the funeral directors will tell you the same thing.
    The Nursing Home may retain the services of another doctor, not necessarily one from the nearby GP practice.
    The Nursing Home would naturally wish to move him to the more appropriate place (the Funeral Parlour), since their other residents would be distressed if he was left in his room, and they are probably under pressure to get that room ready for someone else who needs it.

    The anger you are feeling is a part & parcel of your grief, and the long strain & pain you have been under during your Dad's illness. (It also sounds as if it may be carrying over from other dealings with the NH manager, but I am only guessing at that). It's time to stop fighting now.

    There is no rush or immediate need to get the death certificate in your hands. Wills, probate, funeral arrangements all routinely take 7 - 10 days to arrange, and I don't feel you should be putting yourself under extra pressure to dive into all that right now. You may feel sad that you weren't with your Dad when he died, but if he died peacefully in his sleep no-one could be blamed for not calling you in. Perhaps you might feel better if you went to the funeral parlour chapel of rest, and spent a few minutes saying your farewells to him in the peace & quiet (better than the nursing home hustle & bustle anyway). Or perhaps you don't feel like doing that at all.

    I suppose what I'm saying is just take a little "Me-time" for a few hours; put all the medics, managers & social worker types out of your mind for a little while. Get out the old family album, and remind yourself of family times in the past, before illness intruded, and remind yourself of the super chap your Dad really was. It's all too easy to be haunted by a (comparitively) few years of illness, and forget the lifetime of family love & respect & good times which went before.

    Best wishes
     
  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Keen, hope you can take some comfort from that word 'peacefully'..... so sorry, prayers are with you, too, to find your peace.

    Love and God Bless, Karen (TF), x
     
  5. keen2108

    keen2108 Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    17
    Hi Lynne,

    Thanks for your reply. You are right that I am stressed. I feel I haven't had any time to grieve today.

    I have only one day to do everything unfortunately as I am the only remaining relation. I have no car so today have had to hire one for tomorrow. I face a couple of hours drive to find this doctors surgery in an area I don't know to collect med cert, then have been asked to collect dads things at the home, then have an appointment to register the death in his district and then have an appointment with the funeral directors as they need me to sign the paperwork. As I have no transport until my sick car is repaired then tomorrow is the only day to sign what needs to be signed.

    Oh and I forgot - I have a one year old to try and place with a friend on the way.

    Sorry if I sounded cross on my original post but I just need one day where things go right and paperwork isn't messed up. Then I can grieve properly.

    Kind Regards
     
  6. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi keen2108

    just to send my condolences on the loss of your dad, im not suprised your angry trying to sort out paperwork, when you should be taking time to grieve,
    my thoughts are with you hope you find the strength to get you through
    take care x
     
  7. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    so sorry

    Hello keen
    So sorry to hear about your Dad and all the aggravation you have to deal with.
    Alfjess
     
  8. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    Sorry to hear about your loss,

    Paul
     
  9. jayjayb

    jayjayb Registered User

    Apr 28, 2006
    6
    Kansas City
    I feel your pain

    I hope that in due time things will settle down for you. You are far from alone.
    God bless you.
     
  10. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    My brother thought he could do all that in one day and then found it meant waiting all morning in the hospital and all afternoon in the registry office.

    They put the wrong date of birth on her death certificate, (giving me a moment of false hope, it's a mistake, someone else has died with a similar name but a different birthday).

    No-one actually believes she died of dementia, but everyone runs out of energy to investigate.

    There is the feeling that doctors and nurses and social workers don't care, I suppose they just don't have time to care. They treat exhausted relations as if they were negligent, idiots or worse.

    Which survey showed that 45% of death certificates contain mistakes or lies about the cause of death?
     
  11. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Whatever the cause, your Dad is at peace at last. Yes, do take time to grieve and for yourself. Good luck with your day of red tape. How awful that you have to address such things when you should just be taking care of yourself.
    Take care,
    Debbie
     
  12. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    426
    Warwickshire
    Big Hugs.....

    M

    xxxxxxx
     
  13. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    So sorry to hear about your dad - it's bad enough when you're close by,but it must be so much worse for you having to hire a car, get someone to look after your little one, then cope with your Dad's death on top.

    I do hope things go as smoothly as they can, and I'm sorry you don't have anyone to share the stress with.

    Thinking of you

    Libs
     

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